Putting Out An All Points Bulletin

It's

December 16th

in this part of the

World

and it is only

Nine More Days

until some fat guy comes busting into your home,

leaving candy

and presents under an overpriced tree for all of your kids.

Don't we always tell are kids not to talk to strangers?

But we will let a rosy cheeked,

rotund,

bear of a man entice our children with gifts.

And the size of the tree you have is all relative too.

One year I thought I would

"Save A Tree"

by putting out a pine scented cardboard cutout of a tree that said

"Air Freshener"

on it,

and my kids got microscopic presents,

one and all.

This guy chains animals,

in a procession line,

of barbaric cruelty to pull his overloaded outdated carriage.

He dresses up his work force,

all in green tights,

which seems a little perverted to me since they aren't even Irish,

making them work day

and night to meet his deadline.

No time off for the

Holidays,

never a pay raise,

no maternity leave,

and if they don't live up to his strict production quotas,

they are thrown out in the cold.

They are the

Bob Cratchit

of employees for the businessman,

Scrooge!

What is this about that he knows who has been naughty

or nice business?

It says to me that he has been spying on my house to take a peek at my kids covertly.

A Peeping Tom!

I'm starting a

Neighborhood Watchdog Group

and we are going to take this guy down.

I don't want to say I am a vigilante,

but if he has photographs of my kids on him,

playing in my yard

or in my house,

that will be the last time his fingers will ever be able to work a camera!

Where does he get his funding for this yearly project?

With all the data he has been collecting has he been selling the information to the

CIA,

MI-6,

or

KBG?

Or is it organization,

so secret,

so underground,

that the average person hasn't even heard of them.

Like maybe the

North Pole Fairy Secret Police!

That's it.

This is all a plot for

World Domination.

First the children,

then the teenagers,

and it can go on from there.

We must all band together

and stop this so called

Jolly Fat Man.

We don't know how he gets his jollies.

All we know is that he breaks into our houses,

while we are asleep,

eats our cookies

and drinks our milk,

and is gone before anyone ever sees him.

Not this year.

This year my

Neighborhood Watchdog Group,

The Anti-Santas Syndicate,
or
A.S.S.
for short,

is going to put a stop to this hippo,

once and for all!

This is,

Putting Out An All Points Bulletin For This Guy,

Jim Hauenstein,

And,

“Not believe in Santa Claus! You might as well not believe in fairies!”
- Francis Pharcellus Church -

That is my story and I am sticking to it!

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