So why, after all this time, am I
still grieving?
Well, maybe not actually grieving
per se. I'm just feeling guilty.
Over the death of my
ex-girlfriend, Celeste.
It's that constant nagging
thought, occupying the back of my mind. Its like it's eating away at my brain.
I think I'm becoming paranoid?
And I don't like it.
I did tell her that I loved her.
But I'm above all those petty
feelings the average schmuck feels.
So why am I hurting inside? She
died. That's it.
You see, even though I keep
telling myself that it wasn't my fault, it still sits there, annoyingly. At the
back of my mind. Like a wood boring worm creating a hole in the trunk of my
brain.
I keep trying to convince my
subconscious that it was inevitable. It was the only way our relationship could
have ended.
So I'm asking you.
How can someone like me, a prodigy
child preordained for greatness, ask for forgiveness from a girl I supposedly
loved after she is dead?
Or, to put it simply, how can I
find a way to ask Celeste to forgive me after I killed her?
Like I said before, it wasn't
really my fault. Stupid girl. She was in the wrong place at the wrong time.
I'm going to be the most prolific
Serial Killer of all time and she was easy prey.
Someone has to be the first one.
I was practicing on her.
I just didn't imagine I would be
feeling this guilty and for as long as I have been.
It probably has to do with it
being my first. The remorse must be from the fact that she was my girlfriend
and my first victim.
Yes, that has to be it.
I did know Celeste for a long
time. We bonded at an early age, being neighbors and all. And I could always
reveal to her any of my, let us say, peculiar train of thoughts on life and
death itself.
Still, I shouldn’t be feeling
guilty about what happened. It was ordain to happen.
She's gone and that's it.
Yet, I find myself looking over my
shoulder all the time. Thinking that someone is following me. Or, is going to
figure out what I've done by just looking at me.
Connecting those dots as they say,
by the facial expressions I portray.
I?
I shouldn't be evolving into a
freaking schizoid over this.
I've already gotten away with it!
Ha! That's right, I have.
On to something new.
Over the years, I'm sure you have
either read all the Murder Mysteries you can stomach or watched a thousand or
so of those Police Dramas on TV. Don't they just bore you to death?
These plots are always so basic.
I guess it satisfies the
entertainment value for the average Joe. Yet some of them do mirror real life
scenarios.
What I'm saying is, they show
these bungling culprits stumble along the way until an obvious mistake is made
and they end up in jail.
Some fool will go along and commit
a crime thinking that he or she has out smarted the Police.
And for a while, maybe they have.
Then these imbeciles, believing
they have gotten away with murder, start making obvious mistakes.
They lavishly start spending their
inheritance before they even get it. Or try to collect on an insurance policy
taken out on the victim just weeks before their death.
Oh, and my favorite, getting
remarried before the dead spouse is laid to rest.
Of course they are eventually
apprehended and imprisoned for the rest of their miserable lives. The only
thing they could have hoped for, is the death penalty. Instead of weltering
away in a penal institution.
These dolts are spoiling the
reputations of all professional, who take their craft seriously.
Now and again, you might hear
about an inept criminal getting away with murder, because the Police are as
inept as he and have no clue who the perpetrator is.
But those cases are rarely
publicized. You have to dig down deep to find the real stories.
The incompetent Police Department
doesn't want Society to know what a false sense of hope they offer to their
measly lives.
There are no Robin Hoods or Bonnie
and Clydes, who steal from the rich and give to the poor. Fighting against the
“Man.”
Its just plain old killers doing
what comes naturally.
Killing!
Even with these trumped up
statistics, about the rise in the conviction rate, that the lying Politicians
love to show their constituents, Man is still killing Man.
And he will keep killing as long
as there are people like me.
I was surprised to see how
smoothly my first time was. As I had little time to plan for every detail that
came up.
Still, in the end, I was cleared
of all suspicion because of the stupidity of the local Police.
I even had someone in my corner.
The local trashy Newspaper
vilified the Cops for investigating in the wrong direction. Away from, “The
real Murderer or Murderers.”
That was their headline in the
evening paper after a month long investigation went nowhere.
I'm not going to bore you now with
the details of how I did it. That's not why I'm telling you my story.
Why I'm dying now.
Like I said, the worrying and the
guilt were infesting my mind and damaging it.
Remorse kept popping up at the
strangest times during the day. Always haunting me.
I'll be going along, with my
normal afternoon, then something would trigger a memory of Celeste.
I'll start seeing her everywhere I
go. Watching me from afar.
Eventually I'll look away for a
moment or two, and when I look back, she'll be gone.
And I can relax again.
I had to find a way to get
closure. Get over my guilt. Get over my first kill.
I needed to stop thinking about my
deceased ex-girlfriend and start planning for my next ex-girlfriend.
I've been planning and dreaming of
becoming the most notorious serial killer far too long to fall apart now.
Something had to be done.
It had been a little over six
months since the burial. I figured by now I would be scouting out my next
opportunity.
Like, where are the best locations
for an abduction without raising any suspicions? How can I lure my prey away from
her comfort zone and have her follow me on her own?
And where was I going to depose of
the new body? Fun stuff like that.
Yet, all I could think about was
Celeste. And the look on her face.
I still see her wide eyes facing
me. Looking at me, everywhere I go.
Maybe I should have
started out with a stranger? But there are just too many variables to account
for in that situation. I had to start out with someone familiar.
That's when it hits
me.
I was sending out quick notes
from my computer, to family and friends, on how much I miss Celeste when I came
across her e-mail address in my Contacts section.
I thought, what the Hell.
So I wrote a note to her, saying
how sorry I was, and I sent it.
Low and behold, her e-mail was
still opened.
No one had closed her account.
I didn't get that non-deliverable
message from “Daemon!”
If you have sent as many e-mails
as I have, you've seen the “Delivery to the following recipient failed
permanently,” sent from the mailer daemon@whateverserver.com.
Why, I ask you, do they use the
name of a deity, or demigod, to inform you that you have failed miserably, by
not using the proper e-mail address is beyond me.
Is it supposed to scare you
somehow? Or if you “fail permanently” too many times, does a demon come out of
your computer and rip your face off?
Well, after that
first initial e-mail which I sent to Celeste, it became easier to whip up a
little note to her each time I started feeling guilty. Thinking no one was
going to read them anyways.
Besides, it was always easy to
talk to Celeste when she was alive.
I could tell her anything and she
never blinked an eye.
After a month of pouring out my
soul to Celeste in these e-mails, things started moving along for me. I started
feeling confident again. I had finally stopped worrying.
I was feeling so good about myself
again, I started planning my next job.
I thought now would be the perfect
time to go ahead with kill number two.
Looking back, the only thing I
wish I hadn't done, my only regret, was asking Celeste through those e-mails,
to forgive me. Then, of all this, would never have happened.
I realize now, I am no better than
the morons I was complaining about earlier. I made a foolish mistake and it
came back to bite me in the ass.
I told her that I
was ready to start anew. I was ready to go out in this gorgeous blue world of
ours and take another person's soul away from them.
That's when I get the surprise of
my life. Celeste answered me back!
The reply e-mail I got from her
said;
Dear Mathew, If you go after
another girl, I will come back and rip your heart out your chest! You know how
jealous I can be.
Love Celeste.
What a fool I've
been. So stupid. I'm no better than your average schmuck!
I wanted closure so bad that I
never imagined someone would think to read Celeste's e-mail messages after she
was gone.
Now I have to find
out which one of her friends or family member is reading those e-mails.
Why haven't they called the
Police? And are they going to blackmail me with the information they now have?
When I get my hands on them,
they'll see the real me.
I had to keep
whomever it was, talking.
Maybe they'll slip up and expose
themselves!
So I sent another email to
Celeste.
Hi Celeste, It was quite a surprise to hear from you today.
Let me tell you. Did you really have to threaten to come back from the dead and
rip my heart out?
Love Mathew
Her reply.
Hello Mathew, I was your girlfriend and you killed me. Do
you know how that can damage a relationship? I love you and I still love you.
But I know your mind will never let your heart feel for me as mine feels for
you. So all I want is your heart now. That’s all.
Love Celeste
This person is sick, I thought.
So I sent another one.
Dear Celeste, Come on? You know I loved you. It was
something I had to do. How long have you've known me? We were kids together
growing up on the same street. We killed every insect, rodent, bird, cat and
dog we could find together. Couldn't you tell what I had inside of me?
Mathew
She replied back, saying.
Dear Mathew, Love is blind. If anything, I thought we would
continue doing those things together.
I Love You.
Celeste
P.S. Give me your heart.
My turn.
Celeste, You mean you would have killed with me?
Mathew
I waited, then.
Dearest Mathew, I could never have killed anyone but you! We
should have died together. How romantic that would have been. Like Romeo and
Juliet!
Love Celeste
P.S. Please give me your heart.
Reply.
Celeste, I have to think about what has been said between us
tonight. I'll talk to you again via e-mail tomorrow, OK?
Good night.
Mathew
I was shocked by the instant
reply. Like she was typing it while I was typing mine.
Mathew, give me your heart.
Love Celeste
I had a lot to think
about. This person was trying to play with my mind. I had to find out who it
was and put a stop to it now.
Nobody messes with me or my head!
So I waited until
the late afternoon of the next day and sent this note.
Celeste, Why don't you come over to see me. We can have a
drink together. I stole some beer from my Dad's liquor cabinet yesterday.
Love Matt
Again, she replied instantly.
Dear, Dearest Matthew, I have been scratching at the cover
of my casket since that very day you sent your first e-mail. I finally broke a
small hole in it last night where the dirt can fall threw. I hope you won't
mind when I finally get out of here that my dress will be dirty, my finger
nails won't be trimmed, my hair is a rats nest, and the worms won't stop going
in and out of my body. But yes Dear. I can't wait to see you too, so I can have
your heart!
Love always,
Celeste
Someone thinks this stuff is
funny?
I sent a brief email.
Celeste, your digging yourself out of your grave?
Matt
An immediate reply.
Oh yes my Dear. Ever since you told me that you were sorry
for killing me. I knew then that your heart was mine forever.
Love Celeste
I was mad. I lost my composure
and sent.
Who the Hell is this? You think this is funny you bitch! Why
don't you come over here so I can slit your throat like I did to Celeste!
Immediate return message.
Dearest Mathew, Don't use such awful language. I'm digging
as fast as I can. I think I'll be able to crawl out of here by tonight. I'm
hoping anyways. Then my love one, you can give me your heart, for all eternity.
I Love You.
See you soon.
Celeste
I angerly punched down the send
symbol on my email account.
This is no longer funny. Who really is this? Or tell me
something only I and Celeste would know so I know its her!
Her message came back before I
had a chance to lift my finger off my mouse.
Dear Mathew, Remember how you used to like to call me your
“Celestial Body” while we were making love? I must admit, I lost a lot of
weight lately. I'm what you call, just dried up skin and bones. I hope that
won't prevent you from giving me your love and your heart.
Love Celeste
Screw you Celeste!
Matt
I waited, but there was no reply.
I must admit, I was scared.
How can someone else know what my
playful name was for Celeste? We promised to keep it our little secret.
It really can't be her, can it?
There has to be an explanation for all of this.
Wait a minute. What
the hell is wrong with me. She had to tell her best friend from High School.
You know how girls love to talk to each other. Explain their freakin' emotions
to each other.
It has to be that Janeen Cary
sending me these messages. I knew she always wanted me.
But why hasn't she gone to the
Police.
She wants to hook up with me.
That's it.
I can't wait to kill her!
I have to calm down. Not let her
confuse me.
I need to think straight so I can
make sure its Janeen writing these messages. Once I confirm that, I'll ask her
to come over tonight. And she will. I know she will.
I need to put an end to this, once
and for all.
So I send my
invitation.
I know who you really are. Your Janeen. Why play around like
this girl. Come on over. That's why I got rid of Celeste. So you and I can get
together. Why don't you come over now and we'll celebrate.
Matt
Immediate reply.
Mathew, You know how jealous I can get. I knew you had eyes
for Janeen. But I won't let your heart get away from me this time. I love you.
Your heart is mine!
Celeste
My reply.
Come on Janeen. Stop playing around. Just come on over and
lets have some fun!
Matt
Immediately.
You cheating, lying, conniving dirt bag! I will see you now
and I will have your heart. Its mine!
Celeste
So I'll talk to you soon girlfriend. You don't have to play
around any longer. Its all good.
Matt
I will have your heart Mathew! I will!
Celeste
Man, with Janeen
trying to scare me like that, I forgot some of the basic searches Police use to
locate computer criminals. Thank you Daemon that Janeen is using a web base
e-mail server so its easy to find her IP address. Now that I have it, I type
the number into the search engine on the web site www.lookupipaddresses.com. And
poof! I have the latitude, 34° 31′ 48.00″ N, I have the longitude, 118° 6′
12.60″ W, and when I type those into www.findanylocation.com,
it gives me?
What the Hell.
Something's wrong. I did it again. And again.
This has got to be some kind of
trick!
Oh, that Janeen is
good. Somehow she has rerouted her e-mails so the source code shows its coming
from my computer. From my house!
I can't wait to kill her.
I better send her
another invitation to make sure she is coming over.
Hey Girl, its about time. I thought we were going to hook
up? Where are you?
Matt
Immediate return reply.
Mathew, I'm outside your door.
Love Celeste
Before I can reply,
I hear her knocking at my door.
I've got her I
thought.
I pulled out the
same butcher's knife I used on Celeste, walk over to the door, raise the knife
high into the air, and swung the door open as fast as I could.
An ear piercing
scream could be heard for miles. That's what brought you here.
The only problem is, the scream,
it came from my mouth, not hers!
Celeste was standing
before me. Looking, just like she said she would look. Rats jumping down from
inside her hair, dirty wrinkled dress, worms squirming out of an eye socket
going into a cavity where her nose once was, and every conceivable type of
maggot chewing away at her decaying flesh.
“Hi Mathew,” said
the rotting corpse of Celeste. “Daemon said I have to be home before morning.
Can I have your heart now?”
That's the last
thing I remember before collapsing to the ground.
The searing pain in my chest is
overbearing.
Can't you help me?
An ambulance medic says, “I'm
sorry, there is nothing I can do for you. You've had a massive heart attack.
It's like nothing I've ever seen before. Without a new heart.”
His voice trails off.
I close my eyes and all I can see
is Celeste, putting her hands into my chest, trying to rip my heart out!
Why doesn't he stop her?
This is,
Enjoying Another Ghost Story,
Jim Hauenstein,
And,
“You know that when I hate you, it is because I love you to a point of passion that unhinges my soul.”
That is a story I wrote and I am sticking to it!
Like what you are reading?
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