Eve Of Halloween

 Yes,

it is the day before

Halloween

when people who celebrate the

Day Of The Dead

begin the ritual of scaring themselves

and their loved ones,

with stories

and poetry of the macabre.

Trick-or-Treating has been cancelled in my neck of the woods due to

COVID-19,

so I plan on reading the

Raven

by

Edgar Allen Poe

out loud to my kids,

watching all the

Tree House Of Horror

episodes from the

Simpsons,

and covering my eyes when my kids put on the scariest flick they can find on

TV.

If you are like me,

reading terrifying stories

and poetry is far more entertaining to the mind then watching all the special effects

Hollywood

can cook up.

So,

for your weekend pleasure,

here are some links to frightful

Poems

and scary

Stories.

 

Poetry

*****

 Vegetarian Zombie

The Curse Of Being A Vampire

1800 Aussie Ghost Story

 

Stories

*****

A-L-I-V - A Short Story

Tic Toc Toc - A Horror Story 

The Refrigerator Hacker 

Kingfisher - A Flash Fiction Story 

And The Child They Love - A Flash Fiction Story 

Did It Hear Me - A Flash Fiction Story 

21st Century Way of Talking to the Dead 

 

This is,

There Is Plenty More Where That Came From Under The Headings Of Poetry And Short Stories & Flash Fiction

Jim Hauenstein

 

And,

 

“Eye of newt, and toe of frog, wool of bat, and tongue of dog,  adder's fork, and blind-worm's sting, lizard's leg, and owlet's wing.
For a charm of powerful trouble, like a hell-broth boil and bubble.
Double, double toil and trouble. Fire burn, and caldron bubble.”
- William Shakespeare -

 

That is my story and I am sticking to it!

 

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Be Kind To Everyone

I'll Be Seeing You

Calculating My Travel Time

This is a post I wrote in 2015

and I feel it is worth repeating here since it has two story lines that I really enjoy.

Space & Humor.

*****

Have you heard?

"A team of astronomers has spotted three exoplanets orbiting around the same star – Wolf 1061 – one of which is in the habitable zone." by Natali Anderson for Sci-News.com. "Wolf 1061 is a red dwarf star located in the constellation Ophiuchus, only 14 light-years from Earth."

Only

14 light-years

away!

Do you know what that means?

Here,

let me get my abacus out.

OK,

  if light travels 300,000 kilometers

or 186,000 miles per second,

and there are 60 seconds in a minute.....

 Let me get my slide rule out.

Sixty seconds in a minute,

60 minutes in an hour,

and there are 24 hours in a day.....

I never did learn how to use this thing!

 I need a number two pencil

and some scrap paper.

  If light travels 300,000 kilometers

or 186,000 miles per second,

we have 60 seconds per minute,

60 minutes per hour,

and 24 hours in a day........

This is why they put calculators on cell phones.

I'm going to use miles instead of kilometers in my calculations because I was born in a country which decided a long time ago to go against the grain of the rest of the World.

Again,

we have 186,000 miles per second,

and we have 60 seconds in a minute.

That will give me 11,160,000 miles so far.

Since we have 60 minutes in an hour,

and if we times that by 11,160,000,

it will give us 669,600,000 miles.

With that said,

we do have 24 hours in a day

and if we times that by 669,600,000 we will have 16,070,400,000 miles!

Since 2020 is a leap year we will have 366 days in this year

and I'll just times that by 16,070,400,00

and we'll get 5,881,766,400,000 miles!

Now we're getting somewhere.

Take 5,881,766,400,000 and times that by 14,

as in 14 light years away

and we'll end up with only

82,344,729,600,000 miles!

Only?

If I write it out,

it looks like

eighty-two trillion, three hundred forty-four billion, seven hundred twenty-nine million, six hundred thousand miles from Earth!!!!!!!!! 

OK,

I can live with that.

Now my  

Vespa Scooter

tops out at a whopping 70 miles an hour.

It will take me....

carry the one....... 

Hell, I don't know!

It will take me a long time dammit!

Wait,

I know!

If I buy a Harley.........

This is,

Hoping If I Hitch-Hike Outside The Kennedy Space Center An Astro-Nut Will Pick Me Up And Take Me Away

Jim Hauenstein

And,

“No one goes out to play anymore. Simulation is becoming reality.” 

- Mary Roach -

That is my story and I am sticking to it!

 

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Be Kind To Everyone

I'll Be Seeing You

 

The Last Joke Is True

I have said in the past that I walk around four to five miles every morning. Today was the first day I started to run for exercise. Of course, after three miles of a hard sprint, I had to turn around and say, "OK lady. Here's your purse back."

 

I wanted to take my grandson to the San Diego Zoo, but the lady at the ticket counter said I would need three tickets. I asked, "What for?" She said, "One for your grandson, and two for you." I asked, "Two for me?" She said, "Yes. You're so damn ugly with that beard, somebody is going to think you're an animal. You'll need a ticket to get in, and one to get out."

 

My wife and I decided to get million dollar life insurance policies on each other, afterwards, she bought a handgun.

I was walking by the river this afternoon when I saw this blond lady on the opposite side. I asked her, "How do I get on the other side of the river?" She said, "You are on the other side."

 

I was out for a drink with my wife last night and I said, "I love you." She asked me, "Is that you or the beer talking" I said, "It's me. I'm talking to the beer"!

I saw a female police officer pull over a drunk driver. I heard her say, "You have the right to remain silent. Anything you say or do can and will be held against you in a court of law." The drunk driver said, "Breasts!"

I've got a new anorexic girlfriend. Its not going too well for me though. I'm seeing less and less of her, all the time. 

I have a problem with golfing. The slow people are always in front of me and the fast people always behind me.

 

I received a bill from the local high school stating that one of the books my daughter returned at the end of the year had water damage and I had to pay sixty dollars for it. My daughter said,

"That's impossible, I never opened that book all year!"

This is,
Telling You That The Last Joke Is A True Story,
Jim Hauenstein,

 

And,

 

You Only Live Once, But If You're Doing It Right, Once Is Enough!

- Mae West -

That is my story and I am sticking to it!

 

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Be Kind To Everyone

I'll Be Seeing You

 

These Jobs Are Available

I know it's hard to find a job nowadays,

since
Politicians,

Educators,

HR Directors,

Parents,

and
Lazy People
with little ambition will tell you that it is so.

Especially with

COVID-19

rearing its ugly head.

I have talked about this subject before in my
Post

Be Important.

Now,

I have
Five Jobs
here though that I know everyone will want.

If you can actually find one of these jobs,

stay ahead of the game

and

Research What Is On The Horizon For That Job,

Always Keep On Learning New Things In Life,

Work At A Job You Like,

Keep Updating Your Resume,

Always Look For Better Opportunities,

Be An Innovator,

and

Never Fall Into Complacency.

In this way,

you will always be in demand in the job market.

OK,

Top Five Jobs You Should Be Looking For!

5)  Pinsetter-There will always be bowling alleys in the Midwest.

4) Rat Catcher-Who doesn't want to crawl in a sewer?

3) Milkman-Straight from the cow. That's the ticket.

2) Airplane Listener-Live next to an airport.

1) Grave Robber-Tis' the season!

There you have it.

Five,

highly sought after job opportunities that you would be a fool to pass up!

Now,

go motivate yourself

and look for a job you will like.

Because you wouldn't want to fall into some kind of employment where the outcome

or longevity of that job can't put food on your table!

This is,

I Believe The Grave Robber Job Is The Only One Still Active,

Jim Hauenstein,

And,

“Despite all my rage, I am still just a rat in the cage.”
- Billy Corgan -

That is my story and I am sticking to it!

 

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Thanks for reading.

Be Kind To Everyone.

I'll Be Seeing You.

 

51-50 Seventy-Two Hour Stay

  During the early 1970s one of my musical heroes was

John Lennon.

At the time,

he was considered to have anger issues.

He was kind of a jerk because he was drunk all the time.

Luckily for him,

because of

Yoko Ono,

and a strange new kind of therapy,

John Lennon 

found peace within himself

and in his life before he died.

This therapy was called 

Scream Therapy,

which eventually became known as the

Primal Therapy.

The premise is,

when all your tension builds up to a point where it could be bothering your state of mind

or your general health,

to release all the negative tension you have,

  you scream as loud as you can.

Afterwards,

you feel much better for it.

This particular therapy has not gone away,

but has fallen under the radar of mainstream psychiatric care that is practiced today.

I am not going to go into a philosophy discussion right now to explain why I know feeling good about yourself is important before you die.

This

Post

is about that experimental therapy which

John Lennon 

enjoyed 

and told the world about.

Since

John Lennon

preached its benefits,

I thought that I would give it a try to quell some of my issues. 

Well,

I have been using this technique for so long now that it has become a habit with me.

Where sometimes I forget where I am

and just let out a wild scream!

Like,

in a car,

at the store,

on a airplane,

and so on.

Those wild screams have landed me inside the

Kaweah Delta Mental Health Hospital

 and boy,

do I feel foolish now.

Wait one second. Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!

See Doctor,

I am all better now.

Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

This is,

Screaming My Way To A 51-50 Seventy-Two Hour Stay,

Jim Hauenstein,

And,

“When deep inside you feel frustrated and depressed, scream the silence, scream it so loud that you never hear it again.” 

- Tushar Cauhan -

That is my story and I am sticking to it!

 

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or leave a Comment.

If it's worthy enough,

I'll answer you in a Post.

Thanks for reading.

Be Kind To Everyone.

I'll Be Seeing You.

 P.S. A 51-50 Is The Police Code For Psychiatric Hold Because You Are Nuts!

Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!!!!!!

?

Vote

I have written on this subject many times.

Yes,

I am passionate about it.

Read some of my

Posts

on the subject

and hopefully you will be too!

I Am Going To Keep Saying This. Vote In This Coming Election! 

Time To Rock The Vote! 

Why Should I Vote? 

Mailing My Ballot In Early 

 

Time For A Change - Make Sure You Vote This Coming Election

 

My Son's Great Grandfather Was A Politician 

 

I Am Not A Mad Scientist - I Am Just Mad 

 

"Bomb Agrabah!" 

 

How Did I Get From "Getting Involved, Voting, To Suing Someone" All In One Post? 

 

They Inspire Me 

 

She's Voting From Space, So Y'all Have No Excuse 

 

Ex-FBI Head James Comey urges Public to vote Democrate 

 

What Now?

 

 

This is,

Saying There Are More Posts About Voting If You Want To Read Them

Just Put In The Word Vote In The Upper Left Search Box

 Jim Hauenstein

And,

“Every election is determined by the people who show up.”
- Larry J. Sabato -

That is my story and I am sticking to it!

 

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or leave a Comment.

If it's worthy enough,

I'll answer you in a Post.

Thanks for reading.

Be Kind To Everyone.

I'll Be Seeing You.

 

A Joke Walked Into A Bar

A man walks into a bar with a set of jumper cables around his neck.

The bartender points at him and says,

"I'm gonna let you in this time, but don't you start anything!"

 

 

 

A really drunk guy walks into a bar and sees a bunch of Lesbians having a birthday party for one of the girls.

The drunk, thinking he is being funny asks,

"Can someone here give me a bl*w-job?" 

One of the ladies walks up to him and says,

"Sure. Blow up these balloons."

Why don't blond men make ice cubes?
Because they don't know the recipe.

What happened to all the blondes at the football stadium?
They drowned in the wave.

 When I die,

I wanna go like my grandpa did.

Peacefully sleeping.

Unlike the passengers in his car.

Do you know when a person is a perfect human being?

It's when he is writing his resume!

 When three people are having sex,

they call it a threesome.

When two people are having sex,

they call it a twosome.

What do they call it when one person is having sex?

Handsome!

This is,

I Do Not Know What They Are Joking About

I Know People Who Have Been Handsome All Their Life

Jim Hauenstein,

And,

“The statistics on sanity are that one out of every four people is suffering from a mental illness. Look at your 3 best friends. If they're OK, then it's you.”
- Rita Mae Brown -

 

That is my story and I am sticking to it!

 

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Thanks for reading.

Be Kind To Everyone.

I'll Be Seeing You.

 

It Was My Fingers Who Said It

 What can I say?

I knew it would be a long hard fought battle to stay motivated.

Nothing comes easy in life for a person who likes to take the road less traveled.

It is the price we pay to have adventures for our souls.

Some just push the boundaries to their right,

some to their left.

Some never push at all.

True thinkers

and doers blast right up the middle.

Head strong.

If they get knock down because of it,

they get right back up,

dust their clothes off,

and hit the ground running.

You are never defeated until you quit.

Not getting up

and knocking down your obstacles

or whatever is holding you back,

is quitting.

Giving up on life.

Believing something is futile before you even try tells me that you are already defeated.

You swim in the shallow end of the pool.

Afraid that an undertow will take you to the deep end

and you won't be able to return to your complacency.

Failing is not the end of the world,

giving up is.

They say the only sure things in life are death

and taxes.

But they are wrong.

If you are alive,

there must have been a birth.

If you have youth,

someone has tried to educate you because you are able to speak.

If you are an adult,

you are expected to work.

Work for your survival.

After your life's work is done,

you are expected to die.

To make room for the next birth.

So the four sure things in life,

if you are alive,

are;

Birth, School, Work, Death.

Just like that band from the 90's

The Godfathers

said in their song.

Except,

I would like to add one word to that list.

Living.

It takes a lot of

Living

between

Birth & Death

to have a

Life.

This is,

I Had No Idea On What To Write About Today So I Sat Down

And Began Typing

Those Are The Words My Fingers Came Up With

Jim Hauenstein,

And,

 “Italians have a little joke, that the world is so hard a man must have two fathers to look after him, and that's why they have godfathers.”
- Mario Puzo, -

That is my story and I am sticking to it!

 

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Be Kind To Everyone.

I'll Be Seeing You.

 

Grit Scale

I have been thinking a lot about the word

"Motivation"

lately.

Wondering if I have the

"Grit"

to persevere in whatever endeavors I decide to tackle each day.

I have listened to podcasts on the subject

and have used my library's three different apps to either listen to audio books

or read a book online on the subject.

I have found a non-scientific but fun little test you can take which compares you to others who have taken it.

According to my test,

I scored higher than 40% of American adults in a recent study.

It is on

Angela Duckworth's Website

where you can also find ways to purchase her book;

Grit, The Power of Passion and Perseverance.

Angela Duckworth is the founder

and CEO of Character Lab,

a nonprofit whose mission is to advance scientific insights that help children thrive.

I like her already.

 Try it at

https://angeladuckworth.com/grit-scale/ 

You just might find out something about yourself.

 

This is,

I Said It Was Non-Scientific Because I Have To Be Higher Than 40%

Jim Hauenstein

 

And,

 

“Confidence gets you off to a fast start. Confidence gets you that first job and maybe the next two promotions. But confidence stops you from learning. Confidence becomes a caricature after a while. I can't tell you how many confident blowhards I've seen in my coaching career who never get better after the age of forty."

- Bill Walsh -

That is my story and I am sticking to it!

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Thanks for reading.

Be Kind To Everyone.

I'll Be Seeing You.

 

I Am In Mourning

 Sorry,

I am in mourning.

A really good person and a friend of mine has died.

It hit me hard because he has always been such a good soul and we need more people like him in thew world.

 R.I.P. Al Javorek

I Will Never Forget The Time Al

And I Rode Together To "The Boys" Yearly Camping Trip

Those Talks We Had Will Always Be My Favorite Memories Of You Al

Better Than Any Drunk Fest We Ever Shared Together

Jim Hauenstein