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Hello my fellow Politiores Troglodytes. This Blog is a collection of Posts, Poems, & Short Stories that I write on a daily basis. If you find it entertaining, informative, and controversial, then I have done my job properly. Thank goodness too, because Karma has been on my case of late. I'm supposed to bring fifty people into the fold or I'll have to give back the part of Einstein's brain I inherited. No, I'm not one of the Scientists who got a piece of his brain when he died. Karma said, "Eat this knowledge. It'll make you smarter!" The bargain I made with Karma was, if I could change fifty people into Politiores Populos, I would be rewarded with my very own Lamborghini. So, that's my story and I'm sticking to it! Like what you're reading, then read on. P.S. Populo is Latin for people. Politiores is Latin for educated. Troglodytes is English for troglodytes. And Einstein's brain was stolen by Thomas Stoltz Harvey after his death in 1955 and eventually divvied up into 240 pieces. If you just read that last sentence, then you have just learned something and I'm just that much closer to fulfilling my commitment to Karma!

Thursday, December 31, 2015

The Best Posts Of December 2015

It's New Year's Eve, 
which means it's the last day of the month. 
Which means, 
it's time for the five best Posts of December! 
Since it's already late in the day, 
because I had to take my Grandson up to the mountains so he could sled down a hill, 
build a two-foot tall snowman, 
and I could throw snowballs at him, 
I'm going to make this somewhat quick. 
So, 
can I have a drum roll please? 
Number 5 Best Post of December is; The Mugging
The true story of how I avoided being mug when I recognized one of the assailants. 
The person I was with, 
was later named as a suspect for manslaughter, 
of the same assailant when he turned up dead months later.
Number 4 Best Post of December is; Conundrum 
The problem all Fathers go through when one of there children turns eighteen 
and decide it is time to move out. 
It's hard letting go.
Number 3 Best Post of December is; Charitable 
How, 
one time, 
I was going through a bad stretch in life 
and I was on the receiving end of some heartwarming charity. 
This is, 
part of the reason, 
I ask people all the time, 
to help the unfortunate.
Number 2 Best Post of December is; Put Some Yeast Into Your New Year's Eve Resolution
Story about how to drink a six pack of beer 
and only feel the effects of two. 
Why didn't anyone ever tell me about this secret when I was still drinking.
Number 1 Best Post of December 2015 is; The Megestanu 
It has to be number one.
It is an original short story written by me 
and if you have any idea how big my ego is, 
you would know that it couldn't be anything else!

This is,
Wishing Everyone Everywhere A Happy - A Healthy - A Prosperous - New Year,
Jim Hauenstein,

And,

“May the New Year bring you courage to break your resolutions early! My own plan is to swear off every kind of virtue, so that I triumph even when I fall!” - Aleister Crowley -

That's my story and I'm sticking to it!

Like what you are reading or don't like what you see.
Set up my Blog as your Homepage, 
or sign up as a Follower,
or leave a Comment, 
and I'll answer you in a Post.
Thanks for reading.

Wednesday, December 30, 2015

The Megestanu



     “I’m not the kind of person who can easily admit to this, but I am a little bit confused? You’re telling me I can forget everything I’ve been taught and believe in? About our Country and the World?”
     “Mister Kardeem. I know you understand exactly what I am saying. You’re just trying to figure out, how much of it you should believe and how much of it is true.”
     “How can you blame me? We are brought up in this country to believe in ‘Honesty, Compassion, and Freedom for All,’ but now you’re telling me it is all a facade?”
     “It is funny that you should quote a comic book hero. That is exactly what we are telling you. Just like the readers of those comic books, science fiction novels, fantasy novels, the people who listen to music, watch heroic adventure movies, and play today’s virtual reality games, where the player is depicted as the hero of a story line, it is all superficial.”
     “And your reasoning behind this is to give the masses false hope? So they believe, as resources dry up, water continues to be contaminated, and their food source becomes synthetic, there will be a hero, either born here on Earth, rising as Phoenix from the ashes, or an alien being, swooping down from the heavens in the nick of time to save humanity from their blight?”
     “Exactly Mister Kardeem.”
     “And I’m being recruited by whom?”
     “Mister Kardeem, once again we are inviting you into the inner-circle of The Megestanu. The true Rulers behind the One World concept. The movers and shakers, if you will, of the New World Order. The One World Order.”
     “Let me get this straight. You are a representative of a group of ten men and women, I believe you called them Princeps, who run the show, behind the scenes and our President is not really Commander and Chief of the United States Military?”
     “He certainly is the Commander and Chief of the United States Military. But his actions are dictated by the information he receives on a crises, the advice given to him by his Advisers, and any collaborating evidence supplied by other Nations involved.”
     “Then you are saying, the way the Megestanu wants a Political crises handled, the President of the United States will receive only partial information on that crises or false information altogether?”
     “Precisely.”
     “Give me some examples.”
     “I’ll give you three based in your own country. But the three will be in the distance past, where there are no survivors to collaborate your story if you decide not to join our elite Centurions.”
     “Oh, I see. You are going to let me walk out of here if I decide not to enlist in your legionnaire squad.”
     “Mister Kardeem, let me give you my three examples, then we will discuss our recruitment procedures, OK?”
     “Go right ahead. First, what do I call you again? Imperator Claudius?”
     “You will go a long way in our Centurion Corps if you show respect to the Princeps and Imperators you are introduced to. You could even walk out of here alive.”
     “Claudius, err, Imperator Claudius. Your threats don’t frighten me. I’ve been dead inside for years. That is why I’ve been a mercenary for most of my life. If I decide I don’t like your little group of God-wannabes, I’ll enjoy the challenge of taking you down before anyone can snipe me from behind.”
     “Very astute Mister Kardeem. But I’m sure there will be no need for violence. Your profile was thoroughly checked and I assure you, you would not be here if we felt in the slightest way that you would not join our little Utopia.”
     “See, God-wannabes.”
     “The first incident I’ll tell you about is the attack on Pearl Harbor.”
     “Claudius, I’ve heard the conspiracy theory. Where the radar technician saw the planes coming and his Commanding Officer waved it off as a training mission of the United States Navy.”
     “What you might not have heard Mister Kardeem is that President Roosevelt, who desperately wanted to enter the War, received information four days before, that the attack by the Japanese Fleet was emanate.”
    “You’re saying the President new about it and did nothing? I find that hard to believe.”
     “It has been over one hundred years since the incident, and because of the Freedom of Information Act, you can read all the documents for yourself Mister Kardeem. And if you do so, why don’t you try to find out if the Commanding Officer of the radar technician ever was reprimanded for his failure to act appropriately to the oncoming attack, by confirming any Navy training missions.”
     “I’ll check on it.”
     “The next incident is about the one individual who almost single-handedly destroyed one hundred years of the Megestanu’s effort to lead us into the New World Order, Richard Milhous Nixon. Once he became President, he was supposed to escalate the Vietnam War into Cambodia, Thailand, Laos, and finally Malaysia so we could have had one Nation ruling over that part of the Asian Continent. This would have made it that much easier to manipulate the area going forward. But alas, being President made Mister Nixon think he was out of reach from the Megestanu. His failure to follow instruction became his downfall, and a lesson to all the Nations of the World. That if the Megestanu can have the President of the United States dethroned for his dereliction to us, what would become of Leaders of less influential empires? The Megestanu has lasted for a thousand years and will continue for a thousand more.”
    “Imperator, you’re Freudian slipped. You said the Megestanu has lasted for a thousand years and will last for another thousand. Since you folks like to throw around Latin names for everyone and everything, you might have heard that the Roman Empire only lasted two thousand years in one form or another. Now you’re hinting at lasting only a thousand more years? I thought Utopia was supposed to last forever?”
     “Mister Kardeem, sarcasm, really? The last incident I will relay is the infamous 9/11 attacks on the United States. If you read your history, then President Bush wanted to take down Saddam Hussein as President of Iraq. He kept lying to his own people, telling them that Saddam had weapons of mass destruction and that the United States should unite with NATO, to destroy his regime. We finally relented since Saddam himself failed to make peace within his own country with the Kurdish people. The Megestanu are not fond of any Leader trying to genocide any race of people. To stabilize the region, we agreed upon a solution which would appease George W. Bush’s personal vendetta against Saddam Hussein, and in return he would have to occupy Afghanistan as well.”
     “The Middle East has been waging war in the name of one religion or another for over three thousand years. Why can’t the Megestanu control that area of the World?”
     “Mister Kardeem, religious fervor is always the x-factor in any equation of uniting the World. Our efforts for a New World Order is through economic means. Until all those avenues have been exhausted, then violence can finally be used. And as you plainly know, Afghanistan is still occupied today.”
     “Imperator Claudius. I’m beginning to see why I have been recruited. You want me, as an Arabic descendant, to take out a Religious Leader who is disrupting your New World progress in the Middle East.”
     “Precisely Mister Kardeem.”
     “How do I know you won’t let me out to dry?”
     “Mister Kardeem. We have total faith in you by your record of past successes. We will let you plan the whole scenario and if you like you can use your own men, equipment, and contacts. But if you do, you are the only one joining the Megestanu, and your men must not be informed of our existence.”
     “What is in it for me and my men if I invite them along?”
     “For them, double their normal salary. For you, something we know you always wanted. Your own private island as your home base of operations.”
     “I can do that. Where do I sign?”

Tuesday, December 29, 2015

Let's All Sing - Happy Birthday To Me.....

"Happy Birthday to me. 
Happy Birthday to........
Wait, 
stop singing that song! 
Or I will have to pay 
Royalties 
to someone who owns the copyright. 
If you didn't know, 
the song is copyrighted, 
to a corporation.
Here's the poop on this story.
Sing 'Happy Birthday' and It'll Cost You 
by Joel Siegel & John Cochran for ABCNews.com
The Guinness Book of Records calls it the most popular song in the English language. It has been sung to popes and presidents, and incorporated into nearly 150 movies. It was featured in the world's first singing telegram. And during the Apollo 9 mission, it became the first song performed in outer space. Everyone knows the words to "Happy Birthday to You." What few people know is that the song is owned by a private company, and that it is copyrighted. Use it for any commercial purpose, and you are supposed to pay up, says George Washington University School of Law professor Robert Brauneis. "If you want to sing it at your home at a birthday party you don't have to pay anything, because that is a private performance," he said. "But if you want to use it in a television show, a movie, or a television commercial, you'll pay anywhere from $5,000 to $30,000 for those rights." Turns out this humble little ditty is a cash juggernaut, generating approximately $2 million in royalties every year, Brauneis said. After a series of purchases and acquisitions, the song is now owned by Warner Music Group, through its publishing arm, Warner/Chappell. It collects royalties for everything from happy birthday ring-tones to e-cards that play "Happy Birthday to You." 
Commercially, 
you won't be able to use the song, 
without paying, 
until the year 2030 when the copyright runs out. 
But you know how greed works. 
They'll find a way to extend it somehow.
On a happier note, 
no wait, 
it's not happier if you get hung up on the age thing. 
My Dad is trying to convince me that I'm actually older then 60 years! 
Here is his logic. 
The day you are born is your birthday. 
We all know that. 
On your next birthday you celebrate one year of life. 
We all know that. 
The day after your birthday you are starting your second year of life. 
That means you are 2 years old! 
We all didn't know that. 
So, 
being the Salesman he has always been, 
he is crunching the numbers the way he wants them to look, 
making me that much older! 
Starting today, 
I'm going to announce, 
like any respectful human being would, 
for the next ten years my age will always be 60 years old. 
I'm picking an age 
and I'm not growing any older from that age,
like all the women in my family do! 

This is,
Feeling Younger Everyday,
Jim Hauenstein,

And,

“You know you're getting old when the candles cost more than the cake.” - Bob Hope -

That's my story and I'm sticking to it!

Like what you are reading or don't like what you see.
Set up my Blog as your Homepage,
or sign up as a Follower,
or leave a Comment,
and I'll answer you in a Post.
Thanks for reading.

P.S. I'm Not Calling Myself A Woman!

Sunday, December 27, 2015

The Mind Has A Vanity All Its Own

For all of
Humanity,
there is phenomenon which has happened in one's own mind since Men & Women
discovered their reflection in a pool of water.
Our eyes like to play tricks with our mind. 
Or is it, 
our mind likes to play tricks with what we see? 
When we are children, 
we look to our reflection 
and imagine someone older. 
We become teenagers 
and the reflection belies a maturity that we are becoming adults. 
Then comes the age of invincibility. 
When we are in our twenties,
our mind tells us to live on the edge.
Because we think so much of life is still before us 
and nothing could possibly stop us now. 
When the insuperable facade of believing 
Father Time 
will let you live forever in your
 Twenties,
and you begin to see the wrinkles,
the mind still imagines itself younger then the rest of the world does. 
Even at advance ages, 
the mind still sees itself attractive to people younger. 
It's not until the advent of the commercially introduced art of photography did our hallucinations about ourselves stop 
and reality sink in. 
Our mind has a vanity all its own. 
It doesn't believe we should know our true age. 
If you don't believe me, 
try not looking at any photographs of yourself for one month. 
It's OK to see yourself in the mirror daily, 
just don't take a picture of yourself. 
Then, 
after the month is over, 
take a photo, 
close enough to see your body 
and face clearly.
Then compare it to a photograph from 10 years prior.
You will feel a little confusion as you think, 
that's not how I look. 
It's the same phenomenon people go through when they hear their voice on a recording for the first time. 
Non of us believe how we sound on the recording, 
and non of us believe how our mind deceives us on the condition of our looks. 
The mind has a vanity all its own.

This is,
I May Be Turning Sixty,
But I Am Still Sexy,
In My Own Mind,
Jim Hauenstein,

And,

“Anybody can look at a pretty girl and see a pretty girl. An artist can look at a pretty girl and see the old woman she will become. A better artist can look at an old woman and see the pretty girl that she used to be. But a great artist, a master, can look at an old woman, portray her exactly as she is...and force the viewer to see the pretty girl she used to be...and more than that, he can make anyone with the sensitivity of an armadillo, see that this lovely young girl is still alive, not old and ugly at all, but simply imprisoned inside her ruined body. He can make you feel the quiet, endless tragedy that there was never a girl born who ever grew older than eighteen in her heart...no matter what the merciless hours have done to her.”

- Robert A. Heinlein -

That is my story and I am sticking to it!

 Like what you are reading?

Sign up as a Follower,
or Set up my Blog
as your Homepage
on your Web-browser,
or Leave a Comment,
or a Suggestion,
and I will answer you in a Post.

Thanks for reading.

If you are reading this on a
Cell-Phone,
below this story you will see a
Link
where it says;
View Web Version.
To truly get the full benefit of my
Blog,
I suggest you view the web version.
You will just have to expand the page to be able to read it.


Thanks Again.


Saturday, December 26, 2015

Party Like It's 1955

I know, 
you are wondering, 
what am I going to do until 
New Year's Eve? 
How can I come up with an excuse to party through to next weekend?
Because, 
there is no school for some of you, 
for the rest of you who work, 
there is a three day weekend happening now, 
and a three day weekend happening at the end of next week. 
Now, 
that you have that much time off, 
don't you want to celebrate it in style? 
Let's have a party on Tuesday! 
I know what you are saying, 
"What a great idea. It falls right in the middle of the week, right before New Year's Eve!" 
I totally agree. 
You are one smart cookie. 
But, 
now you're asking me, 
"What will we call this new found day to party?" 
I've got just the answer. 
We will call it, 
"The Birth of an icon, Two Buck Howie's Birthday!" 
Yes, 
ladies and gentlemen, 
boys and girls, 
cats and dogs, 
worms and fish, 
it's my birthday! 
Let us celebrate it like it's 1955!
The year I was born. 
No presents please. 
Give to the charity of your choice, 
even if it is only one dollar, 
and that would be a good enough gift for me.

This is,
My Kids Tell Me To Reel In My Ego,
Jim Hauenstein,

And,

"God is out there. Using the Earth as an experiment. Bringing these creatures to life, then extinction. Another set of creatures to life, then extinction. Let's hope he isn't bored of us yet!" - James Hauenstein -

That's my story and I'm sticking to it!

Like what you are reading or don't like what you see.
Set up my Blog as your Homepage,
or sign up as a Follower,
or leave a Comment,
and I'll answer you in a Post.
Thanks for reading.

Friday, December 25, 2015

Karma Rewards Those Who Follow Through

Oh! 
Isn't it a wonderful Christmas! 
Karma has rewarded me with the gift that she had promised to me! 
If you never read my introduction to the 
"Two Buck Howie Blog,"
I'll explain. 
It says, 
I have to enlighten 50 people with my writing, 
then Karma would reward me with my very own Lamborghini. 
I must have influenced 50 people around the World because I got my Lamborghini for Christmas! 
I'm so happy, 
it brought back a memory of one of my favorite 
"Wishes" 
I used to tell everyone that I wanted when I was still young.  
First, 
I must clarify something.
When you asked Karma for anything, 
you need to be very specific. 
Ok, 
here it is. 
When I played in a rock band, 
I used to tell everyone that I wanted to be surrounded by beautiful women. 
So, 
when I got married, 
I had four beautiful daughters! 
What I had in mind was a lot different then what I got, 
but I always be grateful for the wonderful gift of having seven children 
and four of them being girls. 
Once again, 
Karma has rewarded me with the gift that I've been asking for since I started writing this Blog. 
A Lamborghini. 
Now, 
all I have to do is go out to a retail store 
and buy a pack of AA batteries. 
Then I'll be able to drive my Lamborghini with my remote control!


This is,
Driving My Lamborghini Reventon,
Jim Hauenstein,

And,

“In my first video diary I explained my love for women who have a taste in carrots. Since then, I have received plenty of carrots. Now I also have a keen interest in women who like Lamborghinis.” - Louis Tomlinson -

That's my story and I'm sticking to it!

Like what you are reading
or don't like what you see.
Set up my Blog as your Homepage,
or sign up as a Follower,
or leave a Comment,
and I'll answer you in a Post.
Thanks for reading.

Thursday, December 24, 2015

To The World

Epulari autem et Nativitatis Beati Novus Annus
Feliz navidad y próspero año nuevo
geseënde Kersfees en 'n voorspoedige nuwe jaar
Gëzuar Krishtlindjet dhe Vitin e Ri
عيد ميلاد سعيد وسنة جديدة سعيدة
Շնորհավոր Ամանոր եւ Սուրբ ծնունդ
yeni iliniz mübarək
Eguberri eta Urte Berri On
З Калядамі і Новым Годам
শুভ বড়দিন এবং শুভ নববর্ষ
sretan božić i sretna nova godina
весела Коледа и честита нова година
bon Nadal i feliç any Nou
Maayong Pasko ug Happy New Year
Panyengo ya Khirisimasi ndi Odala Chaka Chatsopano
聖誕快樂和新年快樂
Sretan Božić i Nova Godina
veselé Vánoce a šťastný nový rok
glædelig jul og godt nytår
vrolijk kerstfeest en een gelukkig nieuwjaar
Feliĉan Kristnaskon kaj Bonan Novjaron
häid jõule ja head uut aastat
Maligayang Pasko at Manigong Bagong Taon
Hyvää joulua, ja hyvää uutta vuotta
joyeux Noel et bonne année
bo Nadal e Feliz Aninovo
გილოცავ შობა - ახალ წელს
Frohe Weihnachten und Happy New Year
καλά Χριστούγεννα και ευτυχισμένο το νέο έτος
મેરી ક્રિસમસ અને હેપ્પી ન્યુ યર
Jwaye Nwèl ak Happy New Year
M Kirsimeti da kuma Happy Sabuwar Shekara
חג מולד שמח ושנה טובה
क्रिसमस और नया साल मुबारक हो
Zoo siab heev Christmas thiab nyob zoo xyoo tshiab
kellemes Karácsonyt és boldog új évet
Gleðileg jól og farsælt komandi ár
Adịkwa Christmas Obi Ụtọ New Year
Selamat Natal dan Tahun Baru
Nollaig Shona agus Athbhliain Shona
buon Natale e Felice Anno nuovo
メリークリスマス、そしてハッピーニューイヤー
Merry Christmas lan Sugeng Warsa Enggal
ಕ್ರಿಸ್ಮಸ್ ಮತ್ತು ಹೊಸ ವರ್ಷದ ಶುಭಾಷಯಗಳು
Рождество мен Жаңа жыл құтты болсын
រីករាយ​បុណ្យណូអែល​និង​រីករាយ​ឆ្នាំ​ថ្មី
즐거운 성탄절 보내시고 새해 복 많이 받으세요
Merry ວັນຄຣິດສະມາດ​ແລະປີ​ໃຫມ່ສະບາຍດີ
Priecīgus Ziemassvētkus un laimīgu Jauno gadu
Linksmų Šv. Kalėdų ir laimingų Naujųjų metų
среќен Божиќ и Среќна Нова Година
Merry Krismasy sy ny Taom-baovao Sambatra
selamat hari Krismas dan selamat tahun baru
ക്രിസ്തുമസ് പുതുവത്സര ആശംസകൾ
Merry Christmas a hari Tau Hou
आनंददायी ख्रिसमस आणि नवीन वर्षाच्या शुभेच्छा
Зул сарын мэнд бас шинэ жилийн мэнд
मेरी क्रिसमस र नयाँ वर्षको शुभकामना
god jul og godt nytt år
کریسمس مبارک و سال نو مبارک
Wesołych Świąt i Szczęśliwego Nowego Roku
feliz Natal e Feliz Ano Novo
Merry ਕ੍ਰਿਸਮਸ ਅਤੇ ਖੁਸ਼ੀ ਨਿਊ ਸਾਲ
Craciun fericit si un an nou fericit
веселого Рождества и счастливого Нового года
srećan Božić i Nova godina
Nyakaletse Christmas le Happy Selemo se Secha
ප්රීතිමත් නත්තලක් හා සුභ සුබ නව වසරක්
veselé Vianoce a šťastný nový rok
vesel božič in srečno novo leto
Yuul iyo sanad New Happy
Merry Christmas jeung Happy New Taun
Heri ya Krismasi na Mwaka Mpya
god Jul och Gott Nytt År
Димоғчоқӣ Мавлуди Исо ва Соли нав муборак
மெர்ரி கிறிஸ்துமஸ் மற்றும் புத்தாண்டு
మెర్రీ క్రిస్మస్ మరియు నూతన సంవత్సర శుభాకాంక్షలు
สุขสันต์วันคริสต์มาสและสวัสดีปีใหม่
mutlu Noeller ve mutlu yıllar
З Різдвом і Новим Роком
Merry Rojdestvo va Happy New Year
Giáng sinh vui vẻ Chúc mừng năm mới
Nadolig Llawen a Blwyddyn Newydd Dda
לעבעדיק ניטל און מזל ניו יאר
Merry keresimesi ati Ndunú odun titun
Merry Christmas and Happy New Year
To One And All.

This is,
If I Missed Your Particular Language - Sorry - These Are All My Translator Can Give Me,
Jim Hauenstein,

And,

“Cheers to a new year and another chance for us to get it right.” - Oprah Winfrey -

That's my story and I'm sticking to it!

Like what you are reading
or don't like what you see.
Set up my Blog as your Homepage,
or sign up as a Follower,
or leave a Comment,
and I'll answer you in a Post.
Thanks for reading.