What Is So Funny About Driving For Lyft?

I have been driving for

Lyft

for almost a year now.

And you would think I would have a few funny stories to tell about my experiences.

There are the usual cases where a first time user will put down the their

Drop Off Address

as their

Pick Up Address,

and vice versa.

I do live close to an

Indian Casino

and I can always tell when someone has

Won

or

Lost.

Like the

Middle Aged Filipina Woman

who asked to be driven home at

7:30

in the morning.

Which was over

30 Miles

away.

She was so happy that she seemed to

Laugh

all the way home.

I was

Laughing Too,

after I dropped her off,

when I saw a

$50

tip to go along with my

$30

fare.

Once,

I picked up this

Elderly Woman

outside the

Casino

and she complained the whole time she was in my car.

It was the middle of the afternoon

and she was

Stoned Drunk.

Slurring her words every time she talked.

The problem she had with me was,

I like to play

Classical Music

while I'm driving.

Even after I turned it off she kept complaining how it sounded like a

Renaissance Fare

inside my car

and how people wanted to

Party.

She said I needed to play

Party Music

if I ever wanted to get a

Tip.

I gave her

One Star!

Another

Woman

that I picked up on a different occasion,

was also really drunk.

When I arrived,

she immediately jumped into the front seat of my car.

Then,

the first thing she says to me is,

"Jim, you will never forget me."

With every syllable she spoke,

she would punch me in the arm.

This went on for about ten minutes,

until I finally dropped her off.

And she is right.

I will never forget the only ride,

that I gave,

where someone keeps punching me!

My favorite was a

Guy

in his early twenties,

who set up a ride through

Lyft

for me to pick him up.

The problem was,

he was on the

Indian Reservation

and

Lyft

doesn't supply last names on the

App

of the people I am picking up.

When I arrived at the

Guard Shack

and I didn't have the person's last name,

I couldn't get on the

Reservation.

So I called the person I am supposed to pick up on the phone

and tell him my problem.

He says,

"No problem. I'll be right there. I'm the guy in the Tuxedo with no shoes on!"

He went to a

Wedding

on

Saturday,

and it was now

Wednesday Morning!

He kept apologizing to me for not having his shoes,

and he told me,

he didn't know what had happened to them!

I told him not to worry.

I bet,

at this very moment,

there is a homeless man out there,

wearing the best

Patent Leather Shoes

he ever owned.

This is,

I Never Gave A Ride To The Tuxedo Guy Again,

But I Will Never Forget Him,

Jim Hauenstein,

And,

“Women need food, water, and compliments. And an occasional pair of shoes.”
- Chris Rock -

That is my story and I am sticking to it!

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