Don't Be Fooled

I want to inform my viewing Public,
of all the imitators out there.
Once you have a good thing going,
like a Rolex Watch,
all the cheep imitations seem to creep on out,
from every street corner.

I am,
as in me,
as in I,
as in only me,
is the real
Two Buck Howie!

I've had this nickname since 1980,
when I was laid off from the prestigious job of slaughtering hogs,
back when I lived in the beautiful State of Wisconsin.

I already had the nickname of Howie from my grade school days. Hauenstein, Howie.
Get it.

Then came the Two Buck part of my name.

I used to meet my best friend Scott,
at the local dive Bar,
to hustle drinks by playing darts or shooting pool.
I would walk in the Bar with two,
$1 bills,
but by the end of the night,
I was always over the legal limit
of any breathalyzer
and I would be ten to twenty dollars richer.

The next day,
I would only bring two dollars from my winnings
and the whole process would begin again.

Soon,
I had to change bars every night because
people wouldn't play me for money any longer.
When I would walk into a place,
people started telling their friends
or the people around them,
not to play me because
I would hustle them.
The patrons who had never met me would ask,
"Who is that guy?"
That's when Scott started saying,
"That's Two Buck Howie."

True Story.

Back then,
I always lived by a famous quote from my favorite hustler,
golfer Chi Chi Rodriguez.
"Pressure?
You want to know what pressure is?
Pressure is when you make a fifty dollar bet and only have five dollars in your wallet."
He then went on to say,
"That's why I became so good at golf,
I couldn't lose because I couldn't pay the bet."

My Hero!

So tell your friends,
if they want to Google my name to find me,
it's,
2buckhowie,
with the numeral two,
not 2 spelled out.
And don't fall prey to those imitators.
They'll only rot your mind!

This is Jim Hauenstein,

And,

That is my story and I am sticking to it!

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