Counting Down To One

I have just realized something.

I am an adult.

And an adult can buy anything he wants,

anytime he wants.

So I came home with three birthday cakes today,

with only one word written on each.

Breakfast,

Lunch,

and

Dinner.

UPI 

ran a story today where

South Carolinians

have named a local alligator,

"Trump-a-gator."

He must be using the same spray-on tan products!

Will Rodgers once said;

"Diplomacy is the art of saying 'Nice Doggie' until you find a rock."

You know,

people who have everything they want,

are fond of telling people who have nothing they want,

that they really don't want it.

 Two Elephants meet a totally naked guy.

After a while,

one elephant says to the other:

“I really don’t get how he can feed himself with that thing!”
 
Here is a fun fact.

At any given moment,

about .7% of the population is drunk!

Did you hear that oxygen

and magnesium went on a date?

I mean,

OMG!

(Chemistry Joke. Get It?)

Chemists make crappy assault soldiers.

They don’t have the element of surprise.

What is thirty-five-feet long

and has forty-two teeth?

A bus full of rednecks.

My neighbor who is a blond told her Doctor.

"I think I am in trouble. I swallowed an ice cube three days ago and it hasn't come out yet."

I am writing this right now while I am at my Doctor's office.

She has just told me that I have a terminal illness

and only have 10 to live.

I asked frantically,

"Ten? Ten what? Ten months? Ten weeks?"

She said,

"Nine."

 This is,

"Eight."

You Know You Might Be A Redneck When You Finally Cut The Grass

And Find A Car,

"Seven."

Jim Hauenstein,

"Six."

And,

"Five."

“Beauty is in the eye of the beholder and it may be necessary from time to time to give a stupid or misinformed beholder a black eye.”
- Jim Henson -

"Four."

That is my story and I am sticking to it!

"Three."

Like what you are reading,

or do not like what you see.

Set up my Blog as your Homepage,

or sign up as a Follower,

or leave a Comment,

or a Suggestion,

and I will answer you in a Post.

"Two."

Thanks for reading.

"ONE!"