About Me

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Hello my fellow Politiores Troglodytes. This Blog is a collection of Posts, Poems, & Short Stories that I write on a daily basis. If you find it entertaining, informative, and controversial, then I have done my job properly. Thank goodness too, because Karma has been on my case of late. I'm supposed to bring fifty people into the fold or I'll have to give back the part of Einstein's brain I inherited. No, I'm not one of the Scientists who got a piece of his brain when he died. Karma said, "Eat this knowledge. It'll make you smarter!" The bargain I made with Karma was, if I could change fifty people into Politiores Populos, I would be rewarded with my very own Lamborghini. So, that's my story and I'm sticking to it! Like what you're reading, then read on. P.S. Populo is Latin for people. Politiores is Latin for educated. Troglodytes is English for troglodytes. And Einstein's brain was stolen by Thomas Stoltz Harvey after his death in 1955 and eventually divvied up into 240 pieces. If you just read that last sentence, then you have just learned something and I'm just that much closer to fulfilling my commitment to Karma!

Monday, February 12, 2018

What Is So Funny About Driving For Lyft?

I have been driving for
Lyft
for almost a year now.
And you would think I would have a few funny stories to tell about my experiences.
There are the usual cases where a first time user will put down the their
Drop Off Address
as their
Pick Up Address,
and vice versa.

I do live close to an
Indian Casino
and I can always tell when someone has
Won
or
Lost.
See the source image
Like the
Middle Aged Filipina Woman
who asked to be driven home at
7:30
in the morning.
Which was over
30 Miles
away.
She was so happy that she seemed to
Laugh
all the way home.
I was
Laughing Too,
after I dropped her off,
when I saw a
$50
tip to go along with my
$30
fare.

Once,
I picked up this
Elderly Woman
outside the
Casino
and she complained the whole time she was in my car.
It was the middle of the afternoon
and she was
Stoned Drunk.
Slurring her words every time she talked.
The problem she had with me was,
I like to play
Classical Music
while I'm driving.
Even after I turned it off she kept complaining how it sounded like a
Renaissance Fare
inside my car
and how people wanted to
Party.
She said I needed to play
Party Music
if I ever wanted to get a
Tip.
I gave her
One Star!

Another
Woman
that I picked up on a different occasion,
was also really drunk.
When I arrived,
she immediately jumped into the front seat of my car.
Then,
the first thing she says to me is,
"Jim, you will never forget me."
With every syllable she spoke,
she would punch me in the arm.
This went on for about ten minutes,
until I finally dropped her off.
And she is right.
I will never forget the only ride,
that I gave,
where someone keeps punching me!
My favorite was a
Guy
in his early twenties,
who set up a ride through
Lyft
for me to pick him up.
The problem was,
he was on the
Indian Reservation
and
Lyft
doesn't supply last names on the
App
of the people I am picking up.
When I arrived at the
Guard Shack
and I didn't have the person's last name,
I couldn't get on the
Reservation.
So I called the person I am supposed to pick up on the phone
and tell him my problem.
He says,
"No problem. I'll be right there. I'm the guy in the Tuxedo with no shoes on!"
He went to a
Wedding
on
Saturday,
and it was now
Wednesday Morning!
He kept apologizing to me for not having his shoes,
and he told me,
he didn't know what had happened to them!
I told him not to worry.
I bet,
at this very moment,
there is a homeless man out there,
wearing the best
Patent Leather Shoes
he ever owned.
See the source image
This is,
I Never Gave A Ride To The Tuxedo Guy Again,
But I Will Never Forget Him,
Jim Hauenstein,

And,

“Women need food, water, and compliments. And an occasional pair of shoes.”
- Chris Rock -

That is my story and I am sticking to it!

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Sign up as a Follower,
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as your Homepage
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or a Suggestion,
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If you are reading this on a
Cell-Phone,
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Link
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Blog,
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Thanks again.

Sunday, February 11, 2018

No More Bounty Hunters

Luckily,
we haven't heard anything bad about
Bounty Hunters
since my
June 13th, 2015 Post
called
The Wild West Mentality.
I am sure they are still out there,
doing there job with no regard to the
Law
or the
Safety Of Others.
We haven't heard anything because the
News Media
forgets so quickly until
Someone Is Killed!

 *****
Today I want to talk about a subject that,
"Really Pisses Me Off!"
Sorry for my bad language,
but actually,
these
"F---in Bas-ereds"
 should be hung by their toes
and put on display for being complete idiots!
I'm talking about
Bounty Hunters
and the
Morons
who hire them.
The latest casualty to be killed by a
Bounty Hunter,
and you can expect no repercussions since they are above the law,
is
Country Singer Randy Howard.
For a
DUI Warrant.
Not for killing someone,
he didn't show up for
Court
on a
DUI Ticket!
So they sent a
Bounty Hunter
after him!
Immediately,
the
Tennessee Bureau of Investigation,
started blaming
Randy Howard.
See the source image
In their statement release,
"Howard fired first."
This came out before their investigation was even over.
They have to side with the
Bounty Hunter 
and cover up their mistakes.
They have to protect the
Tennessee Court System,
which hires these
Bounty Hunters,
instead of employing full time
Sheriffs
to do their
Warrant Sweeps!
Back in 1997,
in
Phoenix Arizona,
the Headlines read:
 Bounty Hunters Kill Couple In Case of Mistaken Identity!
"In a flurry of bullets early Sunday morning, at least five bounty hunters wearing ski masks forced their way into a house here and killed a couple who apparently did not know the bail jumper who was being sought. The bounty hunters, who wore body armor and ski masks, burst into the house at 4 A.M., held three children and another couple at gunpoint, then opened fire into a bedroom that Mr. Foote shared with Ms. Wright. Mr. Foote returned fire, wounding two of the attackers."
The two people in the bedroom died from their wounds.
The local
Police
told
Reporters,
 ''It's a mystery to us,''
Sgt. Mike Torres said.
''There is nothing to indicate that the person they were looking for was at that house."
One of the best known
Bounty Hunters
 is
Duane "Dog" Chapman
who was on the cable channel
A&E
for years until it was leaked that he is a prejudice underhanded lying scum.
He verbally bashed his son for marrying a woman of color,
saying he was worried about,
"His TV ratings!"
His wife has had warrants out for her arrest,
but you don't see him hauling her off to jail.
The worry over
Bounty Hunters
only comes up when someone is killed,
"By Mistake."
Authorities are talking about regulating
Bounty Hunters 
instead of just getting rid of the damn program.
In today's Society,
local Governments,
have thoroughly convinced the Public,
that we need a Cop on every corner for our safety!
Then why do we need Bounty Hunters?
Take those bums off the streets
and use the Sheriff's Office for Warrant Sweeps!
That's what they were originally hired to do.
If you think I'm ranting over something I know nothing about,
think again.
A little over ten years ago,
I drove up to a friend's house in
Rainbow California,
and came upon a scene I couldn't believe.
Two huge guys were beating up my friend,
with his girlfriend screaming, 
"That's not him!"
They continued to pound on him when I butted in.
Luckily,
they didn't go after me.
I assured them that the person they were looking for no longer roomed with my friend,
but had moved out about a month before.
When we called the local
Sheriff's Department,
the
City Of Rainbow
is not large enough to have its own
Police Force,
we were told there is nothing we can do about it.
"Bounty Hunters are pretty much above the law!"
When is this
"Wild West Mentality"
going to fade into the past?
Do we really need Wannabe Cowboys with Ski Masks,
Body Armor,
and Guns breaking into our Homes?
Do we?

This is,
The Scene I Describe,
Where My Friend Is Being Beat Up,
I Swear Is An Actual Event
Jim Hauenstein,

And,

“The world is made up of two classes - the hunters and the hunted.”
- Richard Connell, -


That is my story and I am sticking to it!

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Cell-Phone,
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Link
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Blog,
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Thanks again.

Saturday, February 10, 2018

The Man From Mars - Episode Thirty Seven

   The Pilot of the Helicopter said something in a language I did not recognize. He and Tiny spoke to each other, obviously understanding each other, and they held a brief discussion with each other.
   They were calmly speaking to one another when I heard a bunch of little rockets being fired from the back of the copter. I couldn't see what was going on behind us, but my imagination was running wild enough that I could swear I heard at least five to ten incendiary devices being fired.
   They had to be antimissile incendiary devices because as quickly as I heard them being fired, I heard a large explosion behind us. The Pilot then started a kind of zig zag motion with the copter.
   It wasn't the usual kind of zig zag motion you see in the movies, where the airship is making sharp angles back and forth, he also included sharp angles up and down.
   I quickly gathered that if he just flew the helicopter in the standard back and forth, zig zag formation, the two military helicopters behind us just have to point their guns in one fixed position and keep firing forward. Then our copter eventually would cross paths with their line of fire. Taking ourselves out.
   I admired the fact that these guys were trained in military tactics, but still, this crazy zig zag motion of the helicopter didn't make the back of my throat feel any better.
   For me, it was one dry heave after another, while I watched Tiny and the Pilot calmly talk strategy.
   Or, they could have been talking about last nights poker game as far as I knew.
   It became suddenly quiet between the two and Tiny slapped his hand up on my forehead. Forcibly pinning it tightly back against the headrest.
   I'm sure the technology to completely stop our helicopter in midair hasn't been invented yet. Or, I mean, it hasn't been shared with the World by Ponleak yet, but I was happy with Tiny's hand upon my head. The G forces of momentum would have snapped my head forward so sharply that I believe I would have broken my neck. Then, when he lowered his hand to my chest, effectively grabbing my shirt, I knew I was in for another ride.
   We went start up in the air with the same amount of G forces it took to stop us.
   At this point of the ride, blacking out was a happy reprieve from all of this zig zagging of G forces.

   This is where it gets weird.
   I woke up naked, in a king size bed, with the morning sunlight shinning on my face. A woman was sitting in a chair at a little round table reading a book called, "The Fuhrer's Medallion."
   I coughed a dry cough and barely being audible, even to myself, I asked the young lady if I could have a glass of water.
   She smiled at me, picked up a cellphone, and said something in French to whomever was on the other side of the call.
   And no. She did not get up right away to get my glass of water.
   She just sat there smiling. Smiling at me.
   That is when I noticed the gun sitting on the middle of the table.
   She put down her book, picked up the pistol, and kind of aimed it in my general direction.

To Be Continued.....

Next Week.

This is,
Looking For A Glass Of Water Myself,
Jim Hauenstein,

And,

“This is what's beautiful about staying in a hotel: you are invisible, as is your neighbor.”
- Amit Chaudhuri, -

That is my story and I am sticking to it!

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Wednesday, February 7, 2018

Rant & Rave

I want to
Talk Loudly
and
Vehemently
right now.
Especially,
while I am still
Angry.
As in;
"Here I go again, ranting and raving about my neighbor who complains all the time that my car is in front of his house!"
 See the source image
 My car is a
Fiat 500L.
See the source image
 What is he talking about?
 He just likes to
Rant & Rave
about everything,
and everyone.
I have talked about this guy before.
But,
this
Idiot,
I mean,
this
Idiom,
I am now talking about
Ranting & Raving,
is a redundancy.
Since
Rant & Rave
mean just about the same thing.
But,
the phrase probably survives in our society,
on account of its alliterative appeal.
Or,
It Just Feels So Good To Complain About Someone,
Who Is Always Complaining To You!
I Like
Ranting & Raving
Too!
When it's appropriate.
This is,
Sorry,
I Had To Get That Off My Chest,
Jim Hauenstein,
And,
“I personally believe we developed language because of our deep inner need to complain.”
- Jane Wagner, -
That is my story and I am sticking to it!

Like what you reading?

Sign up as a Follower,
or Set up my Blog
as your Homepage
on your Web-browser,
or Leave a Comment,
or a Suggestion,
and I will answer you in a Post.

Thanks for reading.

If you are reading this on a
Cell-Phone,
below this story you will see a
Link
where it says;
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To truly get the full benefit of my
Blog,
I suggest you view the web version.
You will just have to expand the page to be able to read it.
Thanks again.

Tuesday, February 6, 2018

I Am Pulling For You. We Are All In This Together.

One of my favorite
TV Shows,
is
See the source image
You can see reruns of
The Red Green Show
on their web-page
or on many
across
America.
Now,
do not think I only like it
"Because It's an old man's show."
That's not it at all.
I was born
and lived half my life in the great
State
of
I actually have
Uncles
and
Cousins
who act
and think,
just like
Red Green.
Where nothing is
Junk,
but it is
"My Stuff!"
Well,
Wisconsin
and
The Red Green Show
are not the only people in the
World
with that
Entrepreneurial Spirit
with their
Junk.
One of my favorite
Countries
is in on the act.
It is called
Jugaad Engineering.
This is,
Loving Their Spirit,
Jim Hauenstein,

And,

“Don't be so quick to count out the teenagers. Some of the world's greatest changes, brilliant poetry, and innovations have come from the teenage mind.”
- Steve Maraboli, -

That is my story and I am sticking to it!

Like what you reading?

Sign up as a Follower,
or Set up my Blog
as your Homepage
on your Web-browser,
or Leave a Comment,
or a Suggestion,
and I will answer you in a Post.

Thanks for reading.

If you are reading this on a
Cell-Phone,
below this story you will see a
Link
where it says;
View Web Version.
To truly get the full benefit of my
Blog,
I suggest you view the web version.
You will just have to expand the page to be able to read it.
Thanks again.

Monday, February 5, 2018

Pursuing Happiness

Even though my kids have all grown up
and they no longer borrow from my penny jar to buy
Ice Cream
from the
Ice Cream Man,
I still believe in my
June 12th, 2015 Post
"And The Pursuit Of Happiness!"

*****
This is one of my
Pet Peeves.
People all over this
Country
drop their change on the ground
and don't bother to pick it up.
This is the only
Country
in the
World
where you will find money laying on the ground.
Years ago,
when I was with my kids,
I got out of my car at a grocery store's parking lot
and I saw two quarters lying on the ground.
So I bent down to pick them up.
From the other side of the parking lot,
My Kids & I
hear this old lady start to laugh,
asking,
"You're picking up pennies?"
My kids were still pretty young,
like still in car seats young.
I would always try to teach them the value of money.
Even a penny.
I often told them,
it takes at least
$1.00
to get an ice cream from the
Ice Cream Man.
So,
they would always pick up any money they found on the ground
and save it for the
Ice Cream Man.
Today,
on my walks,
I still pick up money I find.
I don't care who laughs at me.
I once worked for a service company where I had to make my own appointments with customers.
One of the
Richest Person
I have ever met,
and I have met a few,
parked her car on the street in front of her
Five Million Dollar Home,
for our appointment.
After getting out of her vehicle,
she had the biggest smile on her face.
She bent down,
announcing to me,
she had just found
Eighty Five Cents!
If this person,
who obviously didn't need the change,
would bend down to pick up money on the ground,
then I can do it too!
Rich People
are not
Rich
because they throw money
or give their money away.
They are
Rich
because they know the value of money.
They use the money to benefit themselves
and they know how foolish others can be with their money.
From earlier
Posts
I told you that I believe,
if someone is willing to pay you,
you should make as much money as you can.
You never know when it might end.
It is the
Top 1%
need to realize,
that having all the money,
is not really happiness.
A great
Documentary
about this subject,
is the
2010 Movie
called
"Happy."
It states that people,
who pursue money for happiness,
more often then not,
are the
Unhappiest People
in the
World.
The greed of money,
the need for money,
never ends.
Even at the cost of
Loved Ones
and
Friends.
People who just want money
and only money for their happiness,
once they get some,
find that they want
More & More
of it.
Never being satisfied with any amount they have.
"And the pursuit of happiness?"
It begins with a good family structure,
good supportive friends,
and just enough money to pursue what items you need in life for survival!
If you are one of the lucky ones,
to have all three in life,
you have been blessed,
two out of three,
still blessed,
one out of three,
try to find a way to get another.
Still,
you are blessed compared to half of the
Human Beings
living today.
So,
don't just drop your change on the ground,
save up your change
and give it to a
Charity
of your choice
So someone else has an opportunity to
"Pursue Happiness!"

This is,
I Save Mine In One Of Those Giant Wine Jugs,
Jim Hauenstein,

And,


“Count your age by friends, not years. Count your life by smiles, not tears.”
- John Lennon -

That is my story and I am sticking to it!

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Sign up as a Follower,
or Set up my Blog
as your Homepage
on your Web-browser,
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or a Suggestion,
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Sunday, February 4, 2018

Why Watch Football Today?

45 Other Things to Do on Super Bowl Sunday


By Mikey Rox

1. Bake a Milky Way Bundt

Gotta love a good Bundt. But this Milky Way Bundt recipe, courtesy of Cooks.com, takes the cake. (See also: Dump Cake and Other Sweet, Easy Treats)

2. Challenge a Facebook Friend to a Game of Scrabble

Just make sure you find someone who’s committed to finishing a game in one sitting. It’s annoying when it spans several seasons.

3. Rearrange Your Bedroom

Position the bed in front of the mirror.

4. Update Your Contacts

I’m notorious for getting drunk, making new friends and naming them in my phone after the establishment in which we met. For example, Frank Hooters or Mandi IHOP. The next day I have no idea who they are, and I never speak to them again. Time to downsize.

5. Write a Letter to Your Congressperson

Surely there’s something you need to get off your chest. I still can’t legally marry in most states. That’s a start.

6. Catch Up on Your DVR

My DVR is loaded with episodes of “The Graham Norton Show,” “Skins,” “Being Human,” and “Smurfs’ Adventures.” What do you have waiting for you?

7. E-file Your Taxes

Get ahead of the game — and get your refund faster — by filing your taxes online. Easy-breezy.

8. Dust

It’s a dirty job, but somebody’s got to do it. Yep, even you.

9. Go Sledding

What good is all this snow if you don’t make proper use of it? There has to be a hill close by that’s calling your name. Like Big Bear, Idyllwild, and Mammoth Mountain. All in California.

10. Clean Out Your Closet

Make a charitable contribution — to your local church or your least favorite friend — while making room for new spring additions.

11. Make a Handmade Valentine for Your Sweetie

Mine will be an interpretation of one of these prints by Gaping Void. She’ll return the gift in kisses.

12. Sanitize the Refrigerator

And while you’re at it, throw out anything more than one month past its expiration date. You don’t want to start the next global pandemic, do you?

13. Film Your Own Commercial

The sky is the limit, but this amateur submission is pretty darn funny.

14. Learn How to Play Texas Hold ’Em

A good way to earn some extra cash — if you know how to play better than your unsuspecting friends.

15. Memorize the Budweiser Pledge

One of my fraternity brothers could recite this verbatim. I always thought it was kinda neat. One of those idiot savant qualities that you can’t help but envy.

16. Scrub the Tub

It’s not supposed to have a ring around it. Neither should the toilet, for that matter.

17. Make Decoupage Magnets

I picked up the necessary items to make these magnets at my local craft store for under $4. A lot of times Michael’s has a 40% off one item coupon in the weekly circular, and you can save even more money by cutting pictures out of magazines (or old photos!) instead of buying scrapbooking paper like the post suggests. You don’t need a circle cutter or a cutting mat, either. Regular scissors work just as well.

18. Read the Book "No Return Address!"

By James Hauenstein. Sold at many of the online eBook stores. I’ve heard and read so many excellent reviews on this. I can’t wait to dive in.

19. Sign up for RentAFriend.com

I did. You can read all about it right here.

20. Embark on a Local Road Trip

You don’t have to go far — or spend a bundle — to see new sights and enjoy exciting experiences. Hop in the car and take a drive.

21. Take Down the Christmas Decorations

Seriously. It’s almost Valentine’s Day.

22. Call Grandma

Full disclosure: Mine called me at the end of December, and I still haven’t returned her call. I think it’s time to take my own advice

23. Create a Five-Year Plan

If you make a formal plan, you’re more likely to achieve your goals. But you don’t have to believe me. Wise Bread writer Janey Osterlind details how in this article.

24. Hold a Séance

You’ll need a Ouija board, a few candles, and an open mind. Extra points for authenticity if you can convince your friends that the poltergeist living in your basement is showing you “signs.”

25. Build an Igloo

A few geniuses in Slovenia charge people to stay in theirs. Imitation is the sincerest form of flattery.

26. Learn Spanglish

This really depends on how ambitious you are. I would start with the bad words.

27. Alphabetize Anything That Has a Title

There’s just something about books and movies filed from A to Z that soothes the soul. At least for someone with OCD, like me.

28. Roll Loose Change

Everybody has a change jar. It may not look very promising, but I bet there’s at least $30 in yours. That’s enough for groceries, a partial tank of gas, or a movie with concessions. Your call.

29. Take Up Knitting

The possibilities are endless. You can make scarves, sweaters, potholders and lots of other things that old people will like. Learn knitting basics with this video.

30. Feed the Homeless

Not everybody cares about the Big Game. Some people are just tryin’ to stay alive.

31. Study the Science of Mixology

Anyone who can make a cucumber cocktail is OK with me.

32. Give Yourself a Mani-Pedi

You’ll save cash — and your woman will thank you for clipping those claws.

33. Discover Chatroulette

You’ve heard the stories. Now experience the eye-bleaching action firsthand. If you like that kind of thing. I mean "Social Networking." It hasn't been this much fun since My Space.

34. Put Your Gym Membership to Use

Trust me, there will definitely be an elliptical machine available this time. No excuses.

35. Make Reservations at a Fancy Hot Spot

Can’t ever snag a table at that uppity new restaurant? Tonight’s the night!

36. Host a Pre-Oscars Viewing Party

Rent two of the Best Picture contenders and pretend like you’re part of the Academy. Before the show begins, critique each other’s outfits.

37. Practice the Art of Cake Decorating

One of my aunts recently took a class and I was impressed. She’s no Duff Goldman — yet — but for a novice she really knocked my socks off. You can do it the DIY way by picking up a decorating kit.

38. Go Mock Shopping

When I was bored and broke in college, I would head to the town Walmart and stuff my cart full of fancy items. Fancy for Walmart in 2001, at least. When I had everything I needed, I would abandon the cart at the end of a dark aisle for an unsuspecting employee to find and curse me for later. It was strangely satisfying.

39. Get a Tattoo

Just don’t use Gucci Mane for inspiration.

40. Volunteer to Be a Designated Driver

Chances are all your friends will be blacked out by the time the game is over. Be a hero. Save some lives.

41. Replace the Photos in Your Frames

People are doing this less and less as time goes on, because many of us put them online for the world to see instead of printing them out to enjoy at home. That's the downside to digital cameras, and it means that our hard-copy pics are out of date. Give your frames a facelift by ordering prints from Kodak Gallery, which offers 50 free to new customers. That’s enough to share.

42. Clean Out Your Carryall

God only knows what you've got in there. All you really need are these nine items.

43. Manscape

Although if you're opposed to watching the Super Bowl, common sense says that you're already groomed better than a prize-winning poodle.

44. Attend a Church Service

It's long overdue. Plus, free wine!

45. Learn to Like the Super Bowl

If you don't, nobody will hang out with you. I'm living proof.
 
This is,
Not MeAgain,
Because I Am Going To Watch The Big Game,
Jim Hauenstein,

And,

“The easiest way to remember your future wife’s birthday is to marry her on Super Bowl Sunday.”
- Matshona Dhliwayo -

That is his story and I am sticking to watching the football game so I don't end up acting or looking like a bad Sport!
I have my own problems! 

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Sign up as a Follower,
or Set up my Blog
as your Homepage
on your Web-browser,
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or a Suggestion,
and I will answer you in a Post.

Thanks for reading.


Saturday, February 3, 2018

The Man From Mars - Episode Thirty Six

   Tiny was not pleased with me regurgitating my last couple of alcoholic drinks that I had earlier in the day, all over his nice suite. I figured that, he should have been happy, that I didn't get a chance to eat anything all day. Think of the mess that would have made!
   I knew Tiny wasn't too pleased with me, because, after he took off his already soaked suite coat, he stared at me the whole time he was wiping up the rest of my mess from inside the helicopter.
   With his coat no less.
   Since neither of us had time to put on a headset yet, the pilot turns to yell, at the top of his lungs, "You better strap in, in a hurry. It looks like two, military grade, helicopters are moving up fast behind us."
   I look to Tiny and say, "You don't think they are going to shoot us down, do you?"
   He gave me that look, that people used give to each other, when someone said something stupid.
   The look made famous by the rock group Smash Mouth.
   Yes, I wasn't the sharpest tool in the shed at that moment and I did have that big "L" on my forehead. Metaphorically.
   We both got up and sat on the rear seats facing the front window and the pilot's back. After I finally got strapped in and put a helmet on, which had the headset already attached to it, I once again asked Tiny, "Do you think they will fire on us?"
   I turned my head to look his way and got a face full of a saturated suite coat, full of my spit, for my efforts and my question.
   I garb it, saying "ew," and threw it on the floor next to his feet.
   It didn't smell that good.
   Over my headset I hear him say, "Try to think for a moment. They already know that Ponleak no longer has the amulet. They know you do. They would have figured out, almost immediately, that he is a decoy so we can escape. They want the amulet. Shooting us down might damage it."
   "Wow," I said. "That's a load off my mind."
   Tiny shakes his head and says, "Those military helicopters are going to follow us until we land somewhere. What's going to stop them from shooting you when we get on the ground, so they can take the amulet off your dead body."
   Looking anxious again, I say, "Because they might accidentally hit the amulet?"
   "Not if they shoot you in the head." A smiling Tiny says to me.
   I started thinking to myself. Why me? Why me?
   I wanted to scream it out loud.
   "Look straight ahead, keeping your eyes forward." Tiny starts to tell me. "Keep looking out the Cockpit's window, far off in the distance."
   I was about to ask why, when, all of a sudden, my head and body were plastered against my seat. Whatever kind of rockets that were attached to this copter, must have just kicked into overdrive.
   Being a civilian, I never knew that the technology of these birds had advanced to this point. It felt, to me that we were pulling 9 Gs. That was my uneducated guess anyways.
   The minute I tried to look anywhere but straight ahead, I could feel my stomach preparing a succession of dry heaves in the back of my throat.
   The pilot banked the craft sharply to the right. Going between a line of trees, stationed on either side of a fire-lane dirt road.
   We flew just a few feet above the ground.
    He never missed a beat. The road turned left, he turned the craft left. The road elevation changed. The pilot moved up and down, evenly with the road's different levels of height.
   Up and down, right and left. Outpacing and outmaneuvering the two military helicopters.
   I was really happy that I had nothing left in my system. To spit up I mean. But my body had other ideas. It kept coming up with few dry heaves every time the lump in my stomach decided to roll over and make itself known. Not to mention how dizzy I was becoming.
   The fire lane started to rise alongside a steep hill and the helicopter never slowed down for one second. Nor did it stray higher off the ground then a few feet.
   Once we reached and crossed over the crest of the hill, we took a quick nosedive until we were above a body of water.
   The pilot straightened out the machine right before we submerged.
   We were skiing across a reservoir. At 9 Gs. With the bottom two rails of the copter making wakes across the water.
   By this time, I was just becoming used to my upset stomach, my aching muscles from holding on so tight, and the dizziness from all the sharp turns the helicopter was taking, when I saw, in the front of the cockpit, a very bright red light starting to flash on and off. Not only that, a loud horn blasted in an opposite synchronization of the flash.
   Even I could tell it was some kind of warning.
   "What's happening?" I asked, in my own confused imitable way.
   "I guess I was wrong." Tiny said, matter-of-factly. "I guess they will chance damaging the amulet."
   "What?"
   I couldn't think of anything else to ask.
   Then Tiny tells me. "One of the helicopters following us, just fired a heat seeking missile."
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 To Be Continued.....

Next Week.

This is,
Getting Dizzy From Excitement,
Jim Hauenstein,

And,

“The moral high ground is a lovely place. It won’t stop a missile, though.”
- James S.A. Corey, -

That is my story and I am sticking to it!

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