Client A

Dear Doctor Elisabeth Cress Saadawi,

   I'm sending you this email to discuss the strangest case I have ever come across in my 22 years as a psychiatrist.

   A few days ago Client A, which he will be referred to throughout our correspondence because of the doctor/patient confidentiality laws, came to my office without an appointment. Immediately, my receptionist felt threatened by his behavior and called security and myself.

   After questioning him with security standing by, I had this feeling that his mind kept going in and out of focus. Not like he couldn't hold a conversation, his mind was sharp. It was like his mind was registering so many different stimuli at the same time. I know that is not a very clear diagnosis of the individual, it is very early in his care, but this was the first impression I had of him.

   As I get a clearer picture on his condition I'll relay that information to you.

   I didn't ask him to leave right away, or have him sent to the county Mental Health facility because another patient in the waiting room started asking Client A if he would sign his autograph on a piece a paper for her because her daughter was a big fan.

   Knowing my receptionist, I looked over to her to see if she had searched the person on the internet and if it was really the celebrity in question.

   She shook her head yes.

   With the help of the security guard, I escorted the gentleman into one of the smaller waiting rooms in case he did become unruly while I finished with a patient I still had sitting in my office before the interruption.

   My other client, who's appointment was next, was completely happy to reschedule after Client A scribble his name on a piece of paper for her. She told me that his signature could be the thing that helps builds a better relationship with her estranged daughter.

   Of course I told her not to have too high of expectation. That if it didn't go as well as she expected, she doesn't sink into deep depression again about their fractured relationship. If it does help though, appreciate the moment for what it is and we'll talk about it at our next session.

   At least now I had an hour to see what Client A wanted and if I could help him.

   After our first session we agreed to start off with weekly visits. Although he stated he would pay extra if he could see me more often, but we settled on weekly appointments after I explained how I have other patients I need to see.

   I offered to see if you had room in your schedule but he declined saying that you're not in his time line.

   I know it might sound like a typical paranoid schizophrenic but after one meeting I feel it might be more than that.

   I'll update you next week after our session together.

 

   Your Friend

   Viktor Adler

 

P.S. I forgot to mention that I immediately sent him to a clinic to be drug tested or I wouldn't see him. He said he knew I would. So if it comes back positive, the strange case of Client A will be easily explained away and I apologize ahead of time for wasting your time.

 This is,

Not My Brain

But This Is My Newest Fiction Story

Jim Hauenstein

And,

More to come if Client A makes his weekly visits on time

“In Hollywood if you don't have a shrink, people think you're crazy.”
- Johnny Carson -

 

That is my story and I am sticking to it!

 

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Went To See My Doctor

I did go see my Doctor yesterday so I didn't have time to write a Post.

From September 6th, 2016 a story called

Did You Know That Some Institutions Will Let You Write Things Down On Paper With A Crayon

about seeing my doctor.

*****

   I went to see my Doctor today, and she said, "If you don't want to lose your job, lose your family, and start living a normal life, quite with the Frigga-trisk-aide-kaphobia!"

   Stunned, I said, "Doc! You don't have to be vulgar about it."

   You see, she is originally from the Philippines so sometimes her pronunciation of certain medical terminology is elongated. 
   "Jim. Why did you come in here to see me today?" She asked with a lot of frustration in her voice.

   "Well Doc. It only happened to me once this year."

   I was trying to act cool about it. Like, what happened to me was normal.

   "Back in May, I was drying off from my morning shower, when I heard on the radio the most frightening four words I have ever heard."

   Interrupting, she says, "I really think you need to see a Psychologist."

   My eyes widened. I was stunned. "No, Doc please." I started pleading.
   With as much earnest appeal as I could muster, I told her, "I trust you Doc. Just hear me out, please?"

   She pauses for a moment, looks me squarely in the eyes and asks,

"Are you paid up with all of your medical bills I've sent you?"

   I reply, "Of course I am Doc."

   I lied. 
   "OK Jim. You can go right ahead then."

   So I tell her in detail how I ran screaming from my house that day in May butt naked. Running past a group of children waiting for a school bus. Luckily for the children, unluckily for me, a motorcycle cop was driving by at that very moment. Without going into too much detail, after a night in jail, I woke up normal. I was released on a bond and told to appear in court on such and such day! "I postponed it until next year." I tell her. "What is wrong with me Doc?"

   With all the fake sympathy she could muster up, my Doc tells me, "You have a form of Trisk-aide-kaphobia!"

   Not looking very intelligent at that moment I ask, "What?"

   "You have Para-skevide-katria-phobia!" She says. Hoping I understand her now. 

   Untelligently I repeat, "What?" 

   "You are afraid of FRIDAY THE THIRTEENTH!" She yells in my face.

   "That's it?" I ask. "I can beat that little phobia."

   With a little smirk on her face, my Doctor tells me, "Jim. Because you postponed your court date, it is now on January 13th, 2017? That is on a Friday!"

   With that, I run out of her office, screaming all the way down the street, ripping all my clothes off as I go. I am sure that the last thing I hear, before leaving her office was, "Call 911. There is a nut running around outside with no clothes on!"

This is,

  A Institution Is Letting Me Write Things Down On Paper With A Crayon

 Jim Hauenstein

And,

“If a black cat crosses your path, it signifies that the animal is going somewhere.” 

- Groucho Marx -

That is my story and I am sticking to it!

 

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The Verity Of My Genuineness

"I don't have to tell you things are bad. Everybody knows things are bad. We know things are bad — worse than bad. They're crazy. It's like everything everywhere is going crazy, so we don't go out anymore. Well, I'm not gonna leave you alone. I want you to get MAD! I'm a human being, god-dammit! My life has value! I'M AS MAD AS HELL, AND I'M NOT GOING TO TAKE THIS ANYMORE! The whole world's people are becoming mass-produced, programmed, numbered, insensate things. I'M AS MAD AS HELL, AND I'M NOT GOING TO TAKE THIS ANYMORE!" - Howard Beale - From the 1976 Movie Network.

So,

you might be asking,

why did I quote

Howard Beale?

Because,

I'm Mad As Hell, And I'm Not Going To Take This Anymore!

People close to me have accused me of writing like I use a

Thesaurus

all the time.

You know,

like a

Reference Book,

Terminology Book,

Source Book,

 for the

Treasury Of Words 

I use.

(These are all books I do own)

But I am here to help you understand my

Verity.

They say the words I write have no

Verisimilitude

to them.

No

Genuineness.

I

Hanker

you to

Postulate

that my

Verbiage

is from my

Heart,

Soul,

and

Mind,

just like any 

Sermonizer!

This is,

Telling You That One Of The Meanings Of Insensate Is;

Without Human feeling or Sensitivity.

Look It Up.

It's On

Dictionary.com

Right Next Door To

Thesaurus.com.

Which I Never Use Because I Read So Much

Jim Hauenstein

And,

“From whomsoever one hears anything, it is wisdom to understand the true import of it.”
- Thiruvalluvar Thirukkural -

See!

Now That Guy Knows What I'm Talking About!

That is my story and I am sticking to it!

 

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I'll Be Seeing You

Climbing A Tree

This is a true story.

This really happened to me two days ago!

 

   I was with a friend of mine in the local park when he decided to climb a tree. After he got up into the bulk of the branches, he calls down to me and says, "Hey, come on up."

   I'm 6 foot, but he is taller than me, so the lower limb that he used to pull himself up was just out of reach for me.

   No longer in my youth, but still eating the same way as I did back then, I have gained a few pounds since. So the lower branch that I might have been able to jump to in my younger days was frustratingly hard for me to reach on this day.

   I tried jumping straight up a few times to grad hold of the limb but to no avail. On my last try I took a running start at the California Rosewood where I used the trunk of the tree as a platform to push off with my left foot to reach the cursed branch.

   Feeling good about my first victory in this endeavor, I made my way back towards the bulk of the tree with my hands. Getting close enough so I could do a pull up to get my chin above the branch, while at the same time, trying to lift my left leg high enough to insert it on top of a v-shaped split in the trunk.

   Working hard to accomplish this, I could feel the water droplets of sweat forming on my forehead and that burning sensation in the muscles of my arms as they began to hurt.

   But still, as hard as I tried, I couldn't get my leg up around the tree.

   That's when it all blew up on me!

   My daughter came busting into my room, waking me up from that point in my nap where you think your dream is reality, for a question that could have easily been answered at anytime of the day!

   The dream was so vivid that I woke up feeling exhausted, anxious, and frustrated!

   Inside my mind, I actually felt mad at myself for never finishing the task of climbing that tree!

 

This is,

My Dreams Are So Vivid That I Often Remember At Least One Of Them After I Wake Up

Most Of My Stories I Write Here Are From The Dreams I Have Had

TwoBuckHowie

 

And,

 

“The future belongs to those who believe in the beauty of their dreams.”
- Eleanor Roosevelt -

 

That is my story and I am sticking to it!

 

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Bread Verses Traffic

   I guess I have been keeping a secret for way too long. It happened such a long time ago that I have been afraid to tell people in case I would look foolish. I never confessed it to anyone after it happened and I have never confessed it to anyone until now. Yes, it's about a woman.

   Back in high school I was very fortunate to have a beautiful and a intelligent woman as my girlfriend. I say this because she was light years ahead of me as far as being mature and knowing what kind of future she was looking for.

   One day, we were driving around in my car, listening to the radio when she said, "We need to pick a song, that will be our song, so every time we hear it we will remember our days in school."

   "That's a great idea," I said, "and I have just the song."

  At the time, we were listening to a lot of good classic rock like, Neil Young, Beatles, Genesis, Carol King, and so on. Deep down inside, I never let on to my friends that I also liked Pop Music. At the time I think they called it Bubble Gum Music because it was so sweet.

   I was thinking that we had to pick a song about our love for each other, so I said, "How about Baby I'm-A Want You!" It's a song by the group called Bread.

   She couldn't stop laughing at me and said, "I was thinking more along the lines of the song, The Low Spark of High Heeled Boys!" A song by the talented group Traffic.

YES, I WAS EMBARRASSED!

This is,

Bread

Jim Hauenstein

And,

I did see

The Monkees

in 1969 at the

Milwaukee Pop Festival

So I have a long history of liking

Pop Music!

“People haven't always been there for me but music always has.”
- Taylor Swift -

 

That is my story and I am sticking to it!

 

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I'll answer you in a Post

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I'll Be Seeing You