Observations

In a previous episode I mentioned that I took a part time driving job to give me something to do with my free time. So I am wondering why is it, that when I was growing up the only people who were talking to themselves were the people who were nuts!

Now,

everyone with

"Hands Free Blue Tooth Devices"

  are nuts!

Watch the Road!

****

When I worked on Camp Pendleton I once heard a 2nd Lieutenant,

in the Marines, say to his troops,

"Do more than you have to do, more than your share, and do it as well as you can."

 Later that same day I saw this same 2nd Lieutenant talking to another Ranked Officer telling him,

"I never promote the harder workers, or my best soldiers.
I need them to make me look good so I get promoted."

Know what kind of person you are working for.

****

People who pursue only money as a life goal are never truly happy. Because there never is enough Money! I know from personal experience.

****

Now here's one for you gamblers:

A person can never force a "Change In Luck" by just sitting there.

But they can change the "Machine" they are on!

****

When will we ever hear from one of the Avengers,

"Feel The Power Of My Heuristic Algorithmic Viral Defense!"

****

  People who live in Glass Houses can see their surroundings.

****

Never tell anyone what you paid for something.

Because there might be only one person who says to you,

"What a great deal."

Then there will be plenty of people who will tell you,

"You've been ripped off. I could have gotten you a better deal."

Isn't it funny how those Guys who can get you all these great deals never have any of those items!

****

Going to Church once a week doesn't excuse you from being evil 

Six Days A Week!

Yes

This is

Observing On The Sabbath
Jim Hauenstein

And

"Nobody outside of a baby carriage or a judge's chamber believes in an unprejudiced point of view." - Lillian Hellman -

 

That is my story and I am sticking to it!

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On a personal note,

what ever happened to you

FragrantInvaderofPeace!?

 

Some Of The Jokes I Have Written Down Over The Years

Recently, I went into one of those discount massage parlors. It turned out to be self serve!

 

Then I met this hooker on a street corner. She told me she had a headache!

 

If it wasn't for the guy who just pick-pocketed me, I'd have no sex life at all!

 

I blame it all on my upbringing when I was a child. When I took my first step, my Dad tripped me!

 

When I was born, the doctor slapped my Mom!

 
I think I was still a virgin at the age of thirty-three, when I was making love to this girl I was dating. She started crying so I asked,
"Are you going to hate yourself in the morning?" She said, "No, I hate myself now!"

 

One night I thought I was going to get really lucky. I had these two beautiful women in my car and they both scream at the same time,
"Stop here!" Right next to the International House of Pancakes was a Motel 6. We went inside, and I had to pay for two "Rooty Tooty Fresh N Fruity" meals!

 

Then I started dating this girl who was half-black. She dumped me because she said I was prejudiced. In a sweet passionate moment, I called her half-white!

 

When I got married, I asked my wife if I could give her a goodnight kiss on her cheek. She bent over!

 

I did meet a famous politician once. I met the Surgeon General and he offered me a cigarette!

 

Still, I believe, in this World, every person has a soul mate. And if I ever find mine, my wife will kill her!

 

People say I look a lot younger than I really am. That's because I act so immature!

This is,
Those Last Two Jokes I Wrote Myself
Jim Hauenstein

And

“Whenever I feel the need to exercise, I lie down until it goes away.”
- Paul Terry -

That is my story and I am sticking to it!

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Be kind to everyone
 
I'll be seeing you

 

When I Wore A Beard

There is a perfectly good reason that I'm posting a picture of me pointing out the emblem on my car.

First,
I want to show off to my sister.
Second,
it's the only recent photo I have of me with a beard.

Why is the beard so important?

Because you never know how old you look as you do with a beard.

In my case wearing a beard makes me look a lot older than I really am.

I have two examples to prove my point.

First example.

I went to visit someone at the local hospital and stood in line to talk to the receptionist at the Emergency Room entrance.
When a
"70 Year Old Lady"
in front of me asked the female employee behind the desk,

"How to go about getting my sick husband admitted and a wheelchair for him? He has a temperature of one hundred degrees."

The receptionist looks directly at me and asks,
"Do you need a wheelchair sir?"

I kindly pointed out the elderly gentleman who was already sitting down on a chair a few feet to my right and said,
"He's the one she is talking about."

My second example.

I took my daughter shopping one day to a big local chain department store called
Ross.
She went up to a female
"Salesclerk"
  and asked her where they kept her size bra.
Of course,
being raised in my household where anything feminine was kept secret from my delicate ears,
my daughter whispered her question.

The salesclerk smiles and asks,

"Is this the first time you went shopping with your Grandfather for a new bra?"

That floored my daughter.
She couldn't get up from kneeling on the ground from laughing so hard.

 

This is,

These Are True Stories That Happened To Me In My Life

Not Those Fabricated Lies AIs Make Up About Me

Jim Hauenstein

 

And

 

“A man with a beard was always a little suspect anyway. You couldn't say you wore a beard because you liked a beard. People didn't like you for telling the truth. You had to say you had a scar so you couldn't shave.” - John Steinbeck -

 

That is my story and I am sticking to it!

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Thanks for reading
 
Be kind to everyone
 
I'll be seeing you