Gentleman Jim And Niagara Falls - Part Three

We were standing, maybe nine hundred feet from the bottom of the falls, which looks wide enough and deep enough from this advantage point to be considered a small lake, but is still called the Niagara River.

Here, there is a constant cloud of mist so thick that it can trick the mind into thinking you are under water. Humidity so thick, that it engulfs everything it touches. Enveloping you in a bath of icy cold blue water from head to toe.

Being our first time here, we were not prepared for that constant mist of water emanating from the fall's basin. I would have been better off wearing rain gear instead of one of my frilly white dresses. I instantly felt a chill down to my bones when the mist covered me whole.

The front of me was frozen from the crisp spring morning air blowing that freezing Niagara water onto my face and front torso.

I crossed my arms over my chest and tried to hug some warmth into my body. To no avail.

So I stayed behind knowing that in my new dress I wasn't going to get any warmer by getting any closer to the falls.

That must have given these three vagabonds the courage to speak to me in the vulgar manner in which they did.

The tallest and broadest fellow, I suspect he was crowned leader on those merits alone, had the gall to say he wanted to warm up my thighs with his hands and that I had some mighty fine knickers on.

Under my dress, I had my Sunday's best on. The ones Mama ordered for me from the Sears, Roebuck and Company Catalog.

Well, I mentioned earlier that I was well endowed, so when I folded my arms over my chest I never noticed how the lower part of my dress was sticking so tightly to my thighs and stomach. Since the dress was pearly white, the water made the cloth shear. You could see right through it!

I quickly yelled for Pa, but all that rushing water was sure an earful. I doubt he could have heard anything else right then. Even if our Church's Choir was singing it's loudest to warn away the Devil inside those sinners and for Pa to look my way. That splashing water was just too loud. I was in a pickle.

I was so angry by their cat calls that I wanted to put an old fashioned country whipping on those three boys. But I couldn't pull my arms down, away from my chest to protect myself. I was afraid of what those hoodlums would have seen then. I knew though, when the time came, I was going to have to fight for my honor.

They circled and surrounded me. Always taking a turn to say lewd things about what they were going to do to me. I think they did it to distract me. Keep me off my guard.

Then I noticed the big guy started closing in on me.

I was just about to say what I thought of his neanderthal looking face when this huge wool overcoat was wrapped around me and this handsome gentleman with beautiful blue eyes looks down into mine and says, “Just give me a minute.”

He was about the same size as the big vagabond leader, so I thought he could probably handle himself there, but there were three hoodlums. Was he going to fight them all by himself?

My worries were quickly abated. He not only knocked two of the three to the ground before I could say Jiminy Cricket but the third ran off without throwing a punch.

“How did you learn to box like that?” I asked, after the two bruised fellows on the ground got up and ran off.

“Five and a half years of being a Merchant Marine at some of the roughest docks the city of New York had to offer.”

That's when Pa came running up, asking, “What happened here? Are you alright Murray?”

My rescuer looks down at me with a perplexed look and says, “Murray? That's a funny name for a girl.” Smiling he says, “Did your parents want a boy?”

“And I was just beginning to like you.” I tell him with all the sarcasm I could muster. “It's not my Christian name buffoon, it's my father's sobriquet for me.” Then smiling I said, “Or is that too big of a word for you to understand?”

“Ouch.” is all he had time to say before Pa broke in.

“What's going on here. Who were those men? And who might you be?”

“I'm sorry sir. Let me introduce myself. My name is James Bartholomew King.” He stated with pride. “I was passing by when I saw your daughter, I assume it's your daughter?”

“Yes.” I blurted out.

“When I saw your beautiful daughter here being harassed by three of the lowest kind of street thug the Cities of America seem to fester these days.”

He was talking to my Pa when he said those words, but then he looked straight into my eyes and said, “I couldn't let such a beautiful flower be plucked away by the likes of those gentlemen. I had to stop them, or die trying.”

I couldn't turn away from his piercing gaze. I just stood there looking up at them.

I must have been in a trance because Pa had to wave a hand in front of my face to distract me, while asking, “Is your blood pressure up my dear? You're not moving at all and your face is as red as a Braeburn tree's first apple.”

Then I was really embarrassed because both men started laughing. And I don't remember a joke being told.

 This is,

Always Wishing For Heroes In My Movies

And In The Books I Read

Jim Hauenstein,

And,

“Anyone who does anything to help a child in his life is a hero to me. ”

- Fred Rogers -

That is my story and I am sticking to it!

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Gentleman Jim And Niagara Falls - Part Two

By the sound of it, you might think that at the time, our family was well to do during the Great Depression. It wasn't like that at all.

Our small back woods community made it through that period by the “Barter” system.

Pa always traded his inventions or ideas for food, clothing, and other commodities. His ideas and inventions were specific to each individual Pa was negotiating with.

Jensen’s farm expanded twice its original size once Papa showed him how to dig out plateaus for growing his tobacco on.

The slopes and the steeper sides of the surrounding Appalachian Mountains, which was legally his property, now look like giant steps rising up their ridge.

Johanson's moon shine became the talk of the county when Papa showed him how to color and flavor his white lightning to look like real Kentucky bourbon.

Pa got some coins for that one I heard.

So you can tell, even though the economic crisis was in full swing gripping the country, we here in Little Pigsty stuck together as a community and helped each other out to survive.

Now about our trip.

I won't bore you about the details of my first time on a train going anywhere. Or how my mouth dropped open when I saw all those people living so close together in the town of Niagara Falls. I especially won't mention my instant distrust of the caretaker of the boarding house we rented a room in. All I can say is, he bushwhacked us with his prices.

You can imagine my astonishment from all of this coming at me so fast and being so young.

It felt like I was blind up until then and now I could see what the world was really like.

The day after our arrival, Pa and I got up at the crack of dawn and wondered why breakfast wasn't laid out.

Still, so excited the two of us were, we left without a bite to eat.

We flagged down an off duty cabbie right away who told us one more fare would make his night. So we rode with him to see the great falls for ourselves.

Even back then there was a big parking lot for the fancy cars people were driving. And for horses, a considerably long hitching post. It was twice as long as the one in front of Munson's General Feed Store in Little Pigsty.

I heard later that day that the hitching post was just up for display for nostalgic reasons. No one used a horse and buggy anymore in the big city.

Imagine that. It's 1934 and America is getting nostalgic of its past.

I don't recall if any of the families in Little Pigsty had one of those motorized vehicles that year. Of course the town didn't even have its one and only gas station yet so I don't imagine there was a great demand for cars in my little town in 1934.

When we arrived at the falls, part of Niagara State Park wasn't open for business yet.

They call the shoreline along the United States side of the river, with a group of islands, a park. The largest piece of land in the river is called Goat Island. That's where most of the tourists go to see the Falls because that part of the park is free.

The part where my Pa wanted to go wasn't opened yet. It's called Prospect Point. It's controlled by a local Entrepreneur who charges a small fee to have access.

 My Pa had to convince a security guard to let us in early to see this part. From where we were standing you could see the water and all its glory, but Pa wanted to get up real nice and personal like. He wanted to see, approximately, what kind of impact he would have to endure when landing.

After a lengthy debate between the two men, my Pa promised he would pay the entrance fee on our way out. Telling the guard we would not leave until that part of the park opened.

Pa, somehow knew that Prospect Point, one of the many observation platforms that line along the Niagara River, gave us access to the lowest lookout available.

From there you can look up at the crest of the Falls and visualize a lot better the speed in which the water is flowing over the edge. You'll be able to see all the trash that is normally picked up along raging rivers, leap over the brink of the falls and start their descent. Finally you'll be able to observe the violent impact the debris has once it hits the varying whirlpools in Niagara's basin.

The impact is what Pa was worried about the most. If he didn't secure himself inside that barrel, he would have been bouncing around in it like the hollow beads in a rattlesnake's tail.

The advantage of seeing the falls from the lower platform is, you get the real feel of power. It was close enough to sense Niagara's raw electric energy field being generated by the sheer physics of water splashing down hard against other water which had taken the same route less than a second before.

When so much roaring water comes crashing down in front of you like that, you can't help but feel awed, inspired, chilled and wet. It's a pretty spectacular sight for anyone to see, at any age. I recommend it.

It was especially inspiring for me, a girl of seventeen.

Who, contrary to the times, was given the gift of a home education, encouraged to be curious about the world, and to ask as many questions as I liked about anything I was interested in.

My parents, who didn't believe I should have been married off and raising kids by the age of sixteen, took delight in the fact that most of the folks living in Little Pigsty at the time scorned their attitude of educating a girl and swore I would eventually end up an old maid because I was too smart for my britches.

I was given the freedom to learn as much of the world as I could and choose who I was going to marry. Not at all a common sentiment in those days in my neck of the woods.

Still, funny how fate has a way of making everything come full circle.

This is,

Raised Four Girls Of My Own

Jim Hauenstein,

And,

“I sincerely envy anyone who grew up during the Great Depression sometimes. Can you imagine what it must have been like?”

- Rebecca McNutt -

That is my story and I am sticking to it!

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Gentleman Jim and Niagara Falls - Part One

This Article first appeared in the April 20th, 1971 edition of “Look Magazine.” It is reprised here in its entirety for the 86th anniversary of “The Great $15,000.00 Dollar Barrel Roll over Niagara Falls.” A contest set up in 1934, during the Depression, that was held for only the one time. The article was written by Mary Allison King when she was fifty-four years old. It's a classic tale of a teenage girl coming of age as she accompanies her father on his quest for winning the prize money. Her father, David Nathaniel Lynskey, is the only person ever to be awarded a cash prize for going over Niagara Falls in a barrel and surviving. It also shows a hint of what rural America was like during the Depression and the determination people had to persevere during a time in our history where so many had to struggle. Most of us today seldom have to go through such hardships in our lives. The only way for us to experience it, understand it, is by reading the accounts of people who lived through it. This is one little piece of our history in Americana. The Article is called:

Gentleman Jim and Niagara Falls

     By Mary Allison King

Hi.

     My name is Murray.

     Well, actually, at the time of this story my name would have been Mary Allison Lynskey. From the North Carolina Lynskeys.

     Everyone calls me Murray though, because my Papa always called me Murray ever since I was able to listen.

     My Ma said Pa could never quite remember names and dates so he had to use what the Schoolmarm said was his way of using the technique called, “Word Association.”

     At least I didn't have it as bad as my brother. The name Murray is at least close to my real Christian name of Mary.

The day after my brother was born, my Pa called him Dempsey.

You see, my brother's birth name is John. Back at the turn of the Century, Jack was commonly used as a nickname for John. The boxer, Jack Dempsey, was still a household name around the time my brother was born, so my Pa, associated John with Jack and then Jack with Dempsey. So John is called Dempsey to this very day by everyone who knows him.

Except Ma never did. Rest her soul.

     I figured Pa was so forgetful about names and such because, on a count of, he was an inventor. He had a lot to think about. A lot of knowledge was stored up in that amazing brain of his.

     You probably haven't heard of him because of any actual inventions he created. Though up here in the township of Little Pigsty North Carolina, he is a legend.

He's a legend right alongside the other good fortune our town of Little Pigsty is best known for. We raise the best oinkers in the whole State. Right up here in God's beautiful country.

Mister Hennessy down the road, has won the blue ribbon four years in a row now for the fattest hogs at the North Carolina State Fair.

     The population sign out on the paved road coming into town proclaims, “We have more Prize Winning Curly Tails than Gentiles!”

     Most Northern folk don't get it. But if you say those words with a true Appalachian Mountain dialect it kind of rhymes. Sort of.

     The reason why you might have heard of Pa is, he being the last and only winner of the $15,000.00 prize money of safely going over Niagara Falls and living.

     Living is a key word here, because ten people died during that year, the year of our Lord, nineteen thirty four. So after that first time, they quickly outlawed the event.

     It was during the Great Depression you see. People were doing all kinds of crazy things to earn money.

That actor fellow, with the beautiful dreamy eyes, Michael Sarrazin I believe his name is, he made one of those moving pictures about some of the crazy things people did for money during that time. I think they called the movie, "They Shoot Horses, Don't They?”

     Funny name.

     Funny because it's not about horses at all. It's about people dancing in a big circle without rest until they can't go no further and collapse to the ground. Then they're out of the money.

The last two standing, they win it all.

     I heard some of those dancing folks died too.

     Well, that's not what Look Magazine is paying me to write about. They want to know about the only winner of the $15,000.00 barrel roll over Niagara Falls.

     The rules were simple. Either buy or build a barrel of your own design, go over the falls in it, and live to tell about it.

     Simple enough, I'd say.

     After my Pa had sent the entry form in, he decided he needed to go see the waterfalls for himself. He wanted to estimate the height and distances, he said.

     “There's not a dress maker's tape long enough in this World to measure those Falls” he told me. “We'll just have to guess at it. I just need to see for myself what we're up against.”

     To my surprise, he said I was going to go with him. I've never been to the big city before. Or any city outside of Little Pigsty.

I was really excited about the opportunity.

Yet, it did have its drawbacks.

Like all the other girls in town, I was what you city slickers would call a country tomboy. Us girls had to do all the same chores as a man, so we kinda grew up with a little chip on our shoulders you might say.

I know of five boys in town that I personally beat in arm wrestling.

On Sundays though, we were all lady-like.

I'm not bragging here, but I was told more than once that I was the strongest and prettiest girl in town growing up. My blossoms grew out real fast at an early age and were larger than most of the other girls. And I had all of my own teeth too.

The reason I'm telling you all this is, when it got near time to start making arrangements to go and see the Niagara Falls, my Ma got me all riled up, saying I had to start acting like a lady.

She insisted, while I was away, that I wear dresses instead of the corduroy trousers I always wore.

I only had the one dress and that was for Sunday's going to Prayer Meetings.

Ma bought some real fine white cloth though and sewed up two nice dresses for me before we left.

What got my goat the most was, I was too embarrassed to wear the darn things because of how short they were. You could see my legs down below my knees, bright as day!

It was quite embarrassing. Not like what these girls wear today.

All the same, it did feel like Christmas all over again to me.

Pa also got into the fun of dressing me up by asking the local cobbler to measure my feet. I had a pair of nice new shoes to go with my two white dresses for the journey.

I was so happy.

This is,

I Can't Put The Whole Story Here Now

It Is Over 8,000 Words Long!

Jim Hauenstein,

And,

“His tremendous struggles caused such a commotion that our position could only be compared to that of men shooting Niagara in a cylinder at night.” - Frank T. Bullen -

That is my story and I am sticking to it!

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Be Kind To Everyone.

I'll Be Seeing You.

I Am In Pain

Some of you might be wondering where I have been lately.

Could I be spending all my time with a book club?

Maybe showing my solidarity with the protesters of today by trying to change the world for the better?

Or just simply spending more time with family like we all should?

The answer is not as heroic as any of these answers.

The truth is,

I got out of bed the wrong way the other day

and twisted my back.

Who new you should do stretching exercises if you feel stiff in the morning? 

After a day of whining

and asking everyone to do everything for me,

which made my family really tired of me,

I finally got a prescription for back.

This is the first day I am sitting up without a lot of pain.

I am still in pain,

but it is manageable now.

To make this long story short so,

I can go lay down again,

I will try to write something more provocative tomorrow.

Something more interesting than my medical condition.

This is,

 

James Hauenstein

And,

“Dr. Bone Specialist came in, made me stand up and hobble across the room, checked my reflexes, and then made me lie down on the table. He bent my right knee this way and that, up and down, all the way out to the side and in. Then he did the same with my left leg. He ordered X rays then started to leave the room. I panicked. I MUST GET DRUGS.” 

- Laurie Notaro -

That is my story and I am sticking to it!

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I'll Be Seeing You.

Relativity In Our Relatives

I am always trying to be funny when I can.
And my
Post
from
March 4th, 2016
called
Albert Einstein's Special Relatives and General Relatives Theories
 is a good example of that.
As I try a
Play On Words
to be
Funny.

 *****
I know we all have theories on our
Relatives. 

Or simply put,

our
Relativity's Physiques

and
Mental Capabilities.

This usually encompasses two theories by

Albert Einstein.

Special Relatives

and

General Relatives.

Concepts introduced by him in the

Theories of Relatives.

This includes the concept of

Spacetime,

as a unified entity of the

space

between their ears

and the

time

it takes for them to figure out one of your jokes.

Like the one you told about your

Relative with the simple-anxiety,

or

Kin-ematic,

or

Grampa's invitational time dilation,

and his

Lengthy nose hair contractions.

Now,

"A team of UK-based scientists from the University of Cambridge and Queen Mary University of London have successfully simulated a five-dimensional black hole with the help of supercomputers, reported the Huffington Post. If real, the simulated black hole would be so powerful it could break down the rules that govern the theory of our General Relatives!" By Kirsten Silven for the INQUISITR and borrowed off of the Huffington Post website. "How a five- dimensional #BlackHole could ‘break’ #GeneralRelativity: https://t.co/LXiIdTve0L pic.twitter.com/RPAxEvir3Y— Cambridge University (@Cambridge_Uni) February 19, 2016"

This is,

Me,
Trying To Be Funny,
It is Friday,
Do You Think I Missed The Boat?
It Was Either This,
Or Making Fun Of The Cop Who Found OJ Simpson's Bloodied Murder Knife And Kept It As A Souvenir! 
Back In 1998,

Jim Hauenstein,

And,

“If you have the woman you love, what more do you need? Well, besides an alibi for the time of her husband’s murder.
” 
- Dark Jar Tin Zoo -

That is my story and I am sticking to it!

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Be Kind To Everyone.

I'll Be Seeing You.

I Am Going To Keep Saying This. Vote In This Coming Election!

Every now
and then,

I will hear someone say, 

"My one vote doesn't count." 

If you knew your history,
you might think twice before making that statement.

The election of 1948 was so close at the time that the people at the 

Chicago Tribune 

decided that
Thomas E. Dewey
was going to win.

So they printed a headline in their papers saying he had.
Before the election was over.

Here are some examples of one vote making a difference.

1645: 1 VOTE gave control of England to Oliver Cromwell

1649: 1 VOTE approved the beheading of Kings Charles I

1800: 1 VOTE made Thomas Jefferson president instead of Aaron Burr

1845: 1 VOTE brought Texas into the United States

1850: 1 VOTE admitted California and Oregon into the United States

1868: 1 VOTE saved President Andrew Johnson from Impeachment

1875: 1 VOTE ended the monarchy in France for a voting democracy

1876: 1 VOTE made Rutherford B. Hayes a United States President

1876: 1 VOTE elected the Indiana Electoral College member who voted for Hayes

1923: 1 VOTE placed Adolph Hitler as the leader of the Nazi Party

1941: 1 VOTE kept the military draft operational just weeks before Pearl Harbor

1992: 1 VOTE selected a member of the Town Council of Trinity, Alabama

1992: 1 VOTE decided the final member of the Selma, Alabama city council

How decisions that change history are determined by just a few votes.

1788: 3 VOTES ratified the U.S. Constitution in New York

1790: 2 VOTES ratified the U.S. Constitution in Rhode Island, making it approved in all 13 states

1960: 1 VOTE changed in each precinct would have defeated John Kennedy

1976: 1 VOTE changed in each Ohio precinct would have elected Gerald Ford and not Jimmy Carter

1993: 1 VOTE by Al Gore approved the largest tax increase in American history

If you want to find more up to date examples,

you need to do your own research.

I'm tired of typing examples to prove my point.

My other point is,

"Ask what you can do for your country!"

I have a solution just for those who feel it is too hard to get involved.

We the People, your voice in our Government.

A great website where you can get involved.

It has everything the

 Laziest Couch Potato

could want on being able to decide which issues of today are important to them.

 It's right at your fingertips

and your keyboard.

The main reason I like the website is because this is where I was able to sign a petition which I feel effects us all.

Here,

you can search through all the

Open Petitions

going on right now

and sign the ones that affect your life.
Or you can start a petition of your own if you feel there is something that needs to be addressed. 

Computers 

and the 

Internet 

can be used as wonderful tools in the right hands. 

Now take a stand, 

take ten minutes away from playing games, 

social networking, 

or shall I say it, 

you favorite porn sites 

and 

Feel the Power of Participating 

by 

Doing Something For Your Country!

This is,

I Don't Just Talk About The Issues - I Petition On What I Feel Is Right,

Jim Hauenstein,

And,

“Anti-intellectualism has been a constant thread winding its way through our political and cultural life, nurtured by the false notion that democracy means that 'my ignorance is just as good as your knowledge.'” - Issac Asimov -

That is my story and I am sticking to it!

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I'll answer you in a Post.

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Be Kind To Everyone.

I'll Be Seeing You.