Some Institutions Will Let You Write Things Down On Paper With A Crayon

   I went to see my Doctor today, and she said, "If you don't want to lose your job, lose your family, and start living a normal life, quite with the Frigga-trisk-aide-kaphobia!"

   Stunned, I said, "Doc! You don't have to be vulgar about it."

   You see, she is originally from the Philippines so sometimes, her pronunciation of certain medical terminology is elongated. 
   "Jim. Why did you come in here to see me today?" She asked with a lot of frustration in her voice.

   "Well Doc. It only happened to me once this year."

   I was trying to act cool about it. Like, what happened to me was normal.

   "Back in May, I was drying off from my morning shower, when I heard on the radio the most frightening four words I have ever heard."

   Interrupting, she says, "I really think you need to see a Psychologist."

   My eyes widened. I was stunned. "No, Doc please." I started pleading.
   With as much earnest appeal as I could muster, I told her, "I trust you Doc. Just hear me out, please?"

   She pauses for a moment, looks me squarely in the eyes and asks,

"Are you paid up with all of your medical bills I've sent you?"

   I replied, "Of course I am Doc."

   I lied. 
   "OK Jim. You can go right ahead then."

   So I tell her in detail how I ran screaming from my house that day in May butt naked. Running past a group of children waiting for a school bus. Luckily for the children, unluckily for me, a motorcycle cop was driving by at that very moment. Without going into too much detail, after a night in jail, I woke up normal. I was released on a bond and told to appear in court on such and such day! "I postponed it until next year." I tell her. "What is wrong with me Doc?"

   With all the fake sympathy she could muster up, my Doc tells me, "You have a form of Trisk-aide-kaphobia!"

   Not looking very intelligent at that moment I asked, "What?"

   "You have Para-skevide-katria-phobia!" She says. Hoping I understand her now. 

   Unintelligently, I repeat, "What?" 

   "You are afraid of FRIDAY THE THIRTEENTH!" She yells in my face.

   "That's it?" I ask. "I can beat that little phobia."

   With a little smirk on her face, my Doctor tells me, "Jim. Because you postponed your court date, it is now on January 13th, 2017? That is on a Friday!"

   With that, I run out of her office, screaming all the way down the street, ripping all my clothes off as I go. I am sure that the last thing I hear, before leaving her office was, "Call 911. There is a nut running around outside with no clothes on!"

This is,

  A Institution Is Letting Me Write Things Down On Paper With A Crayon

 Jim Hauenstein

And,

“If a black cat crosses your path, it signifies that the animal is going somewhere.” 

- Groucho Marx -

That is my story and I am sticking to it!

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P.S. The four most frightening words I ever heard in my life are; "It's Friday the Thirteenth." 

 

Be kind to everyone

 

I'll be seeing you