Went To See My Doctor

I did go see my Doctor yesterday so I didn't have time to write a Post.

From September 6th, 2016 a story called

Did You Know That Some Institutions Will Let You Write Things Down On Paper With A Crayon

about seeing my doctor.

*****

   I went to see my Doctor today, and she said, "If you don't want to lose your job, lose your family, and start living a normal life, quite with the Frigga-trisk-aide-kaphobia!"

   Stunned, I said, "Doc! You don't have to be vulgar about it."

   You see, she is originally from the Philippines so sometimes her pronunciation of certain medical terminology is elongated. 
   "Jim. Why did you come in here to see me today?" She asked with a lot of frustration in her voice.

   "Well Doc. It only happened to me once this year."

   I was trying to act cool about it. Like, what happened to me was normal.

   "Back in May, I was drying off from my morning shower, when I heard on the radio the most frightening four words I have ever heard."

   Interrupting, she says, "I really think you need to see a Psychologist."

   My eyes widened. I was stunned. "No, Doc please." I started pleading.
   With as much earnest appeal as I could muster, I told her, "I trust you Doc. Just hear me out, please?"

   She pauses for a moment, looks me squarely in the eyes and asks,

"Are you paid up with all of your medical bills I've sent you?"

   I reply, "Of course I am Doc."

   I lied. 
   "OK Jim. You can go right ahead then."

   So I tell her in detail how I ran screaming from my house that day in May butt naked. Running past a group of children waiting for a school bus. Luckily for the children, unluckily for me, a motorcycle cop was driving by at that very moment. Without going into too much detail, after a night in jail, I woke up normal. I was released on a bond and told to appear in court on such and such day! "I postponed it until next year." I tell her. "What is wrong with me Doc?"

   With all the fake sympathy she could muster up, my Doc tells me, "You have a form of Trisk-aide-kaphobia!"

   Not looking very intelligent at that moment I ask, "What?"

   "You have Para-skevide-katria-phobia!" She says. Hoping I understand her now. 

   Untelligently I repeat, "What?" 

   "You are afraid of FRIDAY THE THIRTEENTH!" She yells in my face.

   "That's it?" I ask. "I can beat that little phobia."

   With a little smirk on her face, my Doctor tells me, "Jim. Because you postponed your court date, it is now on January 13th, 2017? That is on a Friday!"

   With that, I run out of her office, screaming all the way down the street, ripping all my clothes off as I go. I am sure that the last thing I hear, before leaving her office was, "Call 911. There is a nut running around outside with no clothes on!"

This is,

  A Institution Is Letting Me Write Things Down On Paper With A Crayon

 Jim Hauenstein

And,

“If a black cat crosses your path, it signifies that the animal is going somewhere.” 

- Groucho Marx -

That is my story and I am sticking to it!

 

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The Verity Of My Genuineness

"I don't have to tell you things are bad. Everybody knows things are bad. We know things are bad — worse than bad. They're crazy. It's like everything everywhere is going crazy, so we don't go out anymore. Well, I'm not gonna leave you alone. I want you to get MAD! I'm a human being, god-dammit! My life has value! I'M AS MAD AS HELL, AND I'M NOT GOING TO TAKE THIS ANYMORE! The whole world's people are becoming mass-produced, programmed, numbered, insensate things. I'M AS MAD AS HELL, AND I'M NOT GOING TO TAKE THIS ANYMORE!" - Howard Beale - From the 1976 Movie Network.

So,

you might be asking,

why did I quote

Howard Beale?

Because,

I'm Mad As Hell, And I'm Not Going To Take This Anymore!

People close to me have accused me of writing like I use a

Thesaurus

all the time.

You know,

like a

Reference Book,

Terminology Book,

Source Book,

 for the

Treasury Of Words 

I use.

(These are all books I do own)

But I am here to help you understand my

Verity.

They say the words I write have no

Verisimilitude

to them.

No

Genuineness.

I

Hanker

you to

Postulate

that my

Verbiage

is from my

Heart,

Soul,

and

Mind,

just like any 

Sermonizer!

This is,

Telling You That One Of The Meanings Of Insensate Is;

Without Human feeling or Sensitivity.

Look It Up.

It's On

Dictionary.com

Right Next Door To

Thesaurus.com.

Which I Never Use Because I Read So Much

Jim Hauenstein

And,

“From whomsoever one hears anything, it is wisdom to understand the true import of it.”
- Thiruvalluvar Thirukkural -

See!

Now That Guy Knows What I'm Talking About!

That is my story and I am sticking to it!

 

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Climbing A Tree

This is a true story.

This really happened to me two days ago!

 

   I was with a friend of mine in the local park when he decided to climb a tree. After he got up into the bulk of the branches, he calls down to me and says, "Hey, come on up."

   I'm 6 foot, but he is taller than me, so the lower limb that he used to pull himself up was just out of reach for me.

   No longer in my youth, but still eating the same way as I did back then, I have gained a few pounds since. So the lower branch that I might have been able to jump to in my younger days was frustratingly hard for me to reach on this day.

   I tried jumping straight up a few times to grad hold of the limb but to no avail. On my last try I took a running start at the California Rosewood where I used the trunk of the tree as a platform to push off with my left foot to reach the cursed branch.

   Feeling good about my first victory in this endeavor, I made my way back towards the bulk of the tree with my hands. Getting close enough so I could do a pull up to get my chin above the branch, while at the same time, trying to lift my left leg high enough to insert it on top of a v-shaped split in the trunk.

   Working hard to accomplish this, I could feel the water droplets of sweat forming on my forehead and that burning sensation in the muscles of my arms as they began to hurt.

   But still, as hard as I tried, I couldn't get my leg up around the tree.

   That's when it all blew up on me!

   My daughter came busting into my room, waking me up from that point in my nap where you think your dream is reality, for a question that could have easily been answered at anytime of the day!

   The dream was so vivid that I woke up feeling exhausted, anxious, and frustrated!

   Inside my mind, I actually felt mad at myself for never finishing the task of climbing that tree!

 

This is,

My Dreams Are So Vivid That I Often Remember At Least One Of Them After I Wake Up

Most Of My Stories I Write Here Are From The Dreams I Have Had

TwoBuckHowie

 

And,

 

“The future belongs to those who believe in the beauty of their dreams.”
- Eleanor Roosevelt -

 

That is my story and I am sticking to it!

 

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Bread Verses Traffic

   I guess I have been keeping a secret for way too long. It happened such a long time ago that I have been afraid to tell people in case I would look foolish. I never confessed it to anyone after it happened and I have never confessed it to anyone until now. Yes, it's about a woman.

   Back in high school I was very fortunate to have a beautiful and a intelligent woman as my girlfriend. I say this because she was light years ahead of me as far as being mature and knowing what kind of future she was looking for.

   One day, we were driving around in my car, listening to the radio when she said, "We need to pick a song, that will be our song, so every time we hear it we will remember our days in school."

   "That's a great idea," I said, "and I have just the song."

  At the time, we were listening to a lot of good classic rock like, Neil Young, Beatles, Genesis, Carol King, and so on. Deep down inside, I never let on to my friends that I also liked Pop Music. At the time I think they called it Bubble Gum Music because it was so sweet.

   I was thinking that we had to pick a song about our love for each other, so I said, "How about Baby I'm-A Want You!" It's a song by the group called Bread.

   She couldn't stop laughing at me and said, "I was thinking more along the lines of the song, The Low Spark of High Heeled Boys!" A song by the talented group Traffic.

YES, I WAS EMBARRASSED!

This is,

Bread

Jim Hauenstein

And,

I did see

The Monkees

in 1969 at the

Milwaukee Pop Festival

So I have a long history of liking

Pop Music!

“People haven't always been there for me but music always has.”
- Taylor Swift -

 

That is my story and I am sticking to it!

 

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Where Is Waldo Now?

   One of my daughters once told me that I am very open-minded about all kinds of music. That I am not one of those older people who always say, "In my day, that's when music was good. Not this programmed junk you hear today!"

   This is one of the greatest compliments I could ever have received, since music always played a big part in my life.

   The other nice part about this endorsement, of appreciating a variety of music no matter the decade it was written in, is that my family agreed with her.

   Last year, when I was visiting the town in Wisconsin where I grew up in, I did hear by more than one old friend the phrase; "In my day, that's when music was good." But I would just tell them, "There is really good music out there. You just have to know where to find it."

   Then there is the other side to my answer where I say, "How the Hell did this get made?"

Waldo is the name of the Parrot who is the lead singer of the band!

 

This is,

Incredible How They Got Signed To Warner Brother's Music

Jim Hauenstein

 And,

"They didn't have any Social Media in my day so I could promote my music to the world!" - An Old Geezer -

https://www.youtube.com/user/twobuckhowie

 

“You call it demonic because you hear screaming, I call it life saving because I hear the meaning.”
- Mitch Lucker -

 

That is my story and I am sticking to it!

 

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I'll Be Seeing You

 

My Ghosts Haunt Me Day And Night

   I'm not afraid to tell you that I'm scared sometimes. This isn't supposed to happen to someone like me. It happens to those other people. Like the ones who say those crazy things on TV who are trying to get their 15 minutes of fame promised to them by Andy Warhol. I wasn't even born yet when he was making cans of soup popular art.

   See, this is exactly what I'm talking about. I'm an educated guy, studied art in school, traveled a bit and I have an analytical mind. I'm not supposed to believe in the possibility of ghosts or the supernatural. That's for those gullible folks who live on the fringes of society.

   Shhhh. Did you hear that? No?

   Okaaay.

   What I don't understand is how my ghosts are manifesting themselves during the day. In all the movies I've seen, the TV programs I've watched, and all the books I've read, show that spirits only come out at night.

   My ghosts don't only haunt me at night. They haunt me during the daylight hours too! Because they don't follow the rules.

   Its just not right.

   Are you sure you didn't hear anything? Really? Your sure?

   Well, okay.

   Its not like they come out when I have friends over anyways. I've never seen them around when other people are here. It's like they get all of their joy out of haunting me while I'm alone.

   It's very irritating.

   Why? It's irritating because when I tell someone who is alive, they don't believe me. They either think I'm kidding, or crazy, or both.

   Its not like I have a lot of proof to show if the ghosts don't manifest themselves when somebody else is here. They don't do any major poltergeist activity. Like start fires, throw furniture around, or wield a weapon which could hurt me. They mostly sneak up on me and go boo. Appear in my bathroom mirror while I'm shaving. Or just stand around my bed until I wake up.

   It doesn't sound dangerous or too scary I know, but how would you like it if five ghosts stood around you in the morning, watching while you got dressed, go to the bathroom, take a bath, or do anything!

   They have no boundaries and they are always trying to scare me at the most inappropriate time.

   What do you mean they are board? I have my own life to live and what happens if I ever get married? Should I bring home a partner, to this place, so they can be tortured day and night alongside of me?

   That's it. If you won't help me I'm either going to get a professional exorcist or sell the damn place.

   What? Oh, real mature.

   Sticks and stones. You don't even have any bones!

This is,

Me Saying I Have Fun With My Ghosts

Jim Hauenstein

And,

“The house smelled musty and damp, and a little sweet, as if it were haunted by the ghosts of long-dead cookies.”
- Neil Gaiman -

 That is my story and I am sticking to it!

 

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I Need To Confess My Deepest Darkest Secret

   Mothers and fathers. Hide your children in another room of your house. Don't let them see or read my story. It could haunt them for the rest of their lives! It could haunt you for the rest of yours!

   Okay, it all started when I was a small boy.

   I know. I know what you are already thinking? How could this happen to a small boy. How could ADDICTION capture the soul of a five year old? Well I will tell you.

   I didn't notice it happening at first. I had no idea what addiction was or how someone could become an addict. But it becomes really easy when all your loved ones think they are doing the right thing by being enablers.

   I hold no grudges against anyone though. They didn't know any better at the time.

   Now you are asking, what could he have possibly been addicted to?

   The most prevalent and accessible substance on the streets to this very day!

   Ketchup. That's right. You heard me. Ketchup!

   The addiction began from a use of small amounts as most addictions do. I would get a fast-food hamburger from someplace and there would be a small amount on the meat. And I would think, "Yeah, this good. I like it. I want more."

    That is where the small packets of ketchup come into play. In my eyes they were not just for putting on top of french fries anymore. I grab as many as I could without drawing attention to myself and then make a large pile, either on a paper plate or the paper wrapper the hamburger came in. Then I would dunk!

   Dunking my fries and hamburger into a pile of ketchup! Until your could only taste the sweet watery red sauce and nothing else.

   It didn't stop there. I put ketchup on all kinds of meat after I was a full fledged addict. Chicken, pork, beef, venison, duck, and even steak.

   I remember being at a five star restaurant with my parents asking our waitress if she get me a bottle of ketchup so I could pour it on my steak. She said they might have A1 sauce but they would never have ketchup in there fine establishment.

   Inside of getting mad I just pulled out six or seven packets and smothered my sirloin with the condiment.

   When I was older and I was at a bar or someone's house I would excuse myself and say I had to go outside for a smoke. Really, I didn't want people seeing me at my lowest point of my addiction sucking on a couple of packets to get a ketchup rush.

   My shame didn't stop there. I saw the addiction hit my daughter when we were on a road trip and we forgot to ask for extra ketchup while going through the drive-thru of a fast-food joint. She was so upset I had to convince her that she had imaginary ketchup on her fries. I don't know if was from the effects of withdrawals but she started tasting it on her food. So all was well until we could get the real thing.

   That's when I knew I had to end this cycle of addiction in our family! No more going to the warehouse stores once a week and buying five gallon containers of the stuff. We became a ketchup free household! For my health and the health of my family.

   That was 17 tears ago. I have had ketchup off and on since then but I know I am no longer addicted. Because I can quit whenever I want. Cause I have, 10 or 12 times already in my life.

   And right now I just don't want to.

This is,

Some Serious Stuff

And Don't Get Me Started On That Gateway Drug Spaghetti Sauce

Jim Hauenstein

 

And,

 

“Isn't ketchup technically a fruit smoothie?”
- Arizona Tape -

 

 That is my story and I am sticking to it!

 

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Be Kind To Everyone

I'll Be Seeing You

 

Eddie - Without any commentary because Google is a pain in the @$$

What My Grandson Said This Time

The original story that I posted on my blog is called

"What My Grandson Said."

I wrote it in

April of 2015.

At the time he asked me,

"Papa, can you smell that?"

I said,
"Sorry Grandson,but I lost my sense of smell a long time ago."

So he replied,
"Papa, when I get old and you're dead......"

I interrupted him right there!

"Grandson, I don't like that kind of talk, where you say I'm dead."

He said,

"OK, OK. It's not like it's the end of the world or anything."

This is,
Saying It Would Be The End Of The World For Me!
Jim Hauenstein,

*****

Now,

seven years later he often goes with me on my morning walks when he comes over on the weekends to visit me.

After a mile into our walk this last Saturday,

he turns and says to me,

"Grandpa we need to spend as much time as we can together because you might not live much longer."

I let it slide this time around,

about him referring to my inevitable demise.

His heart is in the right place

and with him wanting to spend time with me,

it put a smile on my face.

Then he started playing around!

He kept walking in front of me so I would almost trip over him.

I said, "If you keep it up I'll give you a good shove!"

He replied, "No you won't. You're afraid of my Mom!"

I laughed, he stopped,

and I texted his Mother about our conversation.

She texted me back,

"You are!"

 

This is,

I Love My Family So Much

This photo doesn't include my son Henrico and his family,

my son Monchito and his girlfriend,

and my daughter Danielle, her son and boyfriend.

My dream is to have everyone in one photo someday.

Jim Hauenstein

 

And,

“Don't wake me for the end of the world unless it has very good special effects.”
- Roger Zelazny, -

 

 That is my story and I am sticking to it!

 

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I'll Be Seeing You

 

Eddie

Recently,

my twelve year old grandson has been making short

YouTube

videos for his cousins, aunts, and his

Mom.

Being the mature adult that I am,

I cried,

"Where's mine?"

So I went into the archives

and pulled out an old song I wrote with the group

TwoBuckHowie With The Exact Change

The song is so new I can't even embed it on this

Blog

yet! ;(

You just have to follow this link

https://youtu.be/gTsKPUqFJzg

to see his wonderful artistic abilities

and hear the classic song called

"Eddie!"

 

 This is,

The Inspiration Of Horror Movies From Psycho To Leather Face

Jim Hauenstein

And,

“I think perhaps all of us go a little crazy at times.”
- Robert Bloch -

 

 That is my story and I am sticking to it!

 

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I'll Be Seeing You

 

An Up Close Encounter

   Hi, I can't believe it finally happened to me. It was frightening at first but I learned a long time ago that if you don't keep your cool, things can get much worse then they already are. In a hurry too!

   Maybe I should start with a little background to my story first, while I explain what just happened to me.

   I haven't been writing on my Blog on the weekends anymore because my grandson comes over now and stays with me from Friday to Sunday evening. We decided to go for a walks together on each Saturday and Sunday morning when he is here. It has been going on for awhile now and it has been a big help to me physically because I can feel the difference. We've been walking two and a half miles per day!

   So today, Monday, I decided I was going to extend my two and a half miles to something like three or four. Depending on how I felt.

   I live in Southern California so going a mile and a half to two miles away from my home brings me up a mountainside and past the dried up riverbed, where water only flows when it rains.

   No housing can be built up there since it's sacred tribal land of the Pechanga Indians. But they don't seem to mind a hiker or two walking about.

   I walk in the early mornings, if you can call 7am early. Before seven, people with kids and jobs are bustling about to get here and there. Dropping off children and rushing off to beat the punch clock. So it gives people like me the freedom to go roundabout with a quit anonymity. To go where we like with no hassles.

   It's relaxing because there is no traffic to worry about, the neighborhood kids are all in school or daycare, and there is a sense of peace which you can only find at this time of day.

   It felt so good I planned on walking up to four miles today.

   I was at the two mile mark and was going to turn around when I saw, coming over the top ridge of the mountain, two glowing white pulsating round spheres. They were the size of those exercise balls people use to workout with at the gym.

   They immediately seemed to be intelligent because they paused as soon as they saw me. I couldn't tell the difference from the front to the sides of the spheres, but they slowly turned to one another and started pulsating rhythmically, as if communicating with each other.

   Then, before I could blink twice, the spheres came shooting towards me at lightening speed, surrounding me by going around me in circles.

   I was frozen in place.

   I was frozen, not by anything the spheres did to me, but by my own fear.

   The spheres started pulsating again as they circled me. Thankfully, there were no aggressive movements towards me, but I couldn't help wondering what they might be saying to one another.

   Once again they moved in less than a blink. This time they lined up in front of me one on top of the other with the upper sphere slightly behind the bottom sphere. It reminded me of soldiers from the American Revolution. How the front row of men would kneel down while aiming their guns at the enemy and the second row stood up behind them aiming theirs.

   Were they sizing up the situation before they fired?

   The pulsating started anew. I was so scared. Unconsciously I reached for the plug at the end of my earbuds connecting to my phone and pulled. The music started blaring as loud as a blaring cell phone can and the lower sphere came up close to me. Its light started flickering to the beat of the music. The other sphere then came closer to me and did the same. A small latch on that sphere opened up on the front of it and I saw blue, green, and red lights. I thought I was going to split a gut when it started to talk to me through those lights. It said, "I like that song. What's the name of it?"

   Stunned I replied, "Dancing Queen by Abba."

   "I love those guys," the other sphere said. "Sorry, we have to go."

   And with three blinks of an eye, they were past the clouds in the sky. Out of sight.

   I'll never forget today and I will be walking up the same side of the mountain from now on. I'll have my phone playing music as I go along. Hopefully these unidentified flying spheres will enjoy a little Ed Sheeran or Beatles and not just disco.

   Wouldn't it be weird if the whole Galaxy was into Disco and Synth Pop?

This is,

I'm Telling The Whole Truth

And Nothing But The Truth

Jim Hauenstein,

 

And,

 

“Disco sucks? You never heard that from me.”
- John Lydon -

 

 That is my story and I am sticking to it!

 

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I'll Be Seeing You