The Last Joke Is True

I have said in the past that I walk around four to five miles every morning. Today was the first day I started to run for exercise. Of course, after three miles of a hard sprint, I had to turn around and say, "OK lady. Here's your purse back."

 

I wanted to take my grandson to the San Diego Zoo, but the lady at the ticket counter said I would need three tickets. I asked, "What for?" She said, "One for your grandson, and two for you." I asked, "Two for me?" She said, "Yes. You're so damn ugly with that beard, somebody is going to think you're an animal. You'll need a ticket to get in, and one to get out."

 

My wife and I decided to get million dollar life insurance policies on each other, afterwards, she bought a handgun.

I was walking by the river this afternoon when I saw this blond lady on the opposite side. I asked her, "How do I get on the other side of the river?" She said, "You are on the other side."

 

I was out for a drink with my wife last night and I said, "I love you." She asked me, "Is that you or the beer talking" I said, "It's me. I'm talking to the beer"!

I saw a female police officer pull over a drunk driver. I heard her say, "You have the right to remain silent. Anything you say or do can and will be held against you in a court of law." The drunk driver said, "Breasts!"

I've got a new anorexic girlfriend. Its not going too well for me though. I'm seeing less and less of her, all the time. 

I have a problem with golfing. The slow people are always in front of me and the fast people always behind me.

 

I received a bill from the local high school stating that one of the books my daughter returned at the end of the year had water damage and I had to pay sixty dollars for it. My daughter said,

"That's impossible, I never opened that book all year!"

This is
Telling You That The Last Joke Is A True Story
TwoBuckHowie

 

And

 

You Only Live Once, But If You're Doing It Right, Once Is Enough!

- Mae West -

That is my story and I am sticking to it!

 

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Be Kind To Everyone

I'll Be Seeing You

 

These Jobs Are Available

I know it's hard to find a job nowadays,

since
Politicians,

Educators,

HR Directors,

Parents,

and
Lazy People
with little ambition will tell you that it is so.

Especially with

COVID-19

rearing its ugly head.

I have talked about this subject before in my
Post

Be Important.

Now,

I have
Five Jobs
here though that I know everyone will want.

If you can actually find one of these jobs,

stay ahead of the game

and

Research What Is On The Horizon For That Job,

Always Keep On Learning New Things In Life,

Work At A Job You Like,

Keep Updating Your Resume,

Always Look For Better Opportunities,

Be An Innovator,

and

Never Fall Into Complacency.

In this way,

you will always be in demand in the job market.

OK,

Top Five Jobs You Should Be Looking For!

5)  Pinsetter-There will always be bowling alleys in the Midwest.

4) Rat Catcher-Who doesn't want to crawl in a sewer?

3) Milkman-Straight from the cow. That's the ticket.

2) Airplane Listener-Live next to an airport.

1) Grave Robber-Tis' the season!

There you have it.

Five,

highly sought after job opportunities that you would be a fool to pass up!

Now,

go motivate yourself

and look for a job you will like.

Because you wouldn't want to fall into some kind of employment where the outcome

or longevity of that job can't put food on your table!

This is,

I Believe The Grave Robber Job Is The Only One Still Active,

Jim Hauenstein,

And,

“Despite all my rage, I am still just a rat in the cage.”
- Billy Corgan -

That is my story and I am sticking to it!

 

 Like what you are reading?

Sign up as a Follower,

or leave a Comment.

If it's worthy enough,

I'll answer you in a Post.

Thanks for reading.

Be Kind To Everyone.

I'll Be Seeing You.

 

51-50 Seventy-Two Hour Stay

  During the early 1970s one of my musical heroes was

John Lennon.

At the time,

he was considered to have anger issues.

He was kind of a jerk because he was drunk all the time.

Luckily for him,

because of

Yoko Ono,

and a strange new kind of therapy,

John Lennon 

found peace within himself

and in his life before he died.

This therapy was called 

Scream Therapy,

which eventually became known as the

Primal Therapy.

The premise is,

when all your tension builds up to a point where it could be bothering your state of mind

or your general health,

to release all the negative tension you have,

  you scream as loud as you can.

Afterwards,

you feel much better for it.

This particular therapy has not gone away,

but has fallen under the radar of mainstream psychiatric care that is practiced today.

I am not going to go into a philosophy discussion right now to explain why I know feeling good about yourself is important before you die.

This

Post

is about that experimental therapy which

John Lennon 

enjoyed 

and told the world about.

Since

John Lennon

preached its benefits,

I thought that I would give it a try to quell some of my issues. 

Well,

I have been using this technique for so long now that it has become a habit with me.

Where sometimes I forget where I am

and just let out a wild scream!

Like,

in a car,

at the store,

on a airplane,

and so on.

Those wild screams have landed me inside the

Kaweah Delta Mental Health Hospital

 and boy,

do I feel foolish now.

Wait one second. Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!

See Doctor,

I am all better now.

Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

This is,

Screaming My Way To A 51-50 Seventy-Two Hour Stay,

Jim Hauenstein,

And,

“When deep inside you feel frustrated and depressed, scream the silence, scream it so loud that you never hear it again.” 

- Tushar Cauhan -

That is my story and I am sticking to it!

 

 Like what you are reading?

Sign up as a Follower,

or leave a Comment.

If it's worthy enough,

I'll answer you in a Post.

Thanks for reading.

Be Kind To Everyone.

I'll Be Seeing You.

 P.S. A 51-50 Is The Police Code For Psychiatric Hold Because You Are Nuts!

Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!!!!!!

?

Vote

I have written on this subject many times.

Yes,

I am passionate about it.

Read some of my

Posts

on the subject

and hopefully you will be too!

I Am Going To Keep Saying This. Vote In This Coming Election! 

Time To Rock The Vote! 

Why Should I Vote? 

Mailing My Ballot In Early 

 

Time For A Change - Make Sure You Vote This Coming Election

 

My Son's Great Grandfather Was A Politician 

 

I Am Not A Mad Scientist - I Am Just Mad 

 

"Bomb Agrabah!" 

 

How Did I Get From "Getting Involved, Voting, To Suing Someone" All In One Post? 

 

They Inspire Me 

 

She's Voting From Space, So Y'all Have No Excuse 

 

Ex-FBI Head James Comey urges Public to vote Democrate 

 

What Now?

 

 

This is

Saying There Are More Posts About Voting If You Want To Read Them

Just Put In The Word Vote In The Upper Left Search Box

 TwoBuckHowie

And

“Every election is determined by the people who show up.”
- Larry J. Sabato -

That is my story and I am sticking to it!

 

 Like what you are reading

 

Sign up as a Follower or leave a Comment

I would love to hear from you

Thanks for reading

Be Kind To Everyone

I'll Be Seeing You

 

A Joke Walked Into A Bar

A man walks into a bar with a set of jumper cables around his neck.

The bartender points at him and says,

"I'm gonna let you in this time, but don't you start anything!"

 

 

 

A really drunk guy walks into a bar and sees a bunch of Lesbians having a birthday party for one of the girls.

The drunk, thinking he is being funny asks,

"Can someone here give me a bl*w-job?" 

One of the ladies walks up to him and says,

"Sure. Blow up these balloons."

Why don't blond men make ice cubes?
Because they don't know the recipe.

What happened to all the blondes at the football stadium?
They drowned in the wave.

 When I die,

I wanna go like my grandpa did.

Peacefully sleeping.

Unlike the passengers in his car.

Do you know when a person is a perfect human being?

It's when he is writing his resume!

 When three people are having sex,

they call it a threesome.

When two people are having sex,

they call it a twosome.

What do they call it when one person is having sex?

Handsome!

This is,

I Do Not Know What They Are Joking About

I Know People Who Have Been Handsome All Their Life

Jim Hauenstein,

And,

“The statistics on sanity are that one out of every four people is suffering from a mental illness. Look at your 3 best friends. If they're OK, then it's you.”
- Rita Mae Brown -

 

That is my story and I am sticking to it!

 

 Like what you are reading?

Sign up as a Follower,

or leave a Comment.

If it's worthy enough,

I'll answer you in a Post.

Thanks for reading.

Be Kind To Everyone.

I'll Be Seeing You.