I Feel Better Now That I've Said It

I have a confession to make. 

I never wanted to talk about this subject for fear my
Father
would read it. 

I'm proud to say he is still alive 

and as sharp as a tack. 

I'm afraid though, 

if he knew more about what I'm going through, 

I would disappoint him 

or I could hurt him somehow, 

inside. 

I know, 

foolish me. 

But, 

what bothers me, 

bothers me constantly today, 

and for some reason, 

deep down, 

I feel if I write about what it is that is bothering me, 

I might release myself of my personal disappointment I have for myself. 

I always tell my kids not to regret the mistakes they'll make in life, 

because they are learning experiences. 

If you never fail, 

you can never feel the joy of victory. 

We all make mistakes 

and it's what you learn from your mistakes which helps you grow as a person. 

I have fought many daemons throughout my life. 

From a shy child in grade school, 

who would shake terribly throughout his whole body if I had to stand up in front of class, 

to eventually becoming a salesman, 

where I had to talk to people ten hours a day. 

(Schools in my day passed every student no matter how poorly they did.) 

Now my kids tell me I talk too much, 

to almost everyone I meet. 

Thinking back, 

I have written on this subject before in my April 15th, 

2015 Post,  

It Takes Away Your Precious Time!

I suggest taking a peak at it. 

My daemons I have to fight off today, 

is all about alcohol. 

I haven't had a drink since 

New Years Eve 

and I don't plan on having any. 

I guess being ill from the flu 

and having pneumonia has weakened my resolve, 

because all night I've been thinking just one shot will help me get the sleep I need. 

I'm not saying I would become a raging alcoholic from just one shot, 

but thinking that a shot will help me, 

is what starts the cycle of fooling yourself. 

The time I had last year, 

visiting my friend up at Big Bear Lake, 

was a lot of fun, 

and we only drank some Irish Cream with our meals. 

That's the way to enjoy life. 

Not by wasting away everyday 

or night by getting buzzed. 

But by being with friends 

and family with a level head.

This is,

I Do Feel Better Now That I Wrote About It,

Jim Hauenstein,

And,

"Alcohol was made for men and only fools drink it!" - Delbert Hauenstein -

That's my story and I'm sticking to it!

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