Secure In My Manhood

Today is certainly nothing like the

"Good Old Days."

But nothing never is.

My son,

who was lucky enough to get an internship at a hospital,

was given $50

and asked by a Doctor if he would buy him some lunch.

He was told for doing so he could get something for himself.

So he bought a shirt.

Keeping on the same medical theme,

the last time I was in the hospital my daughter brought me an apple to eat.

I was in there for a whole week.

One day a nurse walks in,

sees the apple

and says,

"An apple a day keeps the doctor away."

I said,

"I know, I haven't seen one all week!"

During basic training at Fort Leavenworth,

our sergeant asked if anyone had


“Artistic Abilities."

Having been an architectural draftsman in civilian life,

I raised my hand.

Then the 
sergeant announced that everyone would get a three-day pass except for me.

I would stay behind

and neatly print each soldier’s name onto his Army-issued underwear.

I went to one of those new discount

Psychic Tarot Card Readers

and when the first card was laid in front of me,

it was the

Death Card!

I looked to her for support

and she yells out

Go Fish!

She saw how shaken I was so she quickly shakes her

Crystal Ball

and predicts a large snowstorm coming my way.

A recent joint study conducted by the

Department of Health

and the

Department of Motor Vehicles

indicates that 23% of all traffic accidents are alcohol related.   

This means that the remaining 77% are caused by

Assholes

who just drink coffee,

carbonated drinks,

juices,

yogurts,

eat hamburgers,

and people who think they own the road!

 Last month,

National University of Singapore Scientists

released the results of a recent analysis that revealed the presence of female hormones in beer.
Men should take a concerned look at their beer consumption.

The theory is that beer contains female hormones

(hormones contain phytoestrogens)

and that by drinking enough beer,

men turn into women.

To test the theory,

100 men drank 8 pints of beer each within a 1-hour period.

I am sure the rest of the

World

doesn't make there beer the same way as

Singaporeans

do!

$#!)

I just broke a nail!

This is,

Secure In My Manhood Since I Have Seven Children,

Jim Hauenstein,

 

 And,

 

“Beer is proof that God loves us and wants us to be happy."

- Benjamin Franklin -

 

That is my story and I am sticking to it!

 

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