Mothers and fathers. Hide your children in another room of your house. Don't let them see or read my story. It could haunt them for the rest of their lives! It could haunt you for the rest of yours!
Okay, it all started when I was a small boy.
I know. I know what you are already thinking? How could this happen to a small boy. How could ADDICTION capture the soul of a five year old? Well I will tell you.
I didn't notice it happening at first. I had no idea what addiction was or how someone could become an addict. But it becomes really easy when all your loved ones think they are doing the right thing by being enablers.
I hold no grudges against anyone though. They didn't know any better at the time.
Now you are asking, what could he have possibly been addicted to?
The most prevalent and accessible substance on the streets to this very day!
Ketchup. That's right. You heard me. Ketchup!
The addiction began from a use of small amounts as most addictions do. I would get a fast-food hamburger from someplace and there would be a small amount on the meat. And I would think, "Yeah, this good. I like it. I want more."
That is where the small packets of ketchup come into play. In my eyes they were not just for putting on top of french fries anymore. I grab as many as I could without drawing attention to myself and then make a large pile, either on a paper plate or the paper wrapper the hamburger came in. Then I would dunk!
Dunking my fries and hamburger into a pile of ketchup! Until your could only taste the sweet watery red sauce and nothing else.
It didn't stop there. I put ketchup on all kinds of meat after I was a full fledged addict. Chicken, pork, beef, venison, duck, and even steak.
I remember being at a five star restaurant with my parents asking our waitress if she get me a bottle of ketchup so I could pour it on my steak. She said they might have A1 sauce but they would never have ketchup in there fine establishment.
Inside of getting mad I just pulled out six or seven packets and smothered my sirloin with the condiment.
When I was older and I was at a bar or someone's house I would excuse myself and say I had to go outside for a smoke. Really, I didn't want people seeing me at my lowest point of my addiction sucking on a couple of packets to get a ketchup rush.
My shame didn't stop there. I saw the addiction hit my daughter when we were on a road trip and we forgot to ask for extra ketchup while going through the drive-thru of a fast-food joint. She was so upset I had to convince her that she had imaginary ketchup on her fries. I don't know if was from the effects of withdrawals but she started tasting it on her food. So all was well until we could get the real thing.
That's when I knew I had to end this cycle of addiction in our family! No more going to the warehouse stores once a week and buying five gallon containers of the stuff. We became a ketchup free household! For my health and the health of my family.
That was 17 tears ago. I have had ketchup off and on since then but I know I am no longer addicted. Because I can quit whenever I want. Cause I have, 10 or 12 times already in my life.
And right now I just don't want to.
This is,
Some Serious Stuff
And Don't Get Me Started On That Gateway Drug Spaghetti Sauce
Jim Hauenstein
And,
“Isn't ketchup technically a fruit smoothie?”
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That is my story and I am sticking to it!
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