The Names Have Been Changed To Protect My Innocence

In life,

sincerity is everything.

If you can fake that,

you've got it made!

When I first met my wife

and we were getting intimate on one glories sexy night,

she kept screaming out the name,

"Chuck Norris, Chuck Norris!"

Well,

my ego was pretty large right about then.

She was comparing me to

Chuck Norris.

Later,

after we were cuddling,

I asked her about it.

She made a face,

looking like she was disgusted,

and told me,

"I was asking Chuck to save me from this horrible fate!"

I saw my blonde neighbor standing outside her house the other day,

with her hands tightly over her ears,

so I asked her why?

She told me she was trying to hold on to a thought!

You know,

living next to

Lake Michigan

back in the day,

I used to be a

Lifeguard.

Until some blue kid got me fired!

I went to a

Strip Club

the other night

and the dancers there had the worst

Stripper Names.

They were

Edna,

Bertha,

Gertrude,

and

Walter!

I’m on that new diet where you eat vegetables

and drink wine with every meal.

I lost 10 pounds

and my driver’s license!

This is,

Non Of These Stories Are True,

And The Names Have Been Changed To Protect My Innocence,

Jim Hauenstein,

And,

“I am free of all prejudice. I hate everyone equally. ”
- W.C. Fields -

That is my story and I am sticking to it!

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