Now Boys & Girls, Today's Word Is Phallus

Do you know what is really embarrassing?

When a child walks into a room

and sees his

Parents

watching

Pornography.

This happened to me the other day.

The thing is with my

Parents,

I didn't know they knew how to hack my webcam at my home,

so they could watch me!

“Poor Old fool,”

thought the well-dressed gentleman,

 as he watched an old man fish in a puddle outside a pub.

So he invited the old man inside for a drink.

As they sipped their whiskeys,

the gentleman thought he’d humor the old man

and asked,

“So how many have you caught today?”

The old man replied,

“You’re the eighth.”

"So there was this dyslexic guy who walked into a bra."

I bought one of those tapes to teach you Spanish in your sleep.

During the night,

the tape skipped.

So now I can only stutter in Spanish.

I was in small-claims court when I listened in on the case of a woman who held a good job but still had trouble paying her bills on time.

“Can’t you live within your income?”

asked the judge.

“No, Your Honor,”

she said.

“It’s all I can do to live within my credit.”

I woke up frighten out of my wits this morning.

So I went directly to the

Emergency Room.

When the doctor came in to see me,

I excitedly asked,

"Look at my phallus Doc. Why is it the color orange?"

He looked at me thoughtfully

and asked,

"Now that you are retired, what do you do all day?"

I thought about it

and said,

"I watch pornography and eat Cheetos."

This is,

Now Boys & Girls,

Today's Word Is Phallus,

[fal-uh s],

In Anatomy It Means,

On The Male - ?#n!$,

On The Female - <(!tor^$,

Jim Hauenstein,

And,

“Electricity is actually made up of extremely tiny particles called electrons, that you cannot see with the naked eye unless you have been drinking.”
- Dave Barry -

That is my story and I am sticking to it!

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The San Diego Doctor Who Con Is Happening Right Now As I Speak!

Barron Von Avocado

There once was a curious fellow,

Who couldn't leave them alone.

His brain turned a dark kind of yellow,

Because he wouldn't leave them alone.

The Law said, Young man, you need to be mellow,

But the Buyers promise him a big fat loan.

The Judge said, "Go directly to jail young fellow!

Stolen Avocados, are not yours to own!"

 
This
Poem
is about an actually person named
Barron.
I read his story in the
North County Times Newspaper.
For years he would go around,
late at night,
and steal
Avocados
from the local
Orchards
to sell them to 
Restaurants
in the area.
Which is illegal by both parties.
He needed the money for a drug habit.
The reason why he was in the
Local Newspaper
is because they put out an inquiry to anyone who knew about the growing epidemic of
Avocado Theft In San Diego County.
He not only got his picture in the
Newspaper,
but he admitted to stealing the equivalent of about
$50.00 Per Day Of Avocados.
(Avocados have a growing, then ripening season, just like grapes.)
He was selling them at
25 Cents Each!
Two days later,
after the story broke,
a follow up story told how the
Police
had arrested him after seeing the article
and were trying to charge him for a
“Third Strike Grand Larceny."

This is,
Wondering How Some People Think,
Jim Hauenstein,

And,

“The law, as manipulated by clever and highly respected rascals, still remains the best avenue for a career of honorable and leisurely plunder.”
- Gabriel Chevallier -

That is my poem and I am sticking to it!

Some of might have seen a version of this poem from January 24th, 2013.

It is a short poem but it is a true story.

I personally new Barron,

and I am better off from him never being around again.

You can't trust people who steal items,

no matter how convincing they are,

telling you,

they are your friend.

Like what you are reading,

or do not like what you see.

Set up my Blog as your Homepage,

or sign up as a Follower,

or leave a Comment,

and I will answer you in a Post.

Thanks for reading.

I didn't have time today to write something new because I am painting the kitchen.

I Can't Actually See You

I wanted to start making every

Wednesday 

my day to

Rant & Rave.

But after watching

The Presidential Debates,

I couldn't help myself from exploding yesterday.

I had to write on my

Blog,

on how deplorable

Donald Trump

was during the televised telecast.

I know,

go ahead

and say it.

I am a

Liberal

who has the sole responsibility of why this

Country

is going down the tubes!

Well,

I don't think it is,

no matter what the

Republicans & Donald Trump

will have you believe.

I know this

Country

has its

Ups & Downs,

like all

Great Nations

 do.

But what makes a

Nation Great

is,

learning from its mistakes

and improving on them for the good of all.

This

Country

is a

Better America,

than it was even

100 Years Ago!

Yesterday,

I called

Donald Trump A Child.

I guess I wasn't the only one.

Michelle Obama says America "Needs an Adult" in White House
by Kristen De Groot for the Associated Press on MSN News.com

Enough

Ranting & Raving for today.

I know,

sometimes it is really hard for some people to come back,

everyday,

to see what I have 

written,

here on my

Blog.

And it has left a hole in your heart,

as if you are missing something very important part of your life.

I also know that some days,

what I write about,

it is not your cup of tea.

So I am setting up a schedule.

Nothing written in stone mind you,

but I will try to follow it.

Sundays; Will be the day I give my rebuttals to any Comments left on a Post. Plus it will be the day to tie up any loose ends, as I like to call it, when I need to clarify something I might have said earlier.

Mondays; Will be the day I "Answer those Questions You didn't know you were asking."

Tuesdays; Is a free day where I can write on anything I feel like.

Wednesdays; Will become my Rant & Raving day. Probably about Politics. We'll see.

Thursdays; Is the day I will release any new Short Stories, Flash Fiction, or Poetry I have written of late.

Fridays; I am going to try my hardest to make you laugh. It will be Comedy day.

Saturdays; Will be Science day. And I mean that in the broadest sense of the word.

I hope you come and visit my

Blog

everyday,

but if you can't,

find the days which will have the subjects you are interested in,

and I'll see you then.

This is,

I Can't Actually See You,

But You Know What I Mean,

Jim Hauenstein,

And,

“Careers, like rockets, don’t always take off on schedule. The key is to keep working the engines.”
- Gary Sinise -

That is my story and I am sticking to it!

Like what you are reading?

Sign up as a Follower,

or Set up my Blog

as your Homepage

on your Web-browser,

or Leave a Comment,

or a Suggestion,

and I will answer you in a Post.

Thanks for reading.

If you are reading this on a

Cell-Phone,

you will see a

Link

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where it says;
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Click on that Link to truly get the full benefit of my

Blog.

You will just have to expand the page to be able to read it on a cellphone.

Thanks again.

As A Spoiled Inconsiderate Child.

O.M.G!

Or,

$u.

People are actually going to vote for that lying

Son-Of-A-Bistro?

I actually can't believe what I see on the internet.

Thank

God

the

Polls

that I have looked at today see

Hillary Clinton Winning

the

Debate.

Why do I think

Donald Trump

is a scum-bag?

Let us look at a few things I saw right away coming out of

Donald's Mouth

which makes him that scum-bag,

besides being an

Interrupting Pompous Narcissistic.

First; The mention of why Donald won't release his Tax Returns to the public. Mrs. Clinton was telling the audience that the only time Donald Trump ever released his Tax Returns to the Government was when he was trying to open up a Casino. The returns show he doesn't pay any Taxes. Hillary was explaining this when Donald interrupted and said; "That makes me smart."

It also tells me that a

Billionaire,

who doesn't pay any

Taxes,

doesn't mind that the

Tax Burden

falls onto the shoulders of the

Middle & Lower Classes.

Second; Goes right along with the first statement. Mr. Trump says he will lower Taxes to Large & Small Businesses alike. Effectively, giving himself and his friends Tax Breaks.

Nothing about a

Tax Break

for the average

Joe & Josephine

who works everyday to support their families.

Third; Another two Donald Trump-isms. As Hillary Clinton continues her answer to the debate questions, Donald interrupts and states that it is the fault of Hillary's that ISIS exists. Adding that Hillary has been fighting ISIS her whole adult life! Since ISIS started in 2004, that would make Hillary 24 years old! Mrs. Clinton stated, after being interrupted for the umpteenth time, "You think I should be blamed for everything that happened." Again Donald interrupts and says, "Why not?"

In my opinion,

Donald

is acting like he has always acted.

As A Spoiled Inconsiderate Child.

We don't need to see a

Doctor's Report

to find out if

Mr. Trump

is healthy enough to serve as

President,

we need a

Psychologists Report

to see if he is

Sane

enough to serve as

President!

This is,

I Know.

I Went Against One Of My Own Rules When I Called Mr. Trump A Derogatory Terms Like,

Son-Of-A-Bistro,

A Scum-Bag,

And An

Interrupting Pompous Narcissistic.

But I Was Right About The Spoiled Inconsiderate Child Part.

Jim Hauenstein,

The Rule.

("If you like to leave a Comment on one of my Posts, such as; I Am Not A Mad Scientist - I Am Just Mad. Name calling is not a form of debating. It is an derogatory opinion. And like Ass-Holes, everyone has one.")

And,

“Two things are infinite: the universe and human stupidity; and I'm not sure about the universe.”
- Albert Einstein -

That is my story and I am sticking to it!

Like what you are reading?

Sign up as a Follower,

or Set up my Blog

as your Homepage

on your Web-browser,

or Leave a Comment,

or a Suggestion,

and I will answer you in a Post.

Thanks for reading.

If you are reading this on a

Cell-Phone,

you will see a

Link

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Blog.

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Thanks again.

What Is The Question Again?

Did you ever dream of becoming a

Comic Book Superhero?

Flying around in skin tight

Men's

or

Women's Leotards?

Bringing the 

Bad Guys

in,

to receive their

Punishment

under the

Law?

All it takes is to become

Prime Minister of Canada,

and you too could be on the cover of your very own

Comic Book!

Justin Trudeau Is on the Cover of a Marvel Comic Book. He Is Now a King Among Memes.
By KAREN WORKMAN for The New York Times.com
"The latest Justin Trudeau moment delighting people around the world is not even one he is responsible for: Mr. Trudeau, the Canadian prime minister, is on the cover of a Marvel comic book. Is he also in a boxing ring? Check. Does his tank top feature a maple leaf? Yes. Are there any illustrations of him shirtless? No. The artist scrapped the original drafts after concerns that Mr. Trudeau’s bare chest might be too risqué. The comic also lacks any depictions of Mr. Trudeau balancing babies on his hands, a real-life super power (O.K., that’s a stretch) that he has deployed on the campaign trail."

Can

You

imagine a

World

where the

Superheros

are

Politicians?!?!!

Every day you dust

and dust,

keeping the house clean as it can be.

But there it is.

A beam of Sunshine coming through your curtains,

showing all the dust you have just stirred up,

flying about the air in your living room.

When you started dusting this morning,

did you remember to put on your

Military Grade Gas Mask?

Household dust is laced with toxic chemicals, study finds

By Mary Brophy Marcus for CBS News.com

"Household dust does more than collect in corners and on bookshelves full of novels you haven’t gotten around to reading. A new study shows it can expose people to a wide range of potentially toxic chemicals. In what the authors are calling the first study of its kind – a meta-analysis of more than two dozen previous studies on chemicals in dust – they report that 90 percent of dust samples taken from houses in 14 states contain harmful chemicals, including one that’s known to cause cancer. The chemicals studied come from all sorts of common consumer goods, including furniture, personal hygiene products, flooring, baby products, cleaning supplies, fast food and food packaging. Ami Zota said the chemicals are released into the air and then seep into dust that settles on furniture and floors. People can inhale or ingest small particles of dust or even absorb them through the skin." 

Now that sounds scary.

Just remember what

President Ronald Reagan

said about

Cancer Causing Chemicals

and you will be reassured that you have nothing to

Fear

about those pesky little

Dust Bombs.

"There are no bad chemicals, there is just bad amounts."

This is,

Believe It Or Not,

I Would Take Ronald Reagan Over Donald Trump Any Day Of The Week,

Jim Hauenstein,

And,

“Just think how happy you'd be if you lost everything you have right now & then got it back.”
- Ronald Reagan -

That is my story and I am sticking to it!

Like what you are reading?

Sign up as a Follower,

or Set up my Blog

as your Homepage

on your Web-browser,

or Leave a Comment,

or a Suggestion,

and I will answer you in a Post.

Thanks for reading.

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Cell-Phone,

you will see a

Link

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Blog.

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Thanks again.

The Movie 10 Cloverfield Lane Is A Documentary

I have had a couple of people

Commenting

this past week,

on two of my

Posts.

On

Time To Rock The Vote 

the imitable,

irascible,

bristly

Anonymous

had a

Comment;

Anonymous September 17, 2016 at 6:48 AM

"You were under the impression
That when you were walking forward
You'd end up further onward
But things ain't quite that simple."

He used

The Who 

song

"I've had enough,"

to say that my positive attitude about how things have slowly changed for the better over the course of our long

History

as a

Nation,

is misled.

So I humorously did a rebuttal on my Post;

I Am Not A Mad Scientist - I Am Just Mad.

Where I try to figure out who is behind the mask called

Anonymous.

 Even though I have given my good friend the nickname;

"The Jeff,"

I want to make it perfectly clear that he is my friend.

We just like to use banter as our way of keeping in touch. 

To throw me off the track on figuring out who

Anonymous

is,

"The Jeff"

used a different

Who

song.

Gettin' In Tune,

to

Comment

on that

Post.

Jeff Povlich September 19, 2016 at 4:29 PM

"I can't pretend there's any meaning here or in the things I'm saying."

If later on,

I find out that

"The Jeff"

knows who the real

Anonymous

is,

and he is protecting his identity by trying to throw me off the track,

I will have to take drastic measures by taking him off my

Christmas Card List!

The one thing I disagree with

"The Jeff"

is the

Comment

he left on my side note about

Colin Kaepernick.

I just hope he took it as humor,

and not me angrily calling him a derogatory term,

when I said;

"If you like to leave a Comment on one of my Posts, such as;

I Am Not A Mad Scientist - I Am Just Mad 

Name calling is not a form of debating.

It is an derogatory opinion.

And like Ass-Holes,

everyone has one."

I haven't heard from

"The Jeff"

since,

so I hope I haven't hurt his feelings.

It took years of therapy for him to get out of the

Fall-Out-Boy Shelter

he built in his backyard.

He is another one who believes

The End Is Near!

This is,

Jeff Believes The Movie 10 Cloverfield Lane Is A Documentary,

Jim Hauenstein,

And,

“They say the captain goes down with the ship, so when the world ends, will God go down with it?”
- Fall Out Boy -

That is my story and I am sticking to it!

Like what you are reading?

Sign up as a Follower,

or Set up my Blog

as your Homepage

on your Web-browser,

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or a Suggestion,

and I will answer you in a Post.

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Link

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Blog.

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Believing In Educating Oneself

I was thinking of making my

Posts

on

Saturday

all about

Science & Technology.

Or anything related to those subjects.

I have saved up some interesting stories,

that I have read over,

which I have been considering writing about.

But after counting how many I have saved,

I think for starters,

I'll give you the

Headlines & Links,

so you can choose which ones interest you.

In no particular order:

"Alien Megastructure" Star Mystery Deepens After Fresh Kepler Data Confirms Erratic Dimming By Avaneesh Pandey for International Business Times.com
"The case of Tabby’s star keeps getting curiouser and curiouser. The star — formally known by its somewhat clunky name KIC 8462852 — has been a source of endless intrigue for astronomers since September, when its bizarre behavior triggered speculations over the existence of an alien civilization around it."

"Quadrooter" Bug Puts Android Devices At Risk

By Stephanie Mlot for PC Mag.com

"Android owners, beware: Security flaws found in Qualcomm processors serving Google's mobile operating system could put your devices at risk." 

Report: Security breach at Oracle’s Micros unit could affect consumers

By Troy Wolverton for SiliconBeat.com

"Oracle’s computer servers have reportedly been hacked, you and I might suffer some of the consequences." 

Neighboring star Proxima Centauri has Earth-sized planet

By Jonathan Amos for BBC News.com

"The nearest habitable world beyond our Solar System might be right on our doorstep - astronomically speaking." 

This Weird Galaxy Is Actually 99.99 Percent Dark Matter

By Hanneke Weitering for Space.com on MSN.com

"Astronomers have discovered a galaxy as big as the Milky Way that consists almost entirely of dark matter, a mysterious and invisible substance that scientists have been trying to figure out for decades. Only one-hundredth of one percent of the galaxy is ordinary, visible matter like stars and planets. The other 99.99 percent of the stuff in this galaxy can't be seen." 

Apple boosts iPhone security after powerful spyware targets an activist

By Associated Press on Los Angeles Times.com

"A botched attempt to break into an activist's iPhone using hitherto unknown espionage software has triggered a global upgrade of Apple's mobile operating system, researchers said Thursday."

New fossil autopsy believes "Lucy" fell from tree

on USA Today.com

"Scientists say that damage to the 3.2-million-year-old partial skeleton dubbed Lucy suggests that this ancient hominid plummeted to her death from high in a tree."

FBI Director Says You Should Cover Your Webcam With Tape
By Matt Novak for GIZMODO.com
"Do you cover your webcam with tape or a sticker? Mark Zuckerberg does. It’s used to guard against hackers who might want to peek at your or your environment through your devices. And now the FBI Director has come out defending his own use of tape on his devices."

"Walk on Mars" with Moonwalker Buzz Aldrin at Limited Engagement "Destination Mars" Holographic Exhibit at KSC Visitor Complex
By Ken Kremer for Universe Today.com 
"KENNEDY SPACE CENTER VISITOR COMPLEX, FL- Think a Holodeck adventure on Star Trek guided by real life Apollo 11 moonwalker Buzz Aldrin and you’ll get a really good idea of what’s in store for you as you explore the surface of Mars like never before in the immersive new ‘Destination Mars’ interactive holographic exhibit opening to the public today, Monday, Sept.19, at the Kennedy Space Center visitor complex in Florida."

Tesla: Autopilot improvements coming
By Peter Valdes-Dapena for CNN Money.com 
"Tesla will roll out "major improvements" to its so-called Autopilot software with new versions of the software that will soon be downloaded to owners' Model S and Model X electric vehicles, CEO Elon Musk said Wednesday on Twitter."

 I think I will stop at

10 Links

today.

I only have

13 More Stories

about

Science & Technology

that I have been reading,

but I don't want to overwhelm you on our first day.

This is,

Believing In Educating Oneself,

Jim Hauenstein,

And,

“I have never let my schooling interfere with my education.”
- Mark Twain -

That is my story and I am sticking to it!

Like what you are reading?

Sign up as a Follower,

or Set up my Blog

as your Homepage

on your Web-browser,

or Leave a Comment,

or a Suggestion,

and I will answer you in a Post.

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Link

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Thanks again

Two Of These Stories Are True - Can You Tell Which Ones?

My grandson asked me the other day;

"Grandpa, why do you always tell me no? You say no, I can’t have any candy. You say no, I can’t have any soda. You say no, I can’t have a dog. Grandpa, I am going to run away."

So I said,

"Yes, go ahead. I’ll see you later then."

Tell me this.

How do they know all penguins are monogamous?

You know,

mate for life?

If they all look alike,

how do we know they are not cheating on one another?

 

I went to see my doctor this week.

She looked me in the eyes

and asked me,

"Jim, are you on drugs? Your eyes are so red."

I said,

"No Doc, my allergies are acting up."

"I never tested you for allergies Jim?"

Says my Doctor.

"What are you allergic to?"

So I told her,

"Pot."

She then asks me,

"What are you taking for your allergies?"

I said,

"Mozzarella sticks!"

I went to the grocery store yesterday

and before I got in,

this guy holding a signup sheet outside asks,

"Sir, would you like to volunteer to help clean up trash from our beaches this coming weekend?"

I tell him,

"I already volunteer every Saturday and Sunday to help keep our beautiful state clean."

Not knowing there was this other guy behind me who works with me on the weekend speaks up

and says.

"Yes, he does. He also wears an orange vest and picks up trash along the Highway with the rest of us weekend convicts."

My best friend,

from years gone by,

named Scott,

had the same hairline problem as I do.

OK,

we didn’t have hair on the top of our heads.

One day we were sitting at the bar a little too long

and I got all emotional.

I lean over to him,

pulling him close to hug him,

I tell him loudly,

“I love you man.”

Then the top of our heads came together

and from the other side of the bar this lady says,

“Look at those two. They’re making an Ass out of themselves!”

This is,

Saying God Made A Lot Of Beautiful Heads In This World.

The Ones He Didn't Like,

He Covered Up!

Jim Hauenstein,

And,

“I love people who make me laugh. I honestly think it's the thing I like most, to laugh. It cures a multitude of ills. It's probably the most important thing in a person.”
- Audrey Hepburn -

That is my story and I am sticking to it!

Like what you are reading?

Sign up as a Follower,

or Set up my Blog

as your Homepage

on your Web-browser,

or Leave a Comment,

or a Suggestion,

and I will answer you in a Post.

Thanks for reading.

If you are reading this on a

Cell-Phone,

you will see a

Link

on the bottom of the page,
where it says;
View Web Version.
Click on that Link to truly get the full benefit of my

Blog.

You will just have to expand the page to be able to read it on a cellphone.

Thanks again.