Motor Mouth Strikes Again

This is a classic tail of a misunderstanding.

The names have been change to protect the innocent.

The location has been change to protect the environment.

Everything has been change to protect my loved ones.

This is a true story of passion

and the true testament of one man's mind in a fog.

 

One day, I was walking with one of my daughters on one of my daily walks. I have four daughters, so your guess is as good as mine as to which one it might have been. We were walking and talking about one of my sons, which is one of her brothers of course, I have three sons so your guess is as good as mine as to which son it might have been, and we were discussing his girlfriend. Well, we haven't met his girlfriend yet because this son of mine says I will embarrass him and her once I do. My comeback to that is, "Luke. That is my job. I am your father!" His name isn't Luke, but I wanted to throw in that Star Wars reference anyways. So we were talking, while we were walking, when another daughter of mine called the daughter I was walking with. She said she knew the reason we haven't met my one son's girlfriend yet. She said, "She is little." Being the sophisticated, suave, and debonair man of the World that I am, I blurted out, "She's a midget?" Which, of course got hysterical laughter from both of my daughters. Yes, I could hear the one on the cellphone laughing too! A person I have known for many years, who I have worked with in the past, and I still consider a good friend of mine, is a little person. I do not mean to sound dumb by using the non-politically-correct word, midget. I was brought up in a different era, which should not be an excuse, but sometimes my mouth works faster then my brain. And besides, it wouldn't matter to me who my son is in love with, as long as they are a good person. What my daughter on the phone was trying to relate and which my daughter who was walking with me picked up on immediately, is that she is younger than him. All of my family have a good time when they are around me and my mouth says something before I know what it is being said. Maybe I should keep it shut?

Nah.

You know, after you have dated someone, it should be legal to put a stamp on them with what is wrong with them, so the next person doesn't have to start from scratch.

I knew these Siamese twins once. They moved to England, so the other one could drive.

The biggest change after having kids was putting a swear jar in the house. Whenever I said a bad word, 
I had to put a dollar in the jar, and 
at the end of every month, they take all that money and buy themselves a nice steak dinner, because of me being such a cool dad.

“Has your son decided what 
he wants to be when he grows up?”

I asked my friend.
“He wants to be a garbageman,”

he replied.
“That’s an unusual ambition to have at such a young age.”
I commented.
“Not really. He thinks that garbagemen work only on Tuesdays.”

This is,

I Have To Get Ready For Work

I Am The Newest Lyft Driver On The Block

Jim Hauenstein,

And,

“There is nothing in this world so irresistibly contagious as laughter and good humor.”
- Charles Dickens -

That is my story and I am sticking to it!

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