Text Messages I Send To My Kids

I am sure that I am not the only

Parent

who sends his kids text messages since most of them live so far away.

I send the usual birthday

and holiday greetings.

Inspirational quotes.

I even send the word of the week on

Sundays.

What I really enjoy are my humorous texts.

 

"Jimmy said they put expiration dates on cans because they can!" That joke went right over my head.

 

Department stores have come out with a new size for their clothing line that fits me perfectly. The label reads; XL-LOL

 

Someone asked me if I knew anything about capitalism. I said sure. The first letter of the first word in a sentence is capitalized.

 

I haven't played music in front of an audience in over 30 years. But I was recognized today. The clerk behind the counter at Walgreens said, "I know you." I smiled from ear to ear and asked, "You do?" He shook his head yes and said, "You were in here yesterday."

I have a great idea to counter the toilet paper shortage due to the pandemic. It will make my butt smell good too! Dryer Sheets!

I just thought up a new drinking game. While watching Criminal Minds, every time someone gets murdered, we drink!

Did you know that the city of Dublin in Ireland is the fastest growing city in Europe? Yes, it keeps doublin' and doublin' and doublin'!

 

Did you hear about the rash of pedicure salons getting rob? They are calling it "Clip-Toe-Mania!"

I was texted this question.

Father, what rock group has four men who don't sing? I don't know, I texted back. The answer, Mount Rushmore!

This is,

Why Is My Neighbor Afraid I Will Contaminate His Vegetable Garden?

I'm A Fungi

Jim Hauenstein

And,

“Whenever I feel the need to exercise, I lie down until it goes away.”
- Paul Terry -

 

That is my story and I am sticking to it!

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Be Kind To Everyone.

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