It's Friday, Laugh A Little

About a decade ago I got an invitation to appear on the program

Judge Judy

  because I was suing someone for $800.

My second eldest daughter said,

"No, you can't go. They'll put you in Jail for saying something stupid! Cause you never stop talking"

(True Story)

Why do they bother saying "raw" sewage?

Do some people cook that stuff?

I failed my driver's test yesterday.

The Instructor asked me,

"What do you do at a red light?"

I said,

"Look around, bob my head, and listen to the radio."

Let me ask you something.

If someone is lying,

are their pants really on fire?

Only two things are infinite,

the universe

and human stupidity.

And I'm not so sure about the universe.

People in hell.

Where do they tell someone to go?

I always think about how we measure success in our lives.

This is what I came up with.

At age 4 success is not pissing in your pants.
At age 12 success is having friends.
At age 18 success is having your driver's license.
At age 35 success is having money.
At age 50 success is having money.
At age 70 success is having your driver's license.
At age 75 success is still having friends.
At age 80 success is not pissing in your pants.

 

The difference between stupidity

and genius is that genius has its limits.

The other day,

my youngest son asked me how do you spell the word

"future."

When spelling a word,

I usually spell it out by saying two letters at a time,

then pause,

then another two letters,

and so on.

So I started with,

"F-U."

And he said,

"Fine! You don't have to be rude about it!" 
(True Story)

This is,

Knowing That Sincerity Is Everything
And If You Can Fake That
You Have Got It Made

Jim Hauenstein

And

"Why do Jewish divorces cost so much? They are worth it."
"Why do Jewish men die before their wives? They want to."
"Why don't Jews drink? It interferes with their suffering."
- Henny Youngman -

That is my story and I am sticking to it!

 

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Thanks for reading

 

Be kind to everyone

 

I'll be seeing you