The Man From Mars - Episode Sixteen

   After my hearty morning breakfast, with a side order of bitchy waitress, I walked outside the greasy spoon and looked for a bus stop sign. Sure enough, about ten yards away, was the sign designating a street corner. Even though the main thoroughfare was a paved road, the cross street was a dirt road.
   No sidewalks. No curbs. Just a dirt road leading up to the paved road with a bus stop sign indicating the corner.
   Zanesville, Ohio. Population 25,500 people. Had a pretty busy Transit Authority for its size. The sign on the bus stop post read that buses ran from 6 a.m. to 6 p.m. Every hour and on the hour at this stop.
   It seemed strange that a bus would come out here, to the edge of town, on the top of the hour all day long. Saturday and Sundays included.
   The only thing I could think of was, the buses ran during the peek working hours for this small town until I read further and the noticed the buses ran to three Universities. Ohio University-Zanesville, Zane State College, and Muskingum University.
   Its a small college town in the middle of Ohio.
   That might explains "Wally's Wail of a Deal" used car sales in town. I'm sure good old Wally will always be a good Samaritan, helping poor college students with there high tuition by buying there cars from them, then selling them back at a higher price.
   It's just a hunch, but I'll bet Wally is a wail of a guy to deal with.
   while waiting for the top of the noon day hour, a question kept popping up in my head the was begging to be answered.
   Who was this Zane guy and why is the town named after him?
   The bus came and it route was right down the middle of town, turning right on the corner Wally's Wail of a Deal stood. How convenient, I thought, for first time wannabe car buyers seeing his place day after day while riding the bus.
   I got off at the next stop and walked the half block up to Wally's.
   Surprisingly, when I walked onto the lot, no one came running out of the office with hard pitch sales offer on a car that was seldom used by a little old lady from Pasadena.
   So I moseyed around the place, unattended.
   There was a wide variety of used cars to be had. From the old clunker of a pick-up truck, to maybe a year or two old Corvette.
   I didn't want anything too conspicuous. Like the red Corvette.
   I read somewhere that Police will pull over a red sports car speeding, while a white sedan doing the same speed, would have a better chance of getting away with it.
   So when I came across a silver, four door, 2008 Buick LaCrosse Sedan, I stuck my face next to the driver's side window to see the interior. That's when Wally came out of his office with the keys in hand, asking if I wanted to test drive that beauty.
   Old Wally had a unique kind of way of selling cars. Let the customer look around to find what they like, then get inside the car with a test drive. All the while pitching the great value that particular vehicle was and its future resale value.
   What a good investment I would be making if I bought from him.
   I the car after a drive around town and we went into his office for the paper work when we got back.
   He was asking the top end of Kelley's Blue Book value I imagined, because he was asking for a firm three thousand dollars for it. I offered two thousand eight hundred for it and he grab it.
   "Will you be bring in your own financing or will you need to go through our finance department." Wally asked. "We have all ten Banks and one Credit Union working with us to make this deal work for you."
   I told him that I'll be paying cash.
   This brought up a wry smile when he said, "You know the Federal states that I have to report any transactions of cash worth over five hundred dollars."
   "That's fine," I said. "I plan on moving into the area in two months and I am here right now looking at houses for sale before I move the wife and kids out. I'll need the registration and sticker sent to my home in upstate New York. I'll be driving the car back there before finally moving here."
   So I gave him one of my fake driver's license, the one saying I lived in Horsehead, New York. Signed a false name and drove away with dealer registration sticking in my front windshield.
   On the way out of town, I stopped at a gas station and went inside the convenient store to purchase a road map. The clerk said she had been working there for almost eight months and never once had ever sold a map. She said that, she didn't even know that the store still carried them.
   I got back into my car and picked a town from random.
   Paulding, Ohio on the north-west end of the state, in the middle of nowhere.
   Paulding, here I come and I hope you have a cheap hotel there.

To Be Continued...

Next Thursday.

This is,

Expecting A Lot More Excitement Out Of Next Week's Episode,

Jim Hauenstein,

And,

“Pontiacs, Oldsmobiles, Buicks – manufactured by General Motors, the most vigorous purveyor of philistine vulgarity the world has ever known.”
- Bill Morris -

That is my story and I am sticking to it!

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