What I Have To Do To Get A Laugh Out Of You?

Recently,
I went into one of those discount massage parlors.

It turned out to be self serve!

Then I met this hooker on a street corner.

She told me she had a headache!

If it wasn't for the guy who just pick-pocketed me,

I'd have no sex life at all!

I blame it all on my upbringing when I was a child.

When I took my first step,
my Dad tripped me!

When I was born,
the doctor slapped my Mom!

Then,
I think I was still a virgin at the age of thirty-three,

I was making love to this girl I was dating
and she started crying.

I asked,
"Are you going to hate yourself in the morning?"

She said,
"No, I hate myself now!"

One night I thought I was going to get really lucky.

I had these two girls in my car
and they both scream at the same time,
"Stop here!"

Right next to the International House of Pancakes was a Motel 6.

We went inside,
and I had to pay for two
"Rooty Tooty Fresh N Fruity"
meals!

Then I started dating this girl who was half-black.

She dumped me because she said I was prejudiced.

In a sweet moment,
I called her half-white!

When I got married,
I asked my wife if I could give her a Goodnight kiss on her cheek.

She bent over!

Still,
I believe,
in this World,
every person has a soul mate.

And if I ever find mine,
my wife will kill her!

I did meet a famous Politician once.

I met the Surgeon General,
and he offered me a cigarette!

People say I look a lot younger than I really am.

That's because I act so immature!

This is,
What I Have To Do To Get A Laugh Out Of You,
Jim Hauenstein,

And,

“A day without sunshine is like, you know, night.”
- Steve Martin -

That is my story and I am sticking to it!

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This is a Reprint of my Post
Just Joking Around
from Monday, June 15th, 2015.
I thought it was so good I had to bring it back for a second time.