Julian The Zombie Killer

    No one ever believed that the Zombie Apocalypse could ever truly happen. It has always been the legend of Comic Books, Novels, TV, and Movies. Every movie making studio, in every country that has a studio, has made their version of the story. From Bollywood to Hollywood. From Kordia Studios, to Lenfilms, and to the Bantu Films made in South Africa, they have all made some kind of Zombie film.
   So when it came true, no one was prepared for it. Most people thought it was just a joke. Like the scare that went around the world in 2016. Folks, who were not related to each other or members of a world wide origination, separately dressed up as scary clowns just to frighten people. So when the first Zombies appeared across the globe, nobody thought twice about it until it was too late.
   People only started to take notice when one of their family members was found chewing on the family dog when they came home from work or school. Then their Zombie kin would drop the canine to get into their faces to chomp on their brains.
   So we all barricaded ourselves in our homes and turned on each other when the fresh water and food supplies became low. Which left plenty of dead corpses and close to death victims lying around for the Zombies to eat.
   The thing that I noticed? If a person was not quite dead yet, and they were bitten by a Zombie walking by, there was something in the saliva from that walking dead  person, that would get the newly bitten person upright, walking around, and start eating dead decaying meat themselves.
   It doesn't have to be your brain they want to eat, any decomposing carcass around a bone, from any animal, is food for the Zombies. Be it a bird or a human.
   The strange thing about all of this, "Zombies eating brains stereotyping," turns out to be true though. These bunch of semiconscious, salivating, parasite motivated creatures, act as if brains are a delicacy.
   I swear, if they could move their facial muscles just a sixteenth of an inch, they would be smiling from ear to fallen off ear when they had a mouth full of grey matter.
   But out of all of this chaos I speak of, a hero emerged.
   He came from out west. Cowboy hat and all. Wearing bandolier gun belts and carrying a couple of rifles.
   He was a crack sharp shooter to boot.
   I saw him lay a bullet in the forehead of a Zombie at four hundred feet while that parasite was munching on someone's femur.
   He is the new Sheriff in town. To protect and serve those of us still alive. Keeping the human species safe while he takes care of those Zombies.
   His name? Julian. The fastest gun in the west. And I am his Aunt Maryallan.
   I cried when he said he would protect me. I cried and I hug him until I could hug him no more.
   I love my nephew, known around these parts as, "Julian the Zombie killer."

This is,

A Story Inspired By A Dream My Daughter Had,

Jim Hauenstein,

And,

I Like This Story So Much I Had To Write It Down Agaim

“If any monster could Riverdance, it would be zombies.”
- Craig Ferguson -

That is my story and I am sticking to it!

Like what you are reading?

Sign up as a Follower,

or leave a Comment.

If it's worthy enough,

I'll answer you in a Post.

Thanks for reading.

Be Kind To Everyone.

I'll Be Seeing You!

 

How To Begin?

When I was in high school, and for a few years afterwards, I had a gentleman's agreement with a good friend of mine named Mark. We understood that we could never discuss five topics of interest with each other because we always ended up arguing about who was right. (Me of course) Those topics were; religion, motorcycles, politics, music, and girls. Don't ask me why we would argue about girls. Maybe because my wandering eyes always made bad choices. Who knows. But the moral of that story is what I want to bring up today. On the recommendation of a literary agent, over the past three years or so, I have started using the different social media platforms aggressively to promote my love of writing. By doing this I have alienated some lifelong friends I had. Why? Because I write about my political views, my dislike for organized religion, Yamaha always made the best motorcycles, all kinds of music is good and not just from one era, and finally I didn't meet the love of my life until I was 35 years old. But that's not all. What really gets people's goat, (Look that expression up Generation Z) is my brand of humor. The irritating sarcasm and ribbing I like to do to get people to think and laugh. Well now that you understand this, I want you all to know, I am not going to change a thing!

 This is,

Welcoming One And All To Comment Any Time You Like

Don't Worry

No Matter What You Say You Will Never Hurt My Feelings

Jim Hauenstein

Unless you make jokes about me being bald!

 

 

“At the center of your being you have the answer. You know who you are
and you know what you want.”
- Lao Tzu -

That is my story and I am sticking to it!

Like what you are reading?

Sign up as a Follower,

or leave a Comment.

If it's worthy enough,

I'll answer you in a Post.

Thanks for reading.

Be Kind To Everyone.

I'll Be Seeing You!

 

I Don't Babble, Really I Don't

In two different conversations,

one with my

Sister,

and one with my

Eldest Daughter,

it has slipped,

from there own lips mind you,

that they come to visit my

Blog,

not to read the

Great Editorials,

Riveting Stories,

Stylish Poetry,

Unbiased Opinions,

and the unfathomable

Educating Factor

of my

Informative Posts,

but to see if I am

Up & Running.

What I mean by that is,

they come to see how I am doing health-wise.

Ha,

I'm in the biggest shape of my life!

I mean

"Best shape of my Life!"

I remember reading about

Man's Evolution

in communication where people actually had to

Write A Letter

to each other to see how they were.

The first letter ever found was written on stone mind you.

Then came the telegraph.

Which was a

 lot faster.

Afterwards,

the telephone.

Where you could actually have a conversation with the person you are worried about.

In Real Time.

Then came the busy 1990s

and a step backwards in our evolution.

You could email a person,

asking them,

what they were up to

or how they were feeling?

But you had to wait for some time to pass before you would receive a response.

You didn't have to wait as long as

Snail Mail,

but it wasn't in

Real Time.

Texting improved the

Interaction

between people by bringing back the conversation close to

Real Time

as possible.

Without someone giving up much of their precious

Real Time!

Now,

I have discovered the fastest,

most heinous of ways,

of knowing how a

Family Member

is doing without using that

Stalker Media

called

Facebook.

Or,

by taking a timeout from your busy schedule of watching

The Bachelor

and

The Bachelorette.

First,

you need to encourage your

  Father, Mother, Brother, Sister, Son, Daughter, Etcetera,

to write a

Blog

informing the

World

all about themselves.

By asking them to write something almost everyday.

The reader will be able to tell if there is something wrong with that person by seeing if they

Write Or Not.

They will be able to see what kind of mood the person is in by the words they use when they write.

And then you won't have to interact with whomever in

Real Time.

  Wasting all of your precious

Time

of yours by talking to you!

Because I have a reputation of being a

Babbler,

Chatterbox,

Jabberer,

Windbag,

and all around

Motor-Mouth,

people say that when they are having a conversation with me,

I dominate that conversation.

  That I take the long way around,

with my words,

to make a simple point.

And That Is Not Me At All.

Well,

I have a surprise for those two

and anyone else who comes to my

Blog

to see

"How Am I Doing."

I am not going to write anything today.

I am going to miss a day,

so they will worry about me

and pick up the telephone to see

"How I Am Doing."

So this will be our little secret.

Shhhhhhhhh

This is,

You Can Really Tell I Am Not A Babbler By Reading This Short Little Post,

Jim Hauenstein,

And,

 

Mind you; I only used the phrase "Mind You" twice!

Conversation of the Day - "How do you describe yourself in two words?"

Me: "You don't."
- Sanhita Baruah -

That is my story and I am sticking to it!

Like what you are reading?

Sign up as a Follower,

or leave a Comment.

If it's worthy enough,

I'll answer you in a Post.

Thanks for reading.

Be Kind To Everyone.

I'll Be Seeing You!

 

No Sausage Links

Some good links,

some bad links,

but no sausage links!

These are just a few that help me research the fun facts I tell you each day.

twobuckhowie                                      

 BuildEasy.com/Tardis  
  
You Tube.com/building a Tardis           Kepler
                    
Kelly Blue Book                   Better Business Bureaus

Kick Starter                                            Space.com

Khan Academy                                       Discover Magazine

Live Science                                           Canonical

Indiegogo                                               Red Hat

Bruce Campbell                                     Make 

Planet Claire                                          Inquisitr

The Huffington Post                             Webo Pedia

Wiki Pedia                                             Wiki Leaks  

Political Dictionary           Information Sharing Environment

Psychology Today                                 Library Of Congres

CIA                                                        Download.com 

Defense Tech                                         Instructables 

Engadget                                                The Tardis Library

The Independent Publishing Magazine   Bleacher Report  

The Academe Blog                                IMDb 

ARS Technica                                        Soompi TV 

Indian Space Research Organisation   Scientific American 

Molecular Expressions                         Space Foundation

Cambridge Archaeological Journals    The Sun-Herald  

Federal Election Commission              Business Insider 

Crunchy Roll                                         Funimation  

The Guardian

This is,
The Weary Bleary Starry Eyed
Jim Hauenstein

And,

 

“Google can bring you back 100,000 answers. A librarian can bring you back the right one.”
- Neil Gaiman -

That is my story and I am sticking to it!

Like what you are reading?

Sign up as a Follower,

or leave a Comment.

If it's worthy enough,

I'll answer you in a Post.

Thanks for reading.

Be Kind To Everyone.

I'll Be Seeing You!

 

8 Cents

What would you do with an eight cent check?

I know what I did,

I cashed it.

Let me tell you why.

First, I'm not thinking about myself when I cashed this check. I'm thinking about all the people behind it to make it possible for me to receive my money. You see, a while back I refinanced to a lower rate with my mortgage company so I could save about $150 per month. Somewhere through that process I paid an extra 8 cents. Since the mortgage company by law has to self audit and pay it customer's back for any discrepancies, I got my money. But that's not all. The audit department had to send the information to the company's financial department which got the okay to print the check. They sent the check to their mail department which put it in an envelope, put a stamp on it, and sent it to the Post Office. A member of the Post Office had to put the envelope on a conveyor belt so a machine could quickly read the zip code to send it to the right location. A different conveyor belt sent it to the right truck, so that truck could take it to the right airplane, so that airplane could take it to the right city for processing at a central hub. That central hub then sent my envelope to the correct city so my local Postman could deliver it to my mailbox.

You see.

If I didn't cash that check all the effort it took

and the cost accumulated through all those channels for me to receive my eight cents would have been wasted.

I didn't cash it for me.

I cashed it for them!

 

This is,

Just A Guess On My Part But I Would Say That The Whole Process To Pay Employees, Cost Of The Check, Envelope, Stamp, And To The Tax Payers So I Could Get My Eight Cents Would Be Between $200 To $300 Dollars

Jim Hauenstein

And,

“Did you ever see a little kid’s face when he spots a penny on a sidewalk?”
- Jerry Spinelli -

That is my story and I am sticking to it!

Like what you are reading?

Sign up as a Follower,

or leave a Comment.

If it's worthy enough,

I'll answer you in a Post.

Thanks for reading.

Be Kind To Everyone.

I'll Be Seeing You!

We All Can Use A Little Stress Relief By Laughing

I overheard a conversation between a

Father

and his

Teenage Daughter

today. 

Father asked, "Did you study for your English exam?" 

Daughter answered, "Dah!" 

Father then asked, "OK. What are the vowels in the alphabet?" 

Daughter replied, "ahh...eh...I...oh...you...money....sometimes....why are you asking?" 

Father, "Close enough."

 

I believe,
that in this World,
every person has a soul mate!

And if I ever find mine,
my wife will kill her!

 

When I would ask my Mom if I could have the car when I was a teenager still living at home,

the last thing she always said to me before handing me the key was,

"Children in the backseat can cause an accident.

Accidents in the back seat can cause children."

 

If I eat

Pasta and Antipasti

will I still be hungry?

 

Ever since Father Hoff at Saint Mary's Grade School fed us chocolate covered ants as a joke one day,

telling us they were full of protein,

I am no longer willing to eat insects in this lifetime no matter what the cows are doing to the atmosphere!

I'll become a veterinarian first!

 

  While living in Wisconsin one of my best friends was Scott.

The funny part was that we were going bald roughly at the same time.

It was a good thing too,

because when we put our heads together,

we could really make an ass out of ourselves!

 

 This is,

Three Of Those Jokes I Wrote Myself

Can You Tell

Jim Hauenstein

And,

“Balding is nature’s way of getting rid of your third eye’s unibrow.”
- Stanley Victor Paskavich -

That is my story and I am sticking to it!

Like what you are reading?

Sign up as a Follower,

or leave a Comment.

If it's worthy enough,

I'll answer you in a Post.

Thanks for reading.

Be Kind To Everyone.

I'll Be Seeing You!

 

I Don't Do This To Be Famous

Today I have been trying to figure out what to write about.

Write about something,

anything,

or nothing?

  I believe that at my very best,

I can be informative,

I can be funny,

and I can stimulate.

I like writing.

It is a way for me to say the things I like to talk about when I don't have an audience.

Of course,

I don't need an audience.

Talking to a friend will do nicely.

But the older I get the less friends I have.

I no longer go to the bar for social encounters.

Matter of fact,

it's been about twenty-five years since I did that for a social life.

I'm not invited to a friend's house when the big game is on because I hardly ever watch sports on TV.

I feel it is a waist of time now.

(Except when a Wisconsin team is in the playoffs.)

The only sport that I watch consistently is

Formula 1 Racing

and occasionally the

Green Bay Packers.

(It's too hard for me to watch the Packers loose so I record the game and have my sister text me if it's okay to watch after it is over.)

So basically,

I write to have fun.

Writing is a lot like reading.

Sometimes you never know where it will take you.

It's an adventure in the imagination.

Just like how writing music used to be for me.

When I sat down in front of my computer today,

I didn't have anything in mind on what to write about today.

So I wrote about writing.

I guess I was hoping I was writing an
Episode of Seinfeld's.

You know,

the show about nothing.

I wanted to write about nothing
and see how long I could keep it up.
Did I succeed?

Was it long enough?

I only make $100 to $200 a year doing this

and I'm not famous.

But I still love it! 

 

This is,
Vincent van Gogh Didn't Make Any Money While He Was Alive Either
Jim Hauenstein,

And,

"I dream my painting and I paint my dream."

- Vincent van Gogh -

That is my story and I am sticking to it!

Like what you are reading?

Sign up as a Follower,

or leave a Comment.

If it's worthy enough,

I'll answer you in a Post.

Thanks for reading.

Be Kind To Everyone.

I'll Be Seeing You!

 

"The Small Island" by Influencer BassRemedy

There once was a small Island

in the middle of the Ocean

The Sea and the Isle

were the best of friends

But over time

the Ocean's tides and waves

started to wash

the Island away

 

 The Sea was heartbroken to see

his friend being washed away

by his own doing

and he was unable to stop it

 

Day by day

the Island shrank

as more of her was carried to the bottom

of the Sea

 

Even as the Ocean wept

and lamented her fate

the Island was steadfast

and assured the Sea that it would be okay

 

This happened everyday

until only a small strip of sand

remained above the water

Her time was almost up

 

But even then the Island maintained

that everything would be alright

The Sea, heartbroken

was still not ready to say goodbye

 

Though the Ocean was profoundly confused

by the Island's attitude

He had to asked,

"Do you really think it will be okay?"

The Island's reply

"I'm completely shore!"

By BassRemedy

This is,

Used Without Permission By

Jim Hauenstein

And,

“Can you see a serene island in the middle of a stormy ocean?”
- Mehmet Murat ildan -

That is my story and I am sticking to it!

Like what you are reading?

Sign up as a Follower,

or leave a Comment.

If it's worthy enough,

I'll answer you in a Post.

Thanks for reading.

Be Kind To Everyone.

I'll Be Seeing You!

In The Dark Ages Of 1992 Or How Future Astronomers Will Think Of Our Generation

   Back in the Dark Ages of 1992, radio astronomers Aleksander Wolszczan and Dale Frail announced the discovery of two planets orbiting the pulsar PSR 1257+12.
   At the time, our civilization thought it was a momentous occasion. We knew there were other planets in the galaxy. We have been discovering them since 1988. But this was a real breakthrough in astronomy at the time.
   Back then nobody imagined a planet could survive around any destructive celestial objects.
   A pulsars, as you know, are actually rapidly rotating neutron stars. Most of these stars emit regular pulses of radio waves. Some will also emit x-rays and gamma radiation at a rate of up to one thousand pulses per second. We now set our atomic clocks to the closes pulsar when we are away from the planet Earth.
   Scientists back then thought that nothing could survive the bombardment of this kind of intense radiation. But there they were. Two rocky worlds, orbiting a neutron star. Bathing in radiation and cooking like meatballs in your kitchen's microwave.

   For the next sixty-five years after 1992 the race was still on to find life on other planets. Which I can say, with utter confidence, that people were still thinking like neanderthals as far as their imagination goes.

   If the discovery of the first two planets orbiting a neutron star should have taught them anything, is that what they thought we knew to be true, is actually, that they knew nothing about what lies within the grand expanse of the Universe.

   Scientist were looking for planets around yellow stars, before realizing there were more red stars in our galaxy. When a pulsar showed us that planets can orbit almost any celestial body, scientists finally opened their collective eyes and started searching around any object that glowed in the dark.

   They found out in the pursuing decades that almost every kind of star has planets. From gas giants, to rocky worlds, to ice planets made up of different kinds of frozen gases.

   We now call those frozen worlds oases. Gas stations to fuel our space craft as we traverse our galaxy.

   Once we got out farther than our own solar system, we found out that planets in other systems were full of life. And not just in the "Goldilocks Zone" as it was once called. A Zone which only suited our needs as human beings.

   The Sagan telescope, on a fixed orbit around Pluto, was the first to find life on an icy world orbiting Alpha Centauri A. Scientists thought that the constant evolution of its changing surface was due to either ice volcanoes or an ocean of water below the crust. As it turns out, the best way to describe the kind life on that planet would be as if the whole world was infested by some kind of termite that eats ice crystals. Always boring and eating their way from one end of the planet to the other. 

   After that, scientists once again opened their eyes to the possibility that when they made assumptions, like thinking that the Universe acts the way they thought it should.

   To summarize, after it was first detected that almost all types of Stars have planets, it was discovered that almost every solar system has some type of life. The next big quest is to find, what we think is intelligent life out their in the Universe.

   Yet, I still have my doubts that we will be able to recognize it right away since as a collective species, we are not imaginative enough to think outside the carbon life form format.

   So, unless intelligent life pops its beautiful head up and slaps us in the face to say hi, I believe we won't notice for centuries!

  This is,

Transcending Into One Of My Future Lives To Make The Point How Humans Will Look Back At Astronomers Of Today 100 Years From Now

Jim Hauenstein,

And,

“I'm sure the universe is full of intelligent life. It's just been too intelligent to come here.”
- Arthur C. Clarke -

That is my story and I am sticking to it!

Like what you are reading?

Sign up as a Follower,

or leave a Comment.

If it's worthy enough,

I'll answer you in a Post.

Thanks for reading.

Be Kind To Everyone.

I'll Be Seeing You!

 

Mime Your J-Walking

If you became

Mayor

of a city which had corrupt traffic cops

and a high fatality rate in traffic accidents,

what would you do to change the problem?

Replace the cops with mimes of course!

Aurelijus Rūtenis Antanas Mockus Šivickas

who went by the shorter name of

Antanas Mockus

became mayor of

Bogotá 

from 1995 to 1997

and again in 2001 to 2003.

Both times replacing traffic cops with mimes to mock j-walkers

and crazy drivers.

Under his leadership traffic deaths dropped by over 50%!

I guess people started

"Miming Their Own Business."

 Or they were afraid the

Mimes

might

"Mock-Us."

This is,

See What I Did There?

I Used Antanas's Last Name To Make The Terrible Pun

Mock-Us

Jim Hauenstein

And,

 

"It wasn't all fun and games for Antanas. Before he became Mayor of Bogota he was President of the National University of Colombia and one time when he was speaking before the student body they started booing him so he pulled down his pants and mooned them!"

 

I Like This Guy.

 

“The difference between a politician and a statesman is that a politician thinks about the next election while the statesman think about the next generation.”
- James Freeman Clarke -

That is my story and I am sticking to it!

Like what you are reading?

Sign up as a Follower,

or leave a Comment.

If it's worthy enough,

I'll answer you in a Post.

Thanks for reading.

Be Kind To Everyone.

I'll Be Seeing You!

Photo Ark

I was listening to the latest episode

Overheard,

a podcast from

National Geographic

 when they started talking about the

Photo Ark.

If you would love to look at 10,000 photos of different kinds of birds, animals, reptiles, fish, and insects, this is the place to go.

If you like you can even donate to their cause.

This is,

Sorry For The Short Post But I Have Something I Need To Get Done Today

Jim Hauenstein

And,

“I wanted to figure out why I was so busy, but I couldn't find the time to do it.”
- Todd Stocker -

That is my story and I am sticking to it!

Like what you are reading?

Sign up as a Follower,

or leave a Comment.

If it's worthy enough,

I'll answer you in a Post.

Thanks for reading.

Be Kind To Everyone.

I'll Be Seeing You!