About Me

My photo
Hello my fellow Politiores Troglodytes. This Blog is a collection of Posts, Poems, & Short Stories that I write on a daily basis. If you find it entertaining, informative, and controversial, then I have done my job properly. Thank goodness too, because Karma has been on my case of late. I'm supposed to bring fifty people into the fold or I'll have to give back the part of Einstein's brain I inherited. No, I'm not one of the Scientists who got a piece of his brain when he died. Karma said, "Eat this knowledge. It'll make you smarter!" The bargain I made with Karma was, if I could change fifty people into Politiores Populos, I would be rewarded with my very own Lamborghini. So, that's my story and I'm sticking to it! Like what you're reading, then read on. P.S. Populo is Latin for people. Politiores is Latin for educated. Troglodytes is English for troglodytes. And Einstein's brain was stolen by Thomas Stoltz Harvey after his death in 1955 and eventually divvied up into 240 pieces. If you just read that last sentence, then you have just learned something and I'm just that much closer to fulfilling my commitment to Karma!

Thursday, December 29, 2022

The Best Holiday Out Of The Three Day Holiday Season

Did you know that when someone tells you,
"Happy Holidays"
they are referring to the three Holidays in a row at the end of the year?
What?
You say there are only two?
Well, you would be wrong my friend.
   The first "Holiday" is actually a combination of the different Holidays celebrated by the diversity of human beings living in the World. It's either called Christmas, Hanukkah, Kwanzaa, Soyal, Boxing Day, and so on.
   The third "Holiday" is celebrated by almost everyone in the World and that day is called New Year's Eve in English.
   But the second "Holiday," the most important "Holiday" out of the three seems to be only remembered by a chosen few these days. Some say they are a cult, but I say they are
"The Righteous Ones"
who follow a higher calling. What is this most important "Holiday" almost forgotten by time you ask?
It's My Birthday!
Amazon.com: Black Golden Glitter Straight Outta 1955 Cake Topper, Happy  67th Cake Decoration, Adult 67th Birthday / Anniversary / Vow Renewal Party  Supplies for Women or Men - Double Color : Grocery & Gourmet Food
 
This is,
 Always Ready To Celebrate This Most Important Of Days
Jim Hauenstein

And

“You know you're getting old when the candles cost more than the cake.” - Bob Hope -
 
That is my story and I am sticking to it!
 
Sign up as a Follower or Leave a Comment
 
  I would love to hear from you

Thanks for reading
 
Be kind to everyone
 
I'll be seeing you
 
"Happy Holidays Everyone!"  

 

Friday, December 16, 2022

Okay Already

   I know. I promised to write a four or five part story called "Do You Believe," with each part coming out two to three days from one another. But life seems to be getting in the way of my writing.
   First the good news. My second eldest daughter has just moved back home this past week and she has brought along her boyfriend. He is polite enough to stay still and listen to my stories about my adventures that my kids have already heard or don't have time to listen to. Poor guy.
   Now for the bad news. My driver's license has to be renewed before my birthday or I'll lose it and have to start from the beginning again. So I decided I would get the Real ID driver's license since we will soon need it to fly domestically.
   So I am at my local DMV office, right now, applying for my new license, when I am told I will have to take a written test to get my new Real ID license.
   "Okay," I say to the slow-loris looking DMV representative. "I have been driving for over sixty years. I think I can handle a little thirty question questionnaire."
   But that's why I am sitting here, angry as hell, after taking the test for the third time and waiting for my final result! I'm going to lose my license right here, right now! (bleep)
   It used to be, the test would ask you about certain driving situations and what would you do if you found yourself in those situations. Then they would ask questions about different shaped signs and their meaning.
   Then off you would go, terrorizing the neighborhoods with your inattentive driving.
   Not now! Now, in the State of California, you have to memorize stuff like; What is BAC, What is the alcohol level for someone over 21 years of age, and What is the BAC level for someone under the age of twenty-one?
   Who the (bleep) cares! Just don't drink and drive and the problem is solved!
   The worst part is, just before I started typing this post out on my phone I read in a news feed that the the requirements to have a Real ID has been pushed further out, until May of 2025! (bleep) I could have waited! (bleep)
   My name is being called. (bleep) I'll finish this (bleep-the-bleep bleep) post right after they cut up my (bleep-the-bleep bleep bleeping) license!
California's DMV drives us crazy, reforms are needed – Orange County  Register
Um, never mind.
I Passed!

This is,
I Never Doubted Myself For One Minute
Jim Hauenstein

And

“Never put off till tomorrow, what may be done, the day after tomorrow just as well.” - Mark Twain -
 
That is my story and I am sticking to it!
 
Sign up as a Follower or Leave a Comment
 
  I would love to hear from you

Thanks for reading
 
Be kind to everyone
 
I'll be seeing you

Thanks again
 
I will be continuing "Do You Believe" in a day or two. Just been really busy.
 
"Happy Holidays Everyone!"
 

Thursday, December 8, 2022

Do You Believe - Part Two

   I woke up the next morning rested like I haven't felt for years. Talking to myself, I commented, "Now that was a wild dream I had last night. It had to be. Probably from indigestion after eating an under cooked piece of beef I had last night."
   The rest of the day was a wonderful day. Somehow, it felt different from the usual days I've been having. Even the people I normally see on my morning walk greeted me with a hearty hello, instead of walking past me with their heads hanging down. It was so good, I almost forgot about the haunting dreams I've been having.
   That night, I got ready for bed, feeling pretty sure that those hauntings were the manifestations from leaving leftovers in my refrigerator too long and still eating them.
   I had quickly fallen to sleep, but surprise, it wasn't for long.
   "Wake up mon. We have a lot of work to do."
   "What, again?" I say, sitting up a little startled. "I thought you were a bad dream that went away. Now I have to put up with you for another night?"
   "Wow mon. Is that the gratitude I get for giving you a day of tranquility?" Bob says while toking on another joint. "Maybe I should leave."
   "Wait, wait, wait," I say worried now. "Don't leave. It was you who gave me peace of mind for a day?"
   "I can't take all the credit mon." he was saying while blowing smoke up in the air. "You had something to do with it."
   "Can you do it permanently to me, please?"
   After I asked, even I thought I was sounding a little needy, but what the heck. If it worked why not.
   "Maybe later," he said. "First, I have to explain to you the reason you were born and why you should live a full life."
   "Are we changing formats on me?" I asked. Then adding, "No longer going with the Ghosts of Christmas Past, Present, Future are we? Going to do the George Bailey and Clarence getting his wings scenario?"
   I smiled like I knew what I was talking about, but he rolled his eyes and said, "First, stop saying ghost or ghosts. It's not very woke of you. We, in the afterlife, prefer to be called spirits. It has a comforting sound to it mon."
   I looked at him like he was nuts, then asked, "Why, what's wrong with the word ghost?"
   He just stared at me intently, not even taking a drag off his joint, waiting for me to figure it out on my own.
   He finally lifted his hand towards his lips, I assume so he could puff away, but when I opened my mouth to speak he said, "No mon, think." and stared angrily at me this time.
   After a minute I went, "Oh, because people are ghosting people. The word is now used as an ugly mean thing that people do to each other!"
   He smiled his acknowledgement, took a big long hit on his joint, and blew the smoke to engulf me again while saying, "This George and Clarence thing you were asking about has nothing to do with us. You watch too many movies mon,"Chronic Pain: Is Smoking Cannabis The Answer? - Weed Tab 
To Be Continued...

This is,
I Quit Smoking Over Twenty Years Ago
And Now It's Legal Where I Live
And Better Quality
 TwoBuckHowie

And
“You may be an undigested bit of beef, a blot of mustard, a crumb of cheese, a fragment of underdone potato. There's more of gravy than of grave about you, whatever you are!” - Charles Dickens -
 
That is my story and I am sticking to it!
 
Like what you are reading?

Sign up as a Follower or Leave a Comment
 
  I would love to hear from you

Thanks for reading
 
Be kind to everyone
 
I'll be seeing you
 
I haven't written the next part yet
so the next one will probably be posted a few days

Thanks again
 

Monday, December 5, 2022

Do You Believe - Part One

   This is a true story and it started seven nights ago.
   Every time I was sleeping for a couple of hours someone or something would wake me up.
   The first three nights I was awaken by a unfamiliar woman's voice calling out my name so loud that I would sit up in bed, look around, and ask, "Who's there?" But no one ever replied to my query.
   The forth night I heard a crashing sound, as if something was knock off my bathroom sink, shattering onto the ceramic floor. Sitting up quickly, I looked for the broken pieces, but there was nothing there.
   Of course on the fifth night it took a lot longer for me to fall asleep, but once I did, it didn't take long for a male voice to call out to wake me up.
   "Hey mon. Wake up."
   Before I opened up my eyes, I knew that my phone was sitting on the night stand right next to my bed, so I planned what I was going to do next.
   I half jump out of bed, immediately grabbed for my phone, looked at my assailant to show him that I was calling the police and pressed the numbers; 9-1-...
   I was frozen in place. Sitting on a bedroom chair was a, Rastafarian. A see-through Rastafarian, but a Rastafarian nonetheless.
   He had the rainbow color hat on, the long braided dreadlocks, a neatly trimmed beard, and a dovetail ganja joint hanging from his lips.
   "Who are you? What do you want?" I finally got up the nerve to ask.
   He blows a small cloud of smoke straight up into the air and asked, "What mon? You don't know who I am? Have I been gone that long?"
   "Well, to me, you look a lot like Bob Marley,"
   "Ha ha," he laughs joyously, "Right you are mon. I am Bob Marley." He takes a long drag on his joint, smiling triumphantly.
   "Why are you here," I ask, while wondering why his joint isn't stinking up the place.
    "I'm here because you need me mon. You need me to show you the why and wherefore of your past, present, and future." he says while blowing smoke.
   "What a minute," I say a little confused. "Isn't that Jacob Marley's job? And why would the ghosts of Christmas Past, Present, and Future come to visit me? I'm not some crazy, greedy billionaire, who hordes all his money and laughs at the suffering of others. I'm just me."
   "You read too many books mon." and blows a huge cloud of smoke my way, which encompasses me completely.
Bob Marley At Island House, Hope Street, Kingston,... - worldwarXP 
   To Be Continued...
 
This is,
Do You Believe In Ghosts?
Well I Do!
Jim Hauenstein
 
And
 
“The ghosts of things that never happened are worse than the ghosts of things that did.” - L.M. Montgomery -

That is my story and I am sticking to it!
 
Like what you are reading?

Sign up as a Follower or Leave a Comment
 
  I would love to hear from you

Thanks for reading
 
Be kind to everyone
 
I'll be seeing you
 
I haven't written the next part yet
so each one will probably be posted a few days apart

Thanks again
 

Thursday, December 1, 2022

Kids Nowadays

These kids today.
First they get rubber mats under their swings and jungle gyms at the school playground, instead of the hard tar which was covered with broken glass and small pebbles back in my day, now I see them riding to school on their electric bikes, electric scooters, electric skateboards, and electric hover boards.
What happened to a little suffering to prepare young people for the hard knocks in life?
I had to walk to school, then home, in ten feet of snow, uphill both ways, with one shoe on!
When we wanted to motorize our ride we had to go out and find a old discarded used lawn mower to remove the engine for our power! You learned how to get greasy and oily taking it apart and rebuilding that engine. And everybody knew somebody back in the old neighborhood who had a welder set up in his garage. You had to work a paper route for three weeks to get enough cash to pay the guy to weld brackets on a bicycle frame. I could go on and on all day about cut fingers, bruised hands, broken finger nails, and smashed knuckles against hard cold steel. Those injured body parts were just from working with tools to put the thing together. The real injuries came later after you tried riding it.
Here, maybe this photo will help you picture the past.
 
See the source image
This shows one of those rich guy's bikes because mine never had a throttle lever. It had one speed. You got a whiplash, taking off, because the engine would be at full throttle the minute you started it up. You also got whiplash and flipped over the handlebars when you tried to stop in an emergency. Because there weren't any brakes, if you had to stop, you had to turn off the engine which instantly stopped the back wheel!
Don't even get me started on how the exhaust pipe was right next to your left thigh burning your skin away or that the direct drive V belt would grab your pants, pulling your leg back into the rear tire, burning your skin away.
These kids today have it soooooooooo easy.
 
This is,
I Am So Glad That Nothing Ever Stays The Same
Jim Hauenstein
 
And
 
“People will pay any price for motion. They will even work for it. Look at bicycles.” - William Faulkner -
 
That is my story and I am sticking to it!
 
Like what you are reading?

Sign up as a Follower or Leave a Comment
 
  I would love to hear from you

Thanks for reading
 
Be kind to everyone
 
I'll be seeing you

Monday, November 28, 2022

Fexting

Generation Z, or Zoomers which none of them like to be called, have come up with a new way for couples, or friends, to fight, or have a heated arguments, without being next to each other.
Couples, Have you been fexting? - Hindustan Times
Yes, in ancient times you could have received snail mail which took weeks or months to get, then penned your own scribbles to confront the offender and wait weeks or months to hear back from them.
When every home finally had a phone hanging on their wall, you could confront the offender immediately if they answered your call. While you hoped no one was listening in on the party line.
(A real thing, look it up) 
Now Gen Z.
Where people text each other when they are in the same room instead of talking to each other have decided the best way for couples or friends to argue is to go off to their own little corners or rooms and text their arguments to each other.
It's happening all over the world and I have a hard time understanding,
why?
They are missing out on the joys of getting beat up by an older brother, getting a frying pan to the face, a shoe to the forehead, or arrested because everyone points at you and says, "He Started it." to a police officer even though you had just walked into the bar.
What sweet memories!
 
This is,
I Bet Couples Make Up With Sexting After They Are Done Fexting
Jim Hauenstein

And

 “What’s not so great is that all this technology is destroying our social skills. Not only have we given up on writing letters to each other, we barely even talk to each other. People have become so accustomed to texting that they’re actually startled when the phone rings. - Ellen DeGeneres -

That is my story and I am sticking to it!
 
Like what you are reading?

Sign up as a Follower or Leave a Comment
 
  I would love to hear from you

Thanks for reading
 
Be kind to everyone
 
I'll be seeing you

Friday, November 25, 2022

It's Friday, Laugh A Little

About a decade ago I got an invitation to appear on the program
  because I was suing someone for $800.
My second eldest daughter said,
"No, you can't go. They'll put you in Jail for saying something stupid! Cause you never stop talking"
(True Story)

Why do they bother saying "raw" sewage?
Do some people cook that stuff?

I failed my driver's test yesterday.
The Instructor asked me,
"What do you do at a red light?"
I said,
"Look around, bob my head, and listen to the radio."

Let me ask you something.
If someone is lying,
are their pants really on fire?

Only two things are infinite,
the universe
and human stupidity.
And I'm not so sure about the universe.

People in hell.
Where do they tell someone to go?

I always think about how we measure success in our lives.
This is what I came up with.
At age 4 success is not pissing in your pants.
At age 12 success is having friends.
At age 18 success is having your driver's license.
At age 35 success is having money.
At age 50 success is having money.
At age 70 success is having your driver's license.
At age 75 success is still having friends.
At age 80 success is not pissing in your pants.
5 Times Barack Obama Lost His Sh*t in Public | GQ  
The difference between stupidity
and genius is that genius has its limits.

The other day,
my youngest son asked me how do you spell the word
"future."
When spelling a word,
I usually spell it out by saying two letters at a time,
then pause,
then another two letters,
and so on.
So I started with,
"F-U."
And he said,
"Fine! You don't have to be rude about it!" 
(True Story)

This is,
Knowing That Sincerity Is Everything
And If You Can Fake That
You Have Got It Made
Jim Hauenstein

And


"Why do Jewish divorces cost so much? They are worth it."
"Why do Jewish men die before their wives? They want to."
"Why don't Jews drink? It interferes with their suffering."

- Henny Youngman -

That is my story and I am sticking to it!
 
Like what you are reading?

Sign up as a Follower or Leave a Comment
 
  I would love to hear from you

Thanks for reading
 
Be kind to everyone
 
I'll be seeing you


Thursday, November 24, 2022

Have A Happy Thanksgiving Everyone

I have posts from every year wishing everyone a
Safe
and
Happy Thanksgiving
starting with;
 
My simple
Thanksgiving Wish
from
November 26th 2015
called
Happy Thanksgiving Everyone
 
I also have one from
November 20th 2018
called
Happy Thanksgiving This Coming Thursday
filled with music for this
Holiday.
(Yes I have the Adam Sandler Thanksgiving Song on there)

 *****
I know the
World
doesn't celebrate 
Thanksgiving,
but I still want to say,
I hope everyone gets to spend today with someone they love.
Happy Thanksgiving Everyone.
This is,
Gobbling Down A Turkey Wing
Jim Hauenstein

And

“After a good dinner one can forgive anybody, even one's own relations.” - Oscar Wilde -

That is my story and I am sticking to it!
 
Sign up as a Follower
or leave a Comment

I would Love to hear from you

Thanks for reading

Be Kind To Everyone

I'll Be Seeing You
 
 

Tuesday, November 8, 2022

Are You Going To Pay

Ah Twitter. Elon Musk's White Whale. Are you going to pay a monthly fee to stay on Twitter to help bail out another Billionaire? Oh wait, people already pay for $4.99 a month for Twitter Blue, which is going up to $7.99 a month now that Elon owns it. Blue is the verification method used to prove who you are. I guess auto-bots just don't have the cash to spend on their fake accounts.
And I really thought George Clooney was following me too!
I think Jennifer can offer a little more insight than I.

 Jennifer Jolly Special to USA TODAY

I lost way too much of my life to the drama unfolding on Twitter this past week — heck, even just in the past hour. Nearly everything Elon Musk tweets out these days seems to raise my blood pressure — and my hackles. Some of it is immature bro-culture “jokes” that aren’t funny. Pro tip: When you have to point out that something’s “funny,” it’s not. There’s also a definite troll-vibe to a lot of what he’s putting out, like calling credible news sources “fake,” while tweeting — then later deleting — a horrific conspiracy theory about the brutal hammer attack on Paul Pelosi, husband of House Speaker Nancy Pelosi. Hate speech has skyrocketed on Twitter since Musk took the helm too. According to Bloomberg, there was a 1,300% increase in a racist slur shortly after the takeover. Where do we go from here? Trending hashtag #twittermigration points to a new crop of social media sites such as Mastodon, CounterSocial and Tumblr as places social seekers are starting to flock.

This is,
The First Thing I Did Yesterday Was To Block Elon Musk On My Twitter Account
TwoBuckHowie
 
And
 
“If Republicans were willing to scrutinize billionaires *half* as much as they scrutinize people on food stamps, this country would be a much better place.”
- Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez -
 

That is my story and I am sticking to it!
 
Sign up as a Follower
 
or leave a Comment

I would Love to hear from you

Thanks for reading

Be Kind To Everyone

I'll Be Seeing You

 

Thursday, November 3, 2022

Observing

    I have noticed that the older people get, the more conservative they are. I saw a quote today by Snoop Dog that read, (I'm paraphrasing) "On Nov. 9th we turn back the clocks. How about we turn the clocks back to a time when people told the truth and got along with each other."  See, this is what I mean. So many people think of their younger days as the good old days and they see today as nothing but lies, hatred, and violence. That's because we always like to forget the struggles of those times gone by and we no longer look forward to the future.

    I myself used to struggle with change. During the early 1990s, I noticed where I worked, people were being let go because they refused to change. So I created my own mantra that I would say to myself every morning or when I needed a positive lift during the day. "Change is good, Change is inevitable. Embrace change and you will never be left behind in life."
 
    I believe this is the reason I find beautiful music to listen to, from today's artists. I still listen the songs I grew up with, but I am also, always, looking for new music that I enjoy.

    I used to complain, but now I feel foolish. I miss her cold feet trying to get warm on my legs on mornings like today. Remembering little things like this brings a smile to my face though.
 
    I know no one will believe me, but when I took the "Real ID" test in California, I was marked wrong on a question I swear I answered correctly!
 
    I have lived long enough to understand that "Big Business" warns the public about the upcoming inflation so they can layoff employees and raise prices for bigger profits and then go, "See, we told you inflation was coming."
 
Observe Customers Where They Are - Teaching Entrepreneurship
This is,
Observing The World Around Me
Jim Hauenstein

And

“Writers have this schizophrenic ability to both participate in their lives and, at the same time, observe themselves participating in their lives.” - Edward Albee -
 
That is my story and I am sticking to it!
 
Sign up as a Follower
or leave a Comment

I would Love to hear from you

Thanks for reading

Be Kind To Everyone

I'll Be Seeing You

Friday, October 28, 2022

The Friday Before Halloween

 

It is the Friday before
Halloween
when people who celebrate the
Day Of The Dead
begin the ritual of scaring themselves
and their loved ones,
with stories
and poetry of the macabre.
I plan on reading the
Raven
by
Edgar Allen Poe
out loud to the kids knocking at my door,
watching all the
Tree House Of Horror
episodes from the
Simpsons,
and covering my eyes when my grandson puts on the scariest flick he can find on
TV.
If you are like me,
reading terrifying stories
and poetry is far more entertaining to the mind then watching all the special effects
Hollywood
can cook up.
So,
for your weekend pleasure,
here are some links to frightful
Poems
and scary
Stories.
 
Poetry
*****
 
Stories
*****
 
This is,
There Is Plenty More Where That Came From Under The Headings Of Poetry And Short Stories & Flash Fiction
Jim Hauenstein
 
And,
 
“Eye of newt, and toe of frog, wool of bat, and tongue of dog,  adder's fork, and blind-worm's sting, lizard's leg, and owlet's wing.
For a charm of powerful trouble, like a hell-broth boil and bubble.
Double, double toil and trouble. Fire burn, and caldron bubble.”
- William Shakespeare -
 
That is my story and I am sticking to it!
 
Sign up as a Follower
or leave a Comment

I would Love to hear from you

Thanks for reading

Be Kind To Everyone

I'll Be Seeing You
Tourist attractions and cities brace for the possibility of Halloween  getting canceled | Fox News

Tuesday, October 11, 2022

Without Reservations

   I'm not a conservative and I've been told that I am far from it. I love new technologies and I believe in science. I believe it is only natural that the world keeps moving forward and is never stagnant or moves backwards.
   But here is where the "But" comes in. Like everyone in life, I miss some of the things I used to do, read, see, and hear. Like walking down the street with my pocket AM crystal radio waiting to hear the next Beatles' or Rolling Stones' song. Going to a Drive-In movie theater with a trunk full of my friends because we didn't have enough money to pay for everyone to get in. Seeing a live Stock Car race in person instead of playing GTA on my game console. And one of the biggest things I miss since I was little, is getting the Sunday newspaper and reading the funnies after I got home from church.
   The good news is, the oldest newspaper company in the West is still printing the Santa Fe New Mexican paper and they have a wonderful cartoonist named Ricardo Caté.
Ricardo Caté Offers Political Cartoons Without Reservations At The Indian  Pueblo Cultural Center
NoDAPL, Trump and Mother Earth - Funny Cartoons by Ricardo Cate' - ICT
Comical Scene on Canvas by Ricardo CatéRicardo Cate Comic Paintings
This is,
Saying You Really Need To Check Out His Work
Jim Hauenstein

And 
 
“It’s like, how did Columbus discover America when the Indians were already here? What kind of shit is that, but white people’s shit?” - Miles Davis - 
 
That is my story and I am sticking to it!
 
Like what you are reading?

Sign up as a Follower
or leave a Comment

I would Love to hear from you

Thanks for reading
 
Be kind to one another
 
I'll be seeing you

Thursday, September 29, 2022

I Quit Drinking Because There Are A Lot Of Scary Things Happening In October

     A lot of you might be thinking after reading the heading of this story that I might be some kind of alcoholic. Or, you could be thinking that I quit drinking because I now have cirrhosis of the liver because of too much vodka. These theories and any others you might be thinking of couldn't be further from the truth.
     It all started when I recently went to Wisconsin on vacation and I ended up getting lost in the deep woods.
     I wasn't afraid of wandering around in the forest not knowing exactly where I was because, as a youth, I was a Cub Scout. I knew that moss grew on the north side of rocks and on the lower part of tree trunks because direct sunlight will dry up the fragile plants. At night, the Northern Star is, well, always in the north. That swiftly moving water in streams is safer to drink than pools of stagnant puddles. I know how to identify poison ivy, poison oak, and poison sumac from pictures I saw in my Cub Scout book. And that all berries are not edible.
     So I was pretty sure I would find my way out of the dense woodland before I died of starvation or thirst. Besides, I had about five protein bars, two bottles of water, a blanket, and a pint of scotch in my backpack.
     What got me to relax, or put down my guard, was the beautiful red and orange sunset, gleaming through the branches of all the trees.
     The air was warm, birds were chirping, and crickets scratched their legs as I laid there watching the wonderful colors reflecting off the leaves.
     That is when I thought to myself, what would a couple of swigs from my bottle of whiskey hurt?
     A couple turned into three, then four, and then the whole bottle.
     I started stumbling in the dark, determined with a clouded mind, to find my way to civilization and get more booze. Foolishly, I didn't check my bearings with the North Star. I just kept wandering deeper into the woods.
     Finally, the alcohol took its toll on me. I laid down and went to sleep.
     It's when I woke up that I became frightened.
     The boughs and trunks of all the surrounding trees were curved in strange ways. A lot of them were toppled over by being uprooted. And the usual vibrant vegetation which covered the ground around those trees, was now dirt or thinning grassland.
     I started walking again, noticing there wasn't a sound except the rustling of leaves from a mild breeze.
     As the wind increased, the noise grew louder. Branches looked as if they were waving at me to hurry up, pointing in the direction I should go.
     The wind grew and the sound from the creaking trees told me I was in danger. I believe I heard tiny little voices talking about me.
     That alone told me that I should run.
     Gale force wind started breaking off branches and blowing over trees, as if the wind was throwing those limbs at me. On more than one occasion I had to dive out of the way of a pointed broken branch which was thrown in my direction or get skewered like a shish kabob.
      I feared for my life. The forest was alive and I felt like I did something to anger it.
      I ran and ran, as fast as I could. Suddenly, falling over an old log, rolling down a steep embankment, and landing in the middle of a paved road.
      Screeching wheels and the smell of burnt rubber stopped inches from my head. An old country gent quickly got out of his car and asked, "Are you all right?"
      I screamed, "The forest is alive and it's trying to kill me!"
      He started laughing, telling me, "You city folks are so damn funny. That's the drunken forest. These woods have a lot of groundwater beneath them, almost like a swamp, where the roots of the trees can't take a strong foothold. These woods are always moving, changing, and being uprooted with the slightest of
breeze."
      But I knew better. It was the fairies of the forest who tried to kill me, because I desecrated their sacred ground somehow. I vowed then and there that I would never drink again. Why risk the wrath of fairies who can manipulate trees or vegetation so they can extirpate me because of my obnoxious behavior!

Image result for drunken forest"
This is,
I Swear On The Bottle Of Scotch That I Drank That Day,
That This Story Is Absolutely True!
  You Would Believe It Too If You Were As Drunk As I Was
Jim Hauenstein

And

"I believe in everything until it's disproved. So I believe in fairies, the myths, dragons. It all exists, even if it's in your mind. Who's to say that dreams and nightmares aren't as real as the here and now?"   - John Lennon -


That is my story and I am sticking to it!
 
Like what you are reading?

Sign up as a Follower
or leave a Comment

I would Love to hear from you

Thanks for reading
 
Be kind to one another
 
I'll be seeing you
 
Okay, I made it all up, but fairies are real!
 
 

Monday, September 26, 2022

The Digital Footprint Company

 

   "Today the company Digital Footprint has announced a breakthrough in ancestry communications," says a soothing, computer generated voice heard on every activated mindlink connected to Cyberspace News. "With the advent of the late 20th Century, when the first World Wide Web was introduced, people have left an increasingly amount of their digital life exposed to the world."
   Not all of humanity is listening in on this news story. In fact, it's a small minority who actually hear the first announcement about Digital Footprint. But in today's society, if it's exciting, quirky, or different, news will spread quicker than a weBlong rumor in any High School classroom.
   "Back then, humans wrote handwritten communications to one another, took pictures and videos of each other, started paging short messages, and used cell phones and computers to email, tweet, post, and video chat with anyone who would listen to them about their lives," the computer voice continued. "Extensive Public Records were kept on every individual by the many Government entities."
   One celebrity, on her mindlink, thinks how wonderful it will be to have a conversation with her Great Grandfather, whom she heard so much about while growing up.
   Just the thought of Brenda Starlet using Digital Footprint sends her social media followers into a frenzy!
   "Digital Footprint can now, with the help of virtual reality, construct a complete personality avatar of a family member, from at least two generations prior, of long deceased relatives. Where they sound, look, act, and feel as if that person is right there in front of you!"
   Once Miss Brenda Starlet publicly orders her Great Grandfather's avatar, she proclaims that the world should witness her relative along with her, and see the true inspiration of why she became a public personality.
   "Tune in this Friday, when we display for the very first time, the Great Grandfather Avatar of Miss Brenda Starlet!" the computer voice says. This time with a little added emotion to his soothing voice.
   When the big day rolls around, half the population of planet tunes on their mindlinks to watch the very first, long deceased decedent virtual avatar, featuring Brenda Starlet's Great Grandfather coming back to life! So to speak.
   "This show is brought to you by Digital Footprint. The future of family relationships!"
   While watching through their mindlinks, everyone sees, in front of their eyes, a bunch of ones and zeros flash before Brenda Starlet in the form of a human figure. Then, slowly, clothing, hair, and facial features come to life as a virtual avatar of her Great Grandfather. With tears of joy running down Starlet's face, she says to the figure, "Hello, Great Grandfather. My name is Brenda."
   The avatar figure looks her up and down, then politely asks, "Why am I here?"
   "So I may speak with you, Great Grandfather, and get to know you."
   The world watches with amazement, as millions more mindlinks connect.
   "But why?" the stoic figure asks.
   "Because our family tales of you are that of a good man and a wonderful thespian."
   "Ha, ha, ha, ha." the avatar laughs. "Your Great Grandmother did like to hide the truth from people. She always felt it was important to protect the family name. She kept me from the electric chair, she did. I murdered seven women in my day and with her family's money, she kept it a secret from the world. What a wonderful gullible woman she was. Until the very end."
   "I don't understand? says a frightened Brenda.
   "Your Great Grandmother, Alicia, was a billionaire's daughter. She had politicians, police, and lawyers, from all over the country in her pocket." the figure says bluntly to the scared Starlet. "Eventually, I was such an embarrassment to her and the family name, that she poisoned me!"
Image result for digital footprint
 This is,
Saying You Don't Always Get What You Wish For
Jim Hauenstein

And

"In your name, the family name is last because it's the family name that lasts."
 
That is my story and I am sticking to it!
 
Like what you are reading?

Sign up as a Follower or Leave a Comment
 
  I would love to hear from you

Thanks for reading
 
Be kind to everyone
 
I'll be seeing you