My Internet Is Down

Sorry,

but I don't have much time.

The router from the internet company I use has failed.

After being on the phone for over two hours,

the technician I was talking to finally decided that the router had to be replaced.

He said,

they will send me a new router by priory mail

and I will get it on

Monday.

Then all I have to do is hook it up myself

and mail the old one back to them.

Remember a time when the satellite

or cable companies would send out a technician that same day on a

FREE Service

call because they were afraid they might lose your business?

No longer.

Now if you want somebody to come out to fix your system you have to pay a service fee or pay a monthly fee so you won't have a service fees when they do come out.

Either way they are passing the cost of service calls onto their customers.

The other thing these huge profitable companies like to do is charge a large installation fee when you first get hooked up.

Even though the infrastructure in your house has been there for over 30 years.

Well,

since I don't have internet,

I don't have the

Xbox

working,

which means my grandson didn't want to come over to visit this weekend.

I also have three young adults,

with three computers living with me who aren't too happy either.

To top it off,

I won't be able to write on this blog until probably

Tuesday!

I better get some kind of credit on my bill for all this inconvenience

or that company is going to get a really bad

Yelp

review from me.

How am I writing this post you ask?

That's why I am in a hurry.

I told my neighbor my problem

and said I was going to hack into his

WiFi

for only this morning!

 All he asked was that I don't hack into any of his household computers

or equipment

and that I would tell him after I was done so he could change the password.

 

This is,

My Neighbor Carlos Is Such A Great Guy

And His Checking Account Number Is........

Jim Hauenstein

 

And,

 

“Hacking is a talent. You won't learn it at school. If you were born to become a Hacker, it's your destiny. Otherwise, you'll be Hacked.”

- Amine Essiraj -

 

That is my story and I am sticking to it!

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Be Kind To Everyone.

I'll Be Seeing You On Thursday!

In My Neighborhood

Because of the new curfew restrictions implemented in

California

I have started my daily walks a little later in the morning.

The surprising thing for me is the fact that in my area of town people have become a bit friendlier.

Before the pandemic,

I would walk 5 miles a day,

in & out of different neighborhoods,

on bike paths,

and down by a river bed separating the local golf course from all the housing.

The only people saying hi to me

or waving hello as I walked by were the old folks.

People from another era.

I would often say hi to whom ever I was passing

and most of the time I would get that look,

"Who's this fool."

Seldom did I get a response.

This happened to me no matter what time of day it was.

Lately though,

I have noticed that people from all ages have a friendly greeting for me,

even when I move 10 feet away from them.

Kids who wouldn't have noticed me a year ago say hello.

Neighbors coming out of their houses

or cars wave hello.

Joggers,

bicyclists,

and people walking while talking on their phone will take the time to say hello.

Proving to me that we are a social animal

and that we all need human interaction to stay sane!

 

This is

A California Thing,

I'm From The Midwest Where People Are Friendly

And My Kids Who Live In Other Parts Of The Country Have Noticed How People Are Friendlier Too

Jim Hauenstein,

And,

“Each time a person passes by you and you say 'hello', imagine that person turning into a candle. The more positivity, love and light you reflect, the more light is mirrored your way. Sharing beautiful hellos is the quickest way to earn spiritual brownie points. You should start seeing hellos as small declarations of faith. Every time you say hello to a stranger, your heart acknowledges over and over again that we are all family.”
- Suzy Kassem -

That is my story and I am sticking to it!

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Be Kind To Everyone.

I'll Be Seeing You.

 

Guinea Pig Nightmare

What to write about today?

My attempt at a humorous fictitious story about the moon landing went over like a lead balloon yesterday.

I was hoping for some comments

or people arguing about my thesis because they missed the joke at the end of the story.

What I was really hoping for was readers telling their friends to read

The Moon Landing Is A Hoax! 

because it was funny.

I can dream can't I?

Talking about dreaming.

Yesterday,

I was invited over to my good friend's house to drink some

Cafe de Olla 

and eat some homemade

Tortitas.

Yes,

we were six feet apart from one another.

After awhile we started talking about pets we have owned over the years.

Then,

to tease me about a story I told him a couple of years ago,

he brought up the fact that I let go of the family's pet guinea pig out into the wilderness when my kids were young.

Guinea pigs are not the kind of pets that the humane society

or pet stores want back.

They ask you to put them down,

as they say,

because they do not want to take the time

or spend the money to do so.

Well,

being the considerate father that I am,

with my kids in tow,

I took our guinea pig out to the wilderness

and let him go free.

Telling my kids that now he can be with others of his kind.

Sweet story right?

Do you know the life expectancy of a domesticated rodent is?

Where there are large snakes,

mountain lions,

coyotes,

falcons,

and hawks living in the area?

Hours,

maybe days.

But my kids didn't know that.

So here is my neighbor,

laughing at me as being an animal killer.

I thought nothing of it.

My subconscious certainly did.

Last night I had this dream where a giant guinea pig is chasing me around the the woods!

After all these years,

now I feel guilty?

 

This is,

Stop Saying They Are So Cute

Jim Hauenstein

 

And,

 

“Until one has loved an animal, a part of one's soul remains unawakened.”
- Anatole France -

 

 That is my story and I am sticking to it!

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Be Kind To Everyone.

I'll Be Seeing You.

The Moon Landing Is A Hoax!

I have been following this conspiracy from its beginning and now I have the proof to prove that; The Moon Landing Is A Hoax! Yes me, the believer in the sciences have been secretly trying to expose this gobbledygook NASA has been feeding us since I was a wee little child. I remember being in grade school at Saint Mary's and a nun rolling a black & white TV set into our class that had a pair of rabbit ears antenna for reception. From the Moon to the Earth and we could see it all from a pair of rabbit ears? Come on. So to prove this whole thing was a hoax, I had to pretend to be on the side of science. I have been searching the dark web for some reputable and honest informants who still work for, or used to work for NASA. I found one. His name is Martian Ruse. I asked him about his name and he told me that his parents were big fans of Frank Zappa and that Frank had already named his daughter Moon Unit so they called me Martian Ruse because it was available. Make sense. Well, Martian says he had worked for NASA in the archives department. He was fired when he came across some documents and wanted to show the world that the moon landing never happened. They wouldn't let him so he and the documents went missing. I have found them. After a lengthy negotiations on price, I paid a pittance of $10,000.00 for a document from him that reads; NASA - How To Fake The Moon Landing With Help Of Hollywood! Get this! The document states that Neil Armstrong and Buzz Aldrin were in on it. It says, that both told NASA, "If we are going to fool the American people, we need to do it right. We need to do it on location!"

This is,

Wait, What?

Do It On Location!

"D'oh!"

Jim Hauenstein

 

And,

 

“I believe that this Nation should commit itself to achieving the goal, before this decade is out, of landing a man on the moon and returning him safely to earth.”

- John F. Kennedy -

That is my story and I am sticking to it!

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Be Kind To Everyone.

I'll Be Seeing You.

 

Just One More Time For The Fun Of It

Over the years,

I have told my children that it is a good idea to read about all the different religious

and political groups of the world.
That way you will have a better idea why they think the way they do.

I have read the
Quran,

Mein Kampf,

The Communist Manifesto,
and other political
and religious books to see what stirs the hearts of

Men & Women.

So,

to be fair to our outgoing

President,

I went out

and bought a copy of his book;

The Art of the Deal.

He must have foreseen his future when he wrote it because the book has

  Six Chapter Elevens!
What?????????????

 

Get it?

Because he went

Bankrupt

six times. ;)

"Tonight we honor a self-made millionaire. He started with nothing, worked hard, and made a fortune ... That man is Fred Trump, Donald's dad. That's right, for all his self-starter bullshit, he's basically Jaden Smith with a comb-over."

Seth MacFarlane

"You put up more useless hotels than an autistic kid playing Monopoly."

Lisa Lampanelli

"Donald Trump, without a doubt, you're a New York landmark. Which means it's only a matter of time before you bulldoze yourself to build some gaudy, tacky monstrosity and put your name on it."

Larry King

"And Donald, I’m not even sure if you’re aware of this, but the only difference between you and Michael Douglas from the movie Wall Street is that no one’s going to be sad when you get cancer."

Anthony Jeselnik

"Melania, you look so beautiful tonight. Give her a round of applause. You’ve been such a good sport. So gorgeous. These two are so compatible, because they both yell out Donald’s name when they climax."

Jeff Ross

OK,

one last joke about our worst

President

ever elected.

Asked what his new

Foreign Policy

would have been if he had been re-elected the orange menace said,
"If you mess with the United States, there will be my hell toupee!"

These are not my

Jokes.

They are from

Comedy Central's Roast

of

Donald Trump

in 2011

and the last one is off one of those joke websites.

This is,

Still Believing Life Is All A Good Joke

And If You Treat It That Way,

You Will Never Stop Laughing.

Jim Hauenstein,

And,

“There is nothing in the world so irresistibly contagious as laughter and good humor.”
- Charles Dickens -

That is my story and I am sticking to it!

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Be Kind To Everyone.

I'll Be Seeing You.

 

Before And After

This past summer,

and I cannot remember the exact date for the life of me,

I said I would put up before and after pictures of me when I got a haircut and a shave.

I do not want to be known as a liar so I am going to do that today.

I would like to say first that

COVID-19 Pandemic Lock Down

has not treated me well.

Before this all started I was a lean 225 pounds

and have ballooned to a whopping 265 lbs.

Or for anyone living outside the

United States

I was 102 kilograms

and am now a 120 kg.

This is before;

Enough with the

Santa Claus

reference.

This is after;

 There you have it.

I am aging beautifully.

This is,

Yes Those Are Two Different Doctor Who T-Shirts I Am Wearing

Jim Hauenstein

 

And,

 

“Nothing shouts out “Celebrity!” as loudly as being a biker in desperate need of a shave, a haircut and clean clothes.”
- Foster Kinn -

 

 

That is my story and I am sticking to it!

 

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or leave a Comment

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Thanks for reading

 

Be Kind To Everyone

I'll Be Seeing You

Family First

I know.

You think I haven't written on my

Blog

because I was waiting for the outcome of this past election.

You think I am going to derive pleasure from the victory of

Joe Biden

over

Donald Trump.

Well yes,

I am.

And yes I did.

There is a long way to go from here though.

All the progress we have made as a

Nation

during the last 6 decades were reversed by 4 years of bigotry.

Okay,

I could go on & on about this subject but I want to emphasize that today is,

Family Comes First.

My daughter flew in from

Philadelphia

last week.

My grandson

and my daughter will be staying until this coming

Wednesday.

I just want to ask you to be patient with me until

Thursday.

I doubt I will be able to write again until then.

Maybe you could look at some of my older

Posts

on the

Blog Archive,

buy my e-novel

No Return Address,

read the 4 part series

Gentle Jim And Niagara Falls,

watch my

Music Videos,

Help Me Write The Experiment,

the 46 episodes of

The Man From Mars,

the 8 chapters of

Why Should I Die?,

True Life Stories,

The Hauenstein Philosophy,

Poetry,

or all my original stories on

Short Stories & Flash Fiction.

I hope you keep on reading

and I will see you

Thursday.

 This is,

Telling You To Spend As Much Time As You Can With Your Family

Jim Hauenstein

And,

“There is no such thing as a "broken family." Family is family, and is not determined by marriage certificates, divorce papers, and adoption documents. Families are made in the heart. The only time family becomes null is when those ties in the heart are cut. If you cut those ties, those people are not your family. If you make those ties, those people are your family.”
- C. JoyBell C. -

 

That is my story and I am sticking to it!

 

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or leave a Comment

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I'll answer you in a Post

Thanks for reading

 

Be Kind To Everyone

I'll Be Seeing You

Election Day 2020

 It is a big day in the

United States.

It is

Election Day.

 

In this country,

 if you don't think it is important enough to use your right to vote,

to entice you,

they offer you

Free Donuts

and a sticker that reads

 I Voted

at the polling stations!

I know more people in this country are taking it seriously this time around

and the turnout should be the biggest in recent elections.

My question is,

Who Will You Vote For?

This is,

Predicting That If Pumpkin Face Loses

He Will Press The Button To Launch Nuclear Weapons To End The World

Jim Hauenstein

And,

“When one with honeyed words but evil mind persuades the mob, great woes befall the state.”
- Euripides -

That is my story and I am sticking to it!

 

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Be Kind To Everyone

I'll Be Seeing You

 

10 Proof or 5 Percent ABV

Hey, did you hear that Apple, the computer company, wants to develop their own autonomous cars? They have a huge problem to overcome. They are having trouble loading Windows!

I can't wait to see Saint Peter at the Pearly Gates in Heaven. Once he gives me the gate code, it will be the first time I live in a gated community!

If you have been reading this Blog over the years, you know that I was a musician for many years. And after all these years I still get recognized once in awhile. It is at Family Reunions, but I still get recognized!

The other day, I went to one of those fancy discounted Oriental massage parlors, hoping to get a "Happy Ending." It turned out to be self-serve!

 

When I first met my wife, she used to call me "The Drunken Master" because of all the beer I drank. When I look back now and think about all the money I spent on beer over the years, if I had that money today, think of all the beer I could buy!

  This is,

Hoping You Had A Safe Halloween

Jim Hauenstein,

And,

“Beer is proof that God loves us and wants us to be happy.”

- Benjamin Franklin -

That is my story and I am sticking to it!

 

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Sign up as a Follower

or leave a Comment

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I'll answer you in a Post

Thanks for reading

 

Be Kind To Everyone

I'll Be Seeing You