Observations

In a previous episode I mentioned that I took a part time driving job to give me something to do with my free time. So I am wondering why is it, that when I was growing up the only people who were talking to themselves were the people who were nuts!

Now,

everyone with

"Hands Free Blue Tooth Devices"

  are nuts!

Watch the Road!

****

When I worked on Camp Pendleton I once heard a 2nd Lieutenant,

in the Marines, say to his troops,

"Do more than you have to do, more than your share, and do it as well as you can."

 Later that same day I saw this same 2nd Lieutenant talking to another Ranked Officer telling him,

"I never promote the harder workers, or my best soldiers.
I need them to make me look good so I get promoted."

Know what kind of person you are working for.

****

People who pursue only money as a life goal are never truly happy. Because there never is enough Money! I know from personal experience.

****

Now here's one for you gamblers:

A person can never force a "Change In Luck" by just sitting there.

But they can change the "Machine" they are on!

****

When will we ever hear from one of the Avengers,

"Feel The Power Of My Heuristic Algorithmic Viral Defense!"

****

  People who live in Glass Houses can see their surroundings.

****

Never tell anyone what you paid for something.

Because there might be only one person who says to you,

"What a great deal."

Then there will be plenty of people who will tell you,

"You've been ripped off. I could have gotten you a better deal."

Isn't it funny how those Guys who can get you all these great deals never have any of those items!

****

Going to Church once a week doesn't excuse you from being evil 

Six Days A Week!

Yes

This is

Observing On The Sabbath
Jim Hauenstein

And

"Nobody outside of a baby carriage or a judge's chamber believes in an unprejudiced point of view." - Lillian Hellman -

 

That is my story and I am sticking to it!

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On a personal note,

what ever happened to you

FragrantInvaderofPeace!?

 

Some Of The Jokes I Have Written Down Over The Years

Recently, I went into one of those discount massage parlors. It turned out to be self serve!

 

Then I met this hooker on a street corner. She told me she had a headache!

 

If it wasn't for the guy who just pick-pocketed me, I'd have no sex life at all!

 

I blame it all on my upbringing when I was a child. When I took my first step, my Dad tripped me!

 

When I was born, the doctor slapped my Mom!

 
I think I was still a virgin at the age of thirty-three, when I was making love to this girl I was dating. She started crying so I asked,
"Are you going to hate yourself in the morning?" She said, "No, I hate myself now!"

 

One night I thought I was going to get really lucky. I had these two beautiful women in my car and they both scream at the same time,
"Stop here!" Right next to the International House of Pancakes was a Motel 6. We went inside, and I had to pay for two "Rooty Tooty Fresh N Fruity" meals!

 

Then I started dating this girl who was half-black. She dumped me because she said I was prejudiced. In a sweet passionate moment, I called her half-white!

 

When I got married, I asked my wife if I could give her a goodnight kiss on her cheek. She bent over!

 

I did meet a famous politician once. I met the Surgeon General and he offered me a cigarette!

 

Still, I believe, in this World, every person has a soul mate. And if I ever find mine, my wife will kill her!

 

People say I look a lot younger than I really am. That's because I act so immature!

This is,
Those Last Two Jokes I Wrote Myself
Jim Hauenstein

And

“Whenever I feel the need to exercise, I lie down until it goes away.”
- Paul Terry -

That is my story and I am sticking to it!

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When I Wore A Beard

There is a perfectly good reason that I'm posting a picture of me pointing out the emblem on my car.

First,
I want to show off to my sister.
Second,
it's the only recent photo I have of me with a beard.

Why is the beard so important?

Because you never know how old you look as you do with a beard.

In my case wearing a beard makes me look a lot older than I really am.

I have two examples to prove my point.

First example.

I went to visit someone at the local hospital and stood in line to talk to the receptionist at the Emergency Room entrance.
When a
"70 Year Old Lady"
in front of me asked the female employee behind the desk,

"How to go about getting my sick husband admitted and a wheelchair for him? He has a temperature of one hundred degrees."

The receptionist looks directly at me and asks,
"Do you need a wheelchair sir?"

I kindly pointed out the elderly gentleman who was already sitting down on a chair a few feet to my right and said,
"He's the one she is talking about."

My second example.

I took my daughter shopping one day to a big local chain department store called
Ross.
She went up to a female
"Salesclerk"
  and asked her where they kept her size bra.
Of course,
being raised in my household where anything feminine was kept secret from my delicate ears,
my daughter whispered her question.

The salesclerk smiles and asks,

"Is this the first time you went shopping with your Grandfather for a new bra?"

That floored my daughter.
She couldn't get up from kneeling on the ground from laughing so hard.

 

This is,

These Are True Stories That Happened To Me In My Life

Not Those Fabricated Lies AIs Make Up About Me

Jim Hauenstein

 

And

 

“A man with a beard was always a little suspect anyway. You couldn't say you wore a beard because you liked a beard. People didn't like you for telling the truth. You had to say you had a scar so you couldn't shave.” - John Steinbeck -

 

That is my story and I am sticking to it!

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One Of My Fondest Memories

Reprising A story I wrote back on May 29th, 2015

*****

I want to thank the

Marines

and

Stater Brothers

today.

You might be wondering why I would want to thank the
U.S. Military
and
Stater Brothers Groceries.
It's because of what just happened to me

and one of my grandsons who is here celebrating
Memorial Day

with me.
You see,

my grandson
and I were jumping on the trampoline in my backyard when we saw two
Marine Gunship Helicopters
flying over the mountain ridge.
I am not a good judge of distances,
when it comes to airplanes,
or helicopters in the sky,
but they had to be close enough overhead to see us on the ground.
I told my grandson to wave to them,
because it is
Memorial Day,
the day to celebrate our
Military Heroes.
He waved vigorously,
like a five year old will do.
Lo & behold,
those
Marine Helicopters
turned around,
and flew directly over our house,
doing a complete circle,
before heading back in the same direction as before.
Of course,
when they were overhead,
I was so proud,
that I started waving just as vigorously as my grandson.
Thank you
Twenty-Nine Palms & Camp Pendleton Marines Corp
for once again being true
American Heroes.

Now,
  about three
or four weeks ago,
just before the new
Avengers
movie came out,
Pepsi
set up a display at
Stater Brother's Supermarket
featuring cardboard cutouts of
Iron Man,
Thor,
Captain America,
and my favorite,
The Hulk.
I immediately went to customer service
and asked if I could have the display after the promotion was over.
The
Assistant Manager
agreed,
taking my name
and phone number.
Last
Tuesday
I got the call to pick up my
Super Heroes.
It was a
Super Cool
gift for my grandson.
This week has really been a treat for this grandson
and myself.

Thank you
Stater Brothers
and the
U.S. Marines Corp.

This is,
Celebrating What A Wonderful Life This Truly Is
Jim Hauenstein

And

“Till the time Mother Nature takes away what she had bestowed upon us for free - this wonderful gift, of life. Value it, while you have it.” - Fakeer Ishavardas -

 

That is my story and I am sticking to it!

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I Have A Part Time Job

First, I would like to say I am still a blogger with a lot to say, but I also get bored sitting around the house all day. So I started working part time to ease some of that boredom. Yes, I do have a few friends I see once in awhile, but since I don't smoke, drink, or gamble, I'm boring to them. Yes, I do go for daily walks up to 5 miles per, I do like to read books as much as possible, and I do cut, trim, repair, clean around or inside my house. But I always liked driving. There is music I can listen to, podcasts, there are always new sites to see, and if I talk one of my kids to go with me, great conversation. Now I only have to budget my time better so I can blog again!

*****

Here is something that took me by surprise.

I received a text message the other day that put a smile on my face.

A friend of mine was researching the article

"How Much To Spend On Birthday Gift: Resolved (2023 Updated)"

By Kimberlee Johnson.

He wants to buy a gift for a friend so when he saw the table of contents that said,

"Gift For A Friend"

he clicked on it,

started reading,

and came across one of my quotes.

"Remember, the best presents anyone can give, is being there for their loved ones."

They probably got it off my Goodreads Author's Page under quotes.

I checked today

and didn't realize that I have seven pages of quotes on the site.

I guess I'm quotable!

This is,

Appreciating The Exposure

Jim Hauenstein

 

And

 

"Eye Amost Evr Spel Ah Werd Wong Annymoe, sinc eye goat alto pel" - James Hauenstein -

 

That is my story and I am sticking to it!

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Sign up as a Follower or Leave a Comment
 
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Thanks for reading
 
Be kind to everyone
 
I'll be seeing you