Teenage Life

After watching a college basketball game,

I started thinking about my youth.

My junior year of high school to be exact.

Where the living was simple,

if you can get by the teenage angst everyone goes through.

I had my moments,

but every kid goes through it,

because it's a right of passage you have to take.

Here is my depiction of life as a junior in high school back in

South Milwaukee, Wisconsin.

Long hair,

muddy boots.

Tied dyed shirt,

getting dirty looks.

No job,

but still in school.

No car,

walking is cool.

Use the fingers,

free cigarettes.

Five finger discount,

You can't have any regrets.

Please sir,

buy me some beer.

No Officer,

I'm not lingering here.

Raid gardens at night,

when I'm really hungry.

After toking a pipe,

  I have no money.

Teenage living,

in hell or high water.

Ring the bell,

"Hi, I'm here for your daughter."

This is,

See,

Life Is Always As Fun

Or As Difficult

As You Like To Make It.

Jim Hauenstein,

“Being classy is my teenage rebellion.”
- Rebecca McKinsey - 

 

That is my story and I am sticking to it!

 

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Remodeling My Life To The Way I Like It

I Have Finished My Remodeling!

Yippee!

Let me rephrase that.

I am almost finished.

Well,

maybe not almost.

Let's just say,

I have finished the project I set out to do but that has led me to the realization that other parts of the house needs revitalization too!

So I'm taking comfort in the teachings of Lao Tzu.

He tells us that,

"The journey of remodeling a home begins with that first step!"

or something like that I think.

So if the average person takes 7,500 steps a day,

that's a lot of remodeling I can get done.

But will I ever be done?

On the brighter side the value of my house just went up.

I hope.

Since I've finished my project I can go back to what I like to do everyday.

Walk a couple miles in the morning,

eat,

read a little,

eat,

blog,

eat,

play games on my phone,

eat,

watch some TV,

eat,

take a nap,

eat,

and I do this all before 5pm.

 

This is,

Living My Best

And Healthiest Life

Jim Hauenstein

 

And,

 

"Well, I like to eat, sleep, drink, and be in love."
- Langston Hughes -

 

 

That is my story and I am sticking to it!

 

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Dad Jokes Never Grow Old For Me

 

  I have a large family.

Seven kids

  fourteen grand-kids,

and two great grandchildren.

You have to have humor in your

and their lives to keep everyone happy.

Especially on those cold rainy

or snowy days when everyone is inside the house getting on each others nerves.

Oh,

by the way,

we have had almost all of those stick figure animals as pets over the years,

except for the pig

and the dog.

Yes,

we had a chicken as a pet.

Back to my point,

Humor.

I have prided myself over the years as the

"Corny Joke King."

So you are in for a wonderful treat this evening.

This first one I texted to my fourth oldest daughter.

How do you tell if a Vampire is sick?
He is always coffin.

Here are three I recently heard

and really like;

How do Mountains hear?

They use Mountaineers.

What does a fish say when he hits a wall?

Dam.

Where does a pretzel go on vacation?

Pretzelvania.

I won't subject you to much more of this.

It is

Tuesday

and I am sure you are looking for ways to finish off your week on the right foot.

Unless you are left footed.

What do you call the opposite of a hot pepper?

A little chili.

Music Notes were all fighting along the staff lines. Two Half-notes threw punches at a Whole-note, but missed. One of them quickly says, "Hey Doe, Ray and Me don't want any treble!

What do you call a singing laptop?

A Dell. (Get it? Adele!)

Oh,

come on?

Laugh already.

This is,

Have You Ever Heard The Group Cellophane?

They Mostly Wrap!

Jim Hauenstein,

And,

“Outside of a dog, a book is man's best friend. Inside of a dog, it's too dark to read.”
- Groucho Marx, -

That is my story and I am sticking to it!

 

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Remodeling

Hi everyone.

Have you ever tried to do some remodeling inside a home?

If you are like me,

first you watch instruction videos on

YouTube,

then you watch the help videos offered by the hardware store you bought your hardware from,

and finally you read the instructions thoroughly.

My project was supposed to take an hour & a half to complete from start to finish.

I started on

Wednesday

and it is

Friday

and I am still not finished!

I'm taking time out to post something today

and release all my frustration!

Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!

Okay,

that feels better.

What all those videos

and instructions forget to mention is the fact that they are doing the work in ideal conditions.

Where nothing can go wrong,

nothing needs to be replaced,

and if it does,

you already have the right tool for the job.

Oh,

and don't forget you will need to paint the walls once you see all the dirt

and grim on them before you put in your new hardware.

$#!T

Well,

new toilets won't bolt down themselves you know.

*****

American Football Playoffs

start this weekend

and I don't really have a favorite team to win it all.

GO PACKERS!

 

This is,

I'm Going To Finish By Tomorrow

I Hope

Jim Hauenstein

And,

“The secret to getting ahead is getting started.”
- Mark Twain -

 

That is my story and I am sticking to it!

 

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Why?

Ask yourself.

What am I missing from my TV screen that will change the world?

Nothing!

Yet, a Japanese scientist has come of with a brand new feature you will all be licking your chops for!

A Lickable TV screen!

Now all those cooking shows you watch will be more meaningful.

TOKYO, Dec 23 (Reuters) - A Japanese professor has developed a prototype lickable TV screen that can imitate food flavours, another step towards creating a multi-sensory viewing experience. The device, called Taste the TV (TTTV), uses a carousel of 10 flavour canisters that spray in combination to create the taste of a particular food. The flavour sample then rolls on hygienic film over a flat TV screen for the viewer to try. In the COVID-19 era, this kind of technology can enhance the way people connect and interact with the outside world, said Meiji University professor Homei Miyashita. "The goal is to make it possible for people to have the experience of something like eating at a restaurant on the other side of the world, even while staying at home," he said. By Rikako Murayama and Rocky Swift

Wait a minute?

If everyone in my house is licking the TV,

will I get there colds, flue, or COVID viruses?

If I wipe the screen with Clorox if the person before has licked it,

will I be poisoned?

 My question is,

what will the Porn Industry do with this feature?

 

This is,

I've Heard About Smell-O-Vision

And AromaRama

 Which Failed Miserably

But Tasting Your TV Screen?

Jim Hauenstein

And,

“Television is the soma of Aldous Huxley's Brave New World.”
- Robert MacNeil -

 

That is my story and I am sticking to it!

 

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I Believe My Scientific Methods And Explanations Are Sound

If you are a

Religious Person,

you certainly do not believe

or agree with

Darwinism.

Right now,

I am having a real hard time believing in it myself,

when I am told that this is my long lost relative.

I did know people who had acne this bad in

High School

and others who had a

Big Mouth,

but nobody was that

Green

with envy.

Bag-like sea creature was humans' oldest known ancestor.

"A tiny sea creature identified from fossils found in China may be the earliest known step on an evolutionary path that eventually led to the emergence of humans." From Saint John's College, University of Cambridge

Let's take a look at why the

Researchers

say this

Microscopic-Sea-Bag-Creature

is our long lost

Ancestor.

"Named Saccorhytus, after the sack-like features created by its elliptical body and large mouth, the species is new to science and was identified from micro-fossils found in China. It is thought to be the most primitive example of a so-called deuterostome -- a broad biological category that encompasses a number of sub-groups, including the vertebrates."

Do you see our first clue?

Deuterostome.

Which is;

A mouth that develops separately from the blastopore.

Yes,

blastopore is associated with the digestive track.

So,

since it has a mouth

and food doesn't get blasted straight threw the microbe,

it resembles us?

"Modern humans are, however, unlikely to perceive much by way of a family resemblance. Saccorhytus was about a millimeter in size, and probably lived between grains of sand on the seabed. Its features were spectacularly preserved in the fossil record -- and intriguingly, the researchers were unable to find any evidence that the animal had an anus."

That explanation won't do.

Without an ass,

how can humanity become

Asinine?

"Most other early deuterostome groups are from about 510 to 520 million years ago, when they had already begun to diversify into not just the vertebrates, but the sea squirts, echinoderms (animals such as starfish and sea urchins) and hemichordates (a group including things like acorn worms). This level of diversity has made it extremely difficult to work out what an earlier, common ancestor might have looked like."

Now I had enough already.

Sea Squirts

and I are related?

"Sea squirts have a tunic, or test, which attaches to a substrate."

What?

If I had to wear a

Tunic

all day I would be

Testy

too!

And just because I am over

Sixty-Years-Old

and hold my

Mother's

hand,

does not mean I have been

Substrate

or

Subdued.

I just feel secure when I do it.

"Sea squirts have two siphons - an inhalant siphon, which they use to pull water into their body, and an exhalant siphon, which they use to expel water and wastes. When disturbed, a sea squirt may eject water from its siphon, which is how this creature got its name. If you remove a sea squirt from the water, you may get a wet surprise!"

By Jennifer Kennedy Marine Life Expert for about education.com

 

I guess that does sound like relatives of mine.

But only on my

Wife's

side of the family.

They are always

Squirting

and

Blastoporing

all over the house when they come to visit.

 And then I have to clean it up!

This is,

I Am No Biologist,

But I Believe My Scientific Methods,

And Explanations Are Sound.

Jim Hauenstein,

And,

“These mysteries about how we evolved should not distract us from the indisputable fact that we did evolve.”
- Jerry A. Coyne -

 

That is my story and I am sticking to it!

 

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Unconsciousness

"Hello? Is anyone there?"
"I don't understand where I am?"
"Everything around me is complete darkness."
"Except."
"Except for this egg shape bubble of white light which surrounds me."
"I can't see any beams of light from above, illuminating this area and I don't see anyway for the light to be coming upwards from the floor either."
"But, when I move, the surrounding light moves with me."
"Hello? Can anyone hear me?"

Frustration hits me and I scream, "Is this some kind of joke?"
"Is someone playing a joke on me?"
"Am I in a huge warehouse? Or maybe in a large aircraft hanger?"

Nothing. Not a sound. Maybe if I keep talking.

 "When I walk, in any one direction, I never seem to reach a wall. I never reach the end. The floor seems like cement, when I walk on it, but I cannot touch it directly through the bubble. It doesn't feel cold like cement can get at night. When I try hitting it with my knuckles, my fingers don't hurt. Why? What is this place?"

"I have had enough! I am going to sit right here until whomever is playing this joke on me is bored and turns on the lights and shows me who they are!"

Well, shouting doesn't seem to make a difference. I would like to know who is doing this to me. I wish I had a watch with me. I cannot, for the life of me, tell if I have been sitting here for five minutes, or five hours. I am neither thirsty, nor hungry. I am neither tired, nor energetic. I am, I am just, just here.

"This has gone on long enough!" I demand. "Can anyone hear me."
"Please. I'm scared. If I'm sleeping, I want to wake up.....

"You want to wake up you say?" interrupts a familiar sounding voice. "Are you sure?"

It's my voice. Somebody is copying my voice to a T. "Who are you? What do you want?"

The voice says, "I am happiness. I am anger. I am emotional. I am rational. I am your memories, your hopes, your dreams. I am you."

"What the hell are you talking about?" I ask.

It's as if the impersonator doesn't want to hear my last question and it answers my second query of, "What do you want?"

"I want what you want. I want what we both want."

"And what is that?" I ask.

"I want the passion back, that I felt for my wife, when I first met her. I want her to come back to life. I want to be a better husband, a better father. I want my children to grow up happy. I want to stop worrying about the future. I want to be contended with where I am in my life right now."

"So you think I am unhappy?" I ask the voice. 

There was a long moment of silence. 

So I ask the voice, "Is my family OK? Are they alright?'

"Not if you stay here. Not if you don't want to wake up."

"What are you talking about?"

"Listen," it says. "Listen closely." 

At first nothing. And then. 

"Those are my children voices. They are crying. They keep calling my name, asking me to wake up. Wake up from what?" I ask.

"Now it's your choice." says the voice. "You can either sleep now, restfully. Be contented with the life you had, and travel on to your next journey in blissful peace, or."

The voice pauses, giving me time to think about what it has just said.

Then, "Or, you can wake up and go back to the world you once knew. To your  children, watching them grow older, while you get older still." 

I knew the voice would pause at this point so I could give him my answer. 

"I want to go home, to my family. They need me and I need them."

"Okay then," says a more jovial voice. "Just listen to your children's voices and follow them."

I get up and start walking towards the familiar voices, and as I do, the egg shape bubble of white light grows bigger and bigger. Until it, pops!

This is,

Last Night's Dream,

As If I Was In A Coma.

Thank God It Wasn't True.

Or Was It?

Jim Hauenstein,

And,

“I will not let anyone walk through my mind with their dirty feet.”

- Mahatma Gandhi -

 

That is my story and I am sticking to it!

 

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Warning; Severe Weather Coming To Virginia

While I was traveling across America for two months I had perfect weather along the way.

The only poor driving weather was in Northern Arizona when it snowed.

Now the Governor of Virginia Declared a state of emergency for this coming weekend! 

The weather was fine when I was there around Christmas time.

Not all situations on my vacation were safe ones.

Here I am right before being knockout by a Christmas tree in Wisconsin.

Being influenced by my brother

and his gang of marauders at a bar,

while watching the Packer game,

But not all was lost.

Because I got to hold onto my new granddaughter.

Whatever happened to my hair?

 

This is,

Going To Be Doing A Little Remodeling Tomorrow So I Will Be Back On Saturday.

Don't Let That Stop You From Reading All The Wonderful Stuff I Have On This Blog

Jim Hauenstein

 

And,

 

“Once the travel bug bites there is no known antidote, and I know that I shall be happily infected until the end of my life”
- Michael Palin -

 

That is my story and I am sticking to it!

 

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I'll Be Seeing You

 

What Did I Say?

Did I make it sound on my last post that I was going to try to write everyday?

I know it's hard to see but if expand this picture there are deer in front of the trees.

This is in Grant Park in South Milwaukee.

There were never deer in the park when I lived there or I would have hunted them down with my little plastic bow and arrow when I was a kid!

Now where was I?

Oh yes.

I was talking about how I was going to write on my Blog everyday after I got back from my two months of vacation.

Part of the old gang.

Well,

the good looking ones at least.

I really wanted to stretch this picture until I looked skinny.

Of course,

I'm the one in the middle.

It turns out I needed to rest from my vacation

and didn't have the gumption to write!

All that traveling put a toll on me and I ended up gaining about 25 pounds!

I know,

I carry all that weight well

and I'm so good looking too!

Go Packers! 

Picture of my Dad standing next to the statue of the wrestler

The Crusher!

If you expand this picture you will see on the statue's belt the phrase:

World Heavyweight Champion

The Crusher

The Man That Made Milwaukee Famous.

You will also see that at the age of 96 my Dad still has all of his own teeth!

I do have an idea for a new short story I have been thinking about.

Unlike most writers who know what they are doing,

I have to think about a story for awhile,

then one night I'll dream about it

and I'll have a new short story.

I'm also editing a Novella I have been working on

and hopefully will publish it in Amazon Books by this summer.

 

This is,

Hoping You

And Your Family Had A Great Holiday Season

Jim Hauenstein

 

And,

 

“It's not about presents but it is about your presence. Therein lies the spirit of the holiday season.”
- Julieanne O'Connor -

 

That is my story and I am sticking to it!

 

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