Four More Days Until Christmas

It's

December 21st

in this part of the

World

and it is only

  Four More Days

until some fat guy comes busting into our homes!

He leaves candy

and presents under an overpriced tree for all of our kids.

Don't we always tell our kids not to take candy

or talk to strangers?

But we will let a rosy cheeked,

rotund bear of a man,

entice our children with gifts?

And the size of the tree you buy is all relative too.

One year I thought I would

"Save A Tree"

by putting out a pine scented cardboard cutout of a

Christmas Tree

that said

"Air Freshener"

on it.

  All of my kids got microscopic presents!

This guy chains up animals,

in a procession line of barbaric cruelty to pull his overloaded outdated carriage.

He dresses up his work force in green tights,

which seems a little perverted to me since they aren't even

Irish!

Making them work day

and night to meet his deadline.

  They never get time off for the

Holidays,

never get a pay raise,

there's no maternity leave,

and if they don't live up to his strict production quotas,

they are thrown out into the cold.

They are the

Bob Cratchit

of employees for this businessman,

Scrooge!

Sounds like

Amazon

doesn't it.

And what is this stuff about that he knows who has been naughty

or nice business?

It says to me that he has been spying on my house to take a peek at my covertly.

He's A Peeping Tom!

I'm starting a

Neighborhood Watchdog Group

and we are going to take this guy down.

I don't want to say I am a vigilante,

but if he has photographs of my kids on him,

playing in my yard,

or in my house,

that will be the last time his fingers will ever be able to work a camera!

Where does he get his funding for this yearly project anyways?

With all the data he has been collecting,

has he been selling the information to the

CIA,

MI-6,

KBG,

Apple,

or to

Google?

Or is it an organization so secret,

so far underground,

that the average person hasn't even heard about them yet?

Like maybe the

North Pole Fairy Secret Police!

That's it.

This is all a plot for

World Domination.

First the children,

then the teenagers,

and it goes on from there.

We must all band together

and stop this so called

Jolly Fat Man.

Why?

Because we don't really know how he gets his jollies.

All we know is that he breaks into our houses,

while we are asleep,

eats our cookies,

  drinks our milk,

and is gone before anyone ever sees him.

Not this year.

This year my

Neighborhood Watchdog Group;

The Anti-Santas Syndicate,
or
A.S.S.
for short,

is going to put a stop to this hippo,

once and for all!

This is,

Putting Out An All Points Bulletin For This Jolly Guy,

Jim Hauenstein,

And,

“Not believe in Santa Claus! You might as well not believe in fairies!”
- Francis Pharcellus Church -

 

That is my story and I am sticking to it!

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Thanks for reading.

Be Kind To Everyone.

I'll Be Seeing You!