Play It Safe Out There

I have been on the road a lot lately,

since I started my new job.

Because of it,

I am having a hard time figuring out when to write,

when to spend time with my family,

and when to have time for myself.

So now,

I have been sitting at my computer,

for about an hour,

trying to think of something to write about.

Going from

Link To Link,

and trying to think,

I finally came across something I find interesting.

It never amazes me,

the cruelty of the human species.

The Most Gruesome Government Report Ever Written Evaluates 34 Ways to Execute a Man
In 1887, New York State appointed three men to evaluate every possible way to execute a man—which they did in disturbing detail.
By William Gurstelle For Popular Mechanics.com
"In 1887, the state of New York published what became popularly known as the Gerry Commission Report. This is one piece of bureaucratic prose that is neither dull nor boring. In fact, it may be among the most macabre and gruesome in the annals of American writing. Three men wrote the Gerry report. There was Elbridge Gerry of New York, grandson of another Elbridge Gerry who signed the Declaration of Independence and became the fifth vice president of the United States. There was Matthew Hale, grandson of Nathan Hale, the Revolutionary War patriot who famously regretted he had but one life to give for his country. And there was Alfred Southwick, a Buffalo dentist who was the grandson of nobody particularly famous."

If you want to know all the insidious ways these three men dreamt up of killing people,

please go to the link above.

I wouldn't want

William Gurstelle

of accusing me of plagiarism

or of stealing his story.

Especially,

this kind of hideous story.

Did you know that the

Nasa.gov

website has a

Download

page,

where you can get free

Apps,

 E-Books,

Podcasts,

Audio,

and

Ringtones!

If you like

Pictures

of

Space

and

Space Objects,

don't forget to check out their

Galleries.

Time to go back to work!

This is,

Me Saying Sayonara Boys

And Girls

Play It Safe Out There Tonight

Jim Hauenstein,

And,

“It suddenly struck me that that tiny pea, pretty and blue, was the Earth. I put up my thumb and shut one eye, and my thumb blotted out the planet Earth. I didn't feel like a giant. I felt very, very small.”
- Neil Armstrong -

That is my story and I sticking to it!

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I Have Been Handsome All My Life

A man walks into a bar with a set of jumper cables around his neck.

The bartender points at him and says,

"I'm gonna let you in this time, but don't you start anything!"

A really drunk guy walks into a bar and sees a bunch of Lesbians having a birthday party for one of the girls.

The drunk, thinking he is being funny asks,

"Can someone here give me a bl*w-job?" 

One of the ladies walks up to him and says,

"Sure. Blow up these balloons."

Why don't blond men make ice cubes?
Because they don't know the recipe.

What happened to all the blondes at the football stadium?
They drowned in the wave.

 When I die,

I wanna go like my grandpa did.

Peacefully sleeping.

Unlike the passengers in his car.

Do you know when a person is a perfect human being?

It's when he is writing his resume!

 When three people are having sex,

they call it a threesome.

When two people are having sex,

they call it a twosome.

What do they call it when one person is having sex?

Handsome!

This is,

I Do Not Know What They Are Joking About

I Have Been Handsome All My Life

Jim Hauenstein,

And,

“The statistics on sanity are that one out of every four people is suffering from a mental illness. Look at your 3 best friends. If they're OK, then it's you.”
- Rita Mae Brown -

That is my story and I am sticking to it!

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The Man From Mars - Episode Nine

   Hunkered down in the bunker, once I was alone, I had time to think. I thought about my encounter with the Man from Mars. What was it that he said or did that made me believe his story in the first place?
   Looking back, it was like any other Friday night at Harry's Bar. The usual crowd of drinkers. Some, just sitting there, quiet, drowning their deep seated sorrows. Some, where after work drinkers, unwinding from the hard day. Some, were a group of everyday regulars laughing, telling jokes. Others, were the same single guys and gals flirting with one another every night. But they always seemed to go home alone. I guess having friends was too important for each of them, then by ruining it, with having a real relationship with anyone.
   If I recall correctly, when I walked in, there were two tables open. I could have sat at either one, but then I would have been drinking alone. If I wanted to do that, I could have stayed home and saved some money. No, I like sitting at the bar, where I usually know whom I am sitting next to. That way I can have a conversation with someone.
   I like talking to people. That is why I go to a social environment like a tavern in the first place. Besides, you never know who you might there.
   This is New York. When celebs aren't being paid by the top Raves or Clubs to patronize their establishments, and they feel a need to get out and about, they always find a place like Harry's to hideaway in. I even seen a few local Politicians come in once in awhile, not knowing I was there, with someone or two which would have put them on the front page of the morning newspaper. Lucky for them, if I'm not doing a story where they are involved, I can care less what they do. I'm not a tabloid kind of journalist.
   But that night, the only chair at the bar, was next to that stranger. He was friendly enough. He didn't say much at first. I was the one who started talking to him first.
   It was the usual dopey stuff like, "What do you think of this weather?" Do you think those Mets will go all the way?" "Are you an Islander's fan or a Ranger's fan."
   At first I thought the guy must have been a TV personality. He had an impeccable suite on. Better than anything I've seen at Harry's in a long time. He had the perfect skin tone for what I imagined was his age. He was without a blemish, wrinkle, or crows-feet to mar his complexion. The perfect combination of nipping and tucking, I thought, with a little bit of Botox on the side.
   Then, when I asked him about the weather, he goes into this rant, about the effects of the different atmospheric conditions and what it means to the oncoming weather.
   How could I not think of him as a TV personality. At the time it seemed pretty obvious to me that he was doing the weather for a TV station somewhere upstate or something. He was just too happy to explain things to me. Like those meteorologists you see on the Weather Channel.
   He wasn't from New York though, that's for sure. Because I know everyone at the local stations and I had never seen him before that night in the bar.
   After all the small talk got out of the way, that is when he offered to buy me a shot and a mug of beer. And as my Daddy always told me, "If someone is willing to pay, let them pay. You'll be that much richer in the morning."
   The more I drank, the more he opened up and talked.
   I almost walked out when he started talking about, what every drunk starts mumbling about, how lonely he was.
   But, that would have been rude. He had just bought me a full mug of beer and a shot of tequila. And you never know, he might buy me some more.
   His rant was about how he had outlived everyone. From his family, to his friends.
   That kind of tore at my heart stings. He didn't look a day over forty and everyone he knew had died?
   At the time, I was thinking, I hope it isn't catchy."
   Maybe that is when I started listening in earnest. He was so sincere about his relationships and the effect it had him being alone, that I actually started feeling sorry for the guy.
   He talked about how he was an important figure, where he came from originally. A World leader, of sorts. Where the populace erected monuments in his honor.
   I don't know if I was impressed by this or a little suspicious that he was beginning to bullshit me, but I had to know, so I asked him. "Do you have any pictures? Can I see one of these monuments?"
   This sadden him. He didn't say anything at first. Then he slowly pulled out his smart phone, from his suite's inside jacket pocket, and showed me a picture.
   It was the picture we have all seen on social media, saying there is a human's face on the planet Mars.
   "This is all I have left," he said. "You see, my World destroyed itself millions of your Earth years ago. Only a few of us managed to escape, and we came here, to populate this World!"

To Be Continued...

Next Thursday.

This is,

Me,

Saying I Am Sorry For Missing So Many Days Last Week Of Writing

Hopefully I Will Not Become Sick Anymore This Year

Thanks For Coming Back

And Reading My Stuff Though

I Really Do Appreciate It

Jim Hauenstein,

And,

“I am not going to Mars unless they have a McDonald's dollar menu.”
- Steven Magee -

That is my story and I am sticking to it!

 

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Set up my Blog as your Homepage,

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Heed The Warning Signs

I saw a couple of old friends yesterday

and we started talking about my new job,

being

Lyft

driver.

What we talked about was,

how this type of cheap transportation could have saved us out of a lot of trouble with the

Courts

and thousands of dollars in

Fines,

back in the day.

Or,

you can

Heed The Warning Signs In Life

given to you by

Karma.

For example;

I was bullheaded kind of beer drinker in my younger days

and I used to drive home after sitting at a bar for a couple of hours after work.

One night I stayed a little too long,

but still decided to drive home.

Which is at least 25 miles

or 40 kilometers between my

Home & Bar.

So,

on this drunken night,

Karma

saw to it that I had good luck going my way.

I was driving erratically,

going onto the shoulder,

then compensating too much the other way,

ending up in the middle of the road,

sometimes crossing over into the on-coming-traffic-lane.

I was about half way home when a vehicle came up behind me flashing its lights

and beeping its horn.

I thought for sure,

this was it.

I was going to get busted for drunk driving.

I pulled over

and waited.

Suddenly,

this person opens my driver side door

and says;

"Move over. I'm a Christian!"

He drove me home while his girlfriend followed us in his car.

I couldn't see the warning signs that my drinking was getting out of hand,

because on the very next day,

I went to the bar

and told everyone what had happened.

We all laughed

and laughed on how lucky I was.

But my luck ran out.

Two weeks later,

I was busted for

Driving-While-Under-The-Influence.

It was a lesson I needed to learn

and soon quit drinking thereafter.

My family was happy that I did too!

If I would have heeded

Karma's Warning

of if they had a program like

Lyft

back in the day,

I wonder how things might have been different.

One thing though,

I might have a drink

or two on a special occasion,

I just never get drunk anymore

or drive a car after having a beer.

This is,

Still Thanking Karma For Helping Me Never To Have An Accident In California While Drinking,

Jim Hauenstein,

And,

 “Always do sober what you said you'd do drunk. That will teach you to keep your mouth shut.”
- Ernest Hemingway -

That is my story and I am sticking to it!

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Set up my Blog as your Homepage,

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or a Suggestion,

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Thanks for reading.

It Makes Life Worth Living

It is

Sunday.

A day to give thanks for everything we have gotten in life by the good graces of the

Lord

you believe in.

I was brought up a

Catholic,

but during a tumultuous time,

when a

Nun

and a

Priest

were removed from office because of some extracurricular activities they were doing.

The

Church

I once went to is no longer there.

They closed up the shop!

I am more of a believer in

Karma

these days.

Oh,

I won't go to

India

to bathe in the

Ganges River,

or paint my face with the ashes from a dead corpse.

I just like the part that

Karma

plays in all of our lives.

 

So I want to congratulate someone I believe who deserves the recognition.

Maybe not publicly.

The

World

doesn't need to know his name.

I wouldn't want any kind of stigma associated with his name because of my little

Blog.

Let's face it.

Even when you are looking for a job,

Employers

do a

Google Search

of your name.

And some people,

will always have a bad attitude towards someone,

no matter how much they have change their life around for the better.

If this person

or his friends read my remarks,

they will know who I am talking about.

I am not stalking you my friend,

but someone showed me your

Facebook Page

the other day.

It has a picture of you smiling,

and you have your arm around your new girlfriend.

Something,

I knew you had it in you.

To be happy again.

I think you have talent as an

"Tagger,"

and I believe tagging is an art form,

but you needed to take care of yourself first.

Something you probably thought was impossible a year

or so ago.

And stay away from those
Demons
to keep moving your life forward.

I hope,

in some way I have helped.

(Because I am working on my Karma points too, don't you know.)

I commend you for doing so.

See,

Karma

has rewarded your hard work.

This is,

Giving Thanks To All The Wonderful People I Have Met In My Life.

It Makes Life Worth Living.

Jim Hauenstein,

And,

“Even if things don't unfold the way you expected, don't be disheartened or give up. One who continues to advance will win in the end.”
- Daisaku Ikeda -

I came across this quote today

and I like it so much,

I just had to add another one to today's

Post.

This is what

Karma

is all about.

 “If you're really a mean person you're going to come back as a fly and eat poop.”
- Kurt Cobain -

That is my story and I am sticking to it!

Like what you are reading?

Set up my Blog as your Homepage,

or Sign up as a Follower,

or Leave a Comment,

or a Suggestion,

and I will answer you in a Post.

Thanks for reading.