21 In Dog Years

The other day,

a friend of mine

and I were disusing what men find attractive in women.

I said,

"I think more men today are looking for intelligence in a woman."

And he said,

"Sure, that is the first thing men are looking for when they stick their hands up a woman's dress. A library card!"

You know what the most beautiful words are in the English language?

I told you so!

When I lost my rifle,

the Army charged me $85.

That’s why in the Navy,

the captain goes down with the ship.

The Revenant

(2015).


An epic tale of one man’s desperate journey to 
do whatever it takes to 
finally win an Oscar.

Every Scooby-Doo episode would literally be two minutes long if the gang went to the Party City Store first and asked a few questions.

Outside of a Buddhist Temple in Nepal.

“If you lived here, you’d be om by now.”

The closest a person ever comes to perfection is when he is writing his own resume.

I think it’s pretty cool how 
the Chinese made a language entirely out of tattoos.

Bifocals are God’s way of saying,

“Keep your chin up.”

I’d rather spend ten minutes 
rearranging the dishwasher to 
accommodate something than spend 30 seconds washing it by hand!

What is a man's idea of a balanced diet?
  A Beer in each hand!

How is a casino like a woman?
  Liquor in the front, poker in the back!

Why did God invent whiskey?
  So the Irish would never rule the world!

This is,

Me Saying That Instagram Is Twitter For People Who Go Outside,

Jim Hauenstein,

And,

“Never underestimate how much assistance, how much satisfaction, how much comfort, how much soul and transcendence there might be in a well-made taco and a cold bottle of beer.”
- Tom Robbins, -

That is my story and I am sticking to it!

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