Saturday, September 10, 2016

The Refrigerator Hacker

   "Turn around and spread your legs." Says Detective Callaghan.
   "But I came here to see you." An exasperated Billy Squire says. "I'm here to show you these pictures I have of severed heads inside a refrigerator!"
   "Billy, I have personally arrested you, myself, three times in the past four years for hacking the computers, in your High School, the local chapter of the Girl Scouts, and the White Pages." Detective Callaghan says with a sarcastic smile on his face. "Hacking your High School I can understand, if you wanted to change your grades. Not you. You gave everyone A's across the board, except yourself. Hacking the local Girl Scout computers I could see if you were trying to find an address of a girl. But not you. You covered up the identities of all the trans-genders who were being harassed by some local idiots. Now the White Pages? That has me completely stumped. It cost your Parents ten thousand dollars in fines and you had spent time in juvey detention, for what, six months?"
   "Detective, so you know my past transgression. So what. This is important and I wouldn't risk coming here if it wasn't."
   Callaghan looks sharply at Billy and explains, "You come in here, freely admitting to hacking Judge Penny Preston's cellphone, telling me she has one of these new refrigerators where you can see photos of what's inside the refrigerator, on your cellphone, while you are shopping, and then claim you saw three severed heads inside the Judge's frig?'
   "By George, I've think you've got it!" Exclaims an over excited Billy.
   "Turn around, spread your legs, and put your hands behind your back." Says the Detective sternly.
   "Are you going to arrest me?"
   "No. First we are going to take a ride to Judge Preston's house, tell her what you saw, ask her if she wants to press charges for you being a liar and a hacker. If not, I'm turning you over to the Feds to see if they can't come up with a few penal codes of their own, since you have hacked a Federal Judge's cellphone, falsely accused her of a crime, and just for being an all-around douche-bag!"

   "Detective Callaghan, isn't it? With a handcuffed prisoner I see." Penny Preston says after opening her front door. "What do I owe this strange intrusion to my Saturday morning?"
   "Sorry Judge. Instead of going through tons of paperwork, asking for a warrant to search the premises, and by which I'll be embarrassing myself and potentially dragging your name in the local newspapers, can we come in? Then I'll explain the whole situation to you."
   With a confused look on her face, Judge Penny Preston asks, "Is your prisoner dangerous?"
   "Not at all." Says Callaghan. "He is a hacker and he is accusing you of a crime."
   "Oh, so you are the little cracker who hacked my phone. You're not a very good one are you? You've left your hacker prints all over my phone. I actually had to get a new one this morning because of you."
   Billy didn't like the way that sounded. He knows he not in league with the likes of Anonymous. The famous global hacking organization which exposed the names of all the Klu Klux Klan members a few years back, but he is good enough not to leave a trail on a cellphone.
   "Detective, she is lying. We need to get out of here."
   Callaghan slaps Billy in the back of the head and warns, "If you say one more word, they will find your body in the local dump a few months from now."
   "Now Detective," says Judge Preston. "We do not want to infringe upon Mister Squire's civil rights now, do we?"
   "Sorry Judge. It's just so outlandish what he is accusing you of, that he is really pissing me off."
   "OK Detective. Why don't the two of you come in and explain it all to me."
   The two individuals walk inside, are led to a living room area, and told to be seated.
   After a moment of silence Callaghan tells the story to Judge Preston, the way he was told by Billy Squire.

   "Detective. I am shock and appalled that you would even bring this obvious degenerate to my home. First, I would like you to handcuff Mister Squire to the arm post of my oak couch over there. I'm sure he is not strong enough to break through that while I show you my refrigerator."
   Callaghan does as he is told and followers the Judge down a hallway which leads to her kitchen.
   Billy sits there, alone, wondering what the hell did he get himself into? "What was I thinking?" He says softly out loud.
   At that very moment, he hears a clanging sound, like a frying pan hit something, then a thump, as if someone has just crumbled to the floor.
   Billy almost pees in his pants when he hears, "Look Mom, Dad, and brother Tom. We have a new guest coming into the refrigerator. And I know how you all like company. So I will be right back to bring you one more new friend of ours."

This is,

Writing All The Scary Stories I Can For The Up Coming Halloween Season,

Jim Hauenstein,

And,

“Once upon a midnight dreary, while I pondered, weak and weary,
Over many a quaint and curious volume of forgotten lore,
While I nodded, nearly napping, suddenly there came a tapping,
As of some one gently rapping, rapping at my chamber door.
Tis some visitor," I muttered, "tapping at my chamber door —
Only this, and nothing more."